It may be difficult for society to understand the enormity of the tragedy that is looming over us today. Seen only as statistics in far off cities and not realizing that in a matter of time every person will know someone infected with, dying or having already died of aids has kept us from understanding aids victims. Only when we personally know someone with aids will the emptiness, the loneliness, the pain, the suffering be fully understood.
Most professionals, lay people and families have a natural fear of the disease. Fear and ignorance have kept us away from aids victims. It will only take one personal encounter with a real person with aids to melt a fearful heart. Awakening to aids has to become a common experience to those who work with and minister to victims of this dread disease. The fact that people with aids are terminally ill make them even more pitiful and in need of love, care, compassion, and giving, from the care-givers who are able to share with them. One must shed that tough protective coating and replace it with a smooth and tender pure skin of compassion. It is easy for an aids victim to see and feel the difference. One might have to take a leap of faith and overcome that fear and hold the hand of an aids victim. Moving out of fear-filled complacency into this new and awakened relationship with aids victims can only come if and when we have the opportunity to become personally involved with their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. That first leap of faith is often difficult but it is exhilarating and rewarding for the brave and faithful.
Up-to-date scientific information has to replace the inaccuracies aids victims may have been taught. When an aids victim ask questions, never be afraid to say, “ No one knows.” In dealing with some of these myths one can begin to unfold the entire picture of the aids epidemic.
There are several stories of how the epidemic begin. We know aids has been spread in rampant proportion and we can trace cases back to single individuals who were infected. The more exposure there is to the virus, the more likely the victim will develop symptoms within the first 2-3 years. That person is also likely to die more quickly.
The question of whether or not aids was created in some government laboratory, is answered this way. It is true that the government has been studying the virus, but there is no evidence that the virus that causes aids or a mutation of that virus was created in a government or any other laboratory. The aids virus is part of a larger group of viruses called the retrovirus group.
Aids is not contacted from giving blood. The sterile needles and bags used to collect the blood have never been exposed to the aids virus or to HIV infected blood. The needles are never reused.
Aids victims sometimes carry other diseases due to their weaken immune system. This will cause organisms to be more plentiful and exposed. This is one factor in spreading the fear of casual contact.
Many people who have been exposed to aids and have tested HIV positive believe they will not get the full fledged disease. The truth is if an HIV test is positive, it indicates the person is infected with the aids virus and can infect others, even though he or she may not have any symptoms for years. Those who have a positive test have both the antibodies to the virus as well as the virus in their system. The exposure, often through some promiscuous behavior results in the disease. There are many questions regarding how the disease can be passed on. Here are some facts:
TRUE – The virus can survive in water for up to two weeks under exceptional circumstances.
TRUE – The alcohol content in communion wine is not enough to damage the virus.
TRUE – The virus can sometimes be found in the saliva of an infected person.
TRUE – The virus particles from one person could be swallowed by another person, but the number of virus particles in a sip of wine etc., is likely extremely small and you are extremely unlikely to get an HIV infection.
Some persons have suggested they would rather not know they had the virus. Science is changing very rapidly. It is wise to be tested both for yourself and for the safety of others. Knowing that one is infected might stop any risky behavior.
Emotional symptoms of grieving may merge once one discovers they have aids, resulting in signs of depression. Crying spells, agitation., lack of sleep and lack of desire to do anything are the most common symptoms of depression. When weeks have passed without signs of resolution and when the vegetative signs of weight loss, decreased sex drive, inability to concentrate and early morning awakening has been added to the symptoms, we are looking at a more serious depression.
The beginning stage of grief is the reaction phase, where the emotions are striking back at the news of impending doom. There are wide variations within this phase–variations in emotions, in time frame and in the depth of reactions. It is in this acute reaction phase where counseling can bring great comfort. Grief is normal and healthy and it has a natural conclusion of acceptance as well as a spiritual purpose.
James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
James 5:7-11"Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold the husbandman waithed for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; establish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold , the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful and of tender mercy."
When counseling a grieving patient one must strive beyond the point of the patients’ acceptance, and reach deeper into the inner person, bringing forth spiritual fruit, emotional growth and physical restoration. Give them a safe platform within the ocean as well as a map and supplies to chart their way to safety. Too often we offer only the lifeboat, leaving the patient in uncharted waters without a map. Disciple the patient toward acceptance and beyond. When they come to the beach of recovery they will be tattered and torn from their trails, but they will have a new confidence and strength to follow God’s will for the remainder of theirs lives.
Another emotional pit is that of anger and bitterness. Once the patient finds his or her way to the bottom of the emotional pit, it is a slow process of recovery. Guilt and pain may be displaced toward their infected partner. The lack of forgiveness, of personal responsibility and of purpose for the illness must all be dealt with. This is usually a slow releasing process. At times anger and bitterness will cause more physical symptoms and problems than denial or any psychological defense, because of the high level of stress hormones and autonomic nervous system activity involved.
The emotional impact of aids encompasses everyone in the patient’s support system. There surely is no other disease so difficult for a spouse or lover to deal with then aids They often have to deal with three separate and serious issues: Personal infection with a deadly disease, loss of faithfulness of their sexual partner and grief for the infected person. They are all a tragedy by themselves.
Immediate work by a counselor is important, helping spouses and lovers resolve the initial fear. Suggesting testing as soon as possible, testing resolves the fear of the disease for most and will make the few who are positive face the disease sooner and with more hope.
Infidelity will vary greatly from one relationship to another. The scale of their reaction depends upon their level of love, trust and dependency. A normally jumbled emotion of grief becomes tangled with strong anger aimed at the unfaithful relationship, as well as love for the dying patient. Pursuing the positive aspects, stressing the demonic nature of sin and stressing the forgiveness God has given each of us may give the grieving spouse or lover a more positive picture of their plight. This hopefully will cause their emotional reactions to melt into acceptance of God’s purpose for illness and continual reliance upon Him for growth, comfort and restoration.
Fear of rejection may drive aids patients to wait before telling family members or friends, pushing aside the support they so desperately need. When counseling family members make sure they know about aids–the scientific knowledge of the effects and outcome. Specifics about the aids victim promiscuous behavior can complicate the reconciliation process. However, it may be helpful in rebuilding trust within the family for the infected member and allow them to talk about how the virus was contracted. The family needs as much information as early as possible to prevent unnecessary emotional stress. This will help to begin a healing process. They must be encouraged to forgive, for the good of the infected person as well as the person doing the forgiving. Aids victims will need loving support as much as they will need medical care. The entire family will need the loving support of the church, the pastor, friends and counselors to weather through this.
Ministering to all who are infected with HIV is a huge job whether or not they have symptoms or are ill with the disease or in final stages of life. Each deserves our open and caring attitude without any hints of discrimination or fear. They deserve our support, they merit a society filled with information that does not put them aside, they will need our help as their family becomes more distraught and as they become painfully aware of their spiritual needs before their heavenly Father.
The process of grieving is never fast. Most people are shocked by a sudden illness and react to that situation with denial, anger, and sadness but then move toward accepting the reality of the illness. Acceptance is a twofold process:
First; one must understand and accept the reality of the illness.
Secondly; the patient must integrate the reality into their emotions and accept it as unchangeable.
The spiritual model includes a third step: acceptance of God’s will and purpose as revealed through the situation. Acceptance brings comfort, but without the maturity gained by this emotional trial, it is useless.
Christian counseling must differ from the secular, using the analogy of spiritual conversation as our template, acceptance, like making the decision for salvation can lead to immediate growth. We are just beginning to help our patient when they see God’s purpose for suffering and God’s will as manifested by aids in their lives. Aids creates a very frightening and insecure time. It also creates a spiritual opportunity to help our patient. When our patients reach the terminal phase in their disease, they will have put aside many of the complicating tasks and relationships that induce emotional pain. Their sole concentration will be on correcting things, placing in order and letting go. If they are fortunate enough to have put things in order they will have some degree of peace. Once relationships are mended and control over business matters has been exercised the patient often begins to let go. Acceptance of impending death is much easier when necessary areas have been handled. At this time our counseling should be supportive and positive. In addition, the emotional needs of the family members must be met. In the face of eternity a few extra moments spent in giving spiritual encouragement may have eternal consequences.
The person who has aids will probably want to carry on as usual rather than be dragged down by thinking about the illness all day long. The counselor should be sensitive to the changes in physical needs, moods, and feelings. It is perfectly normal to swing from optimism to pessimism, from day to day plans to the depth of despair, from acceptance of the situation to denial. This is just part of the process of adjustment to grief and loss. Often we think grief as an emotion triggered by the death of someone we love but grief is a process of adjustment, triggered by losses of any kind. The losses of someone dying with aids are numerous and often devastating–Loss of Health – Memory – Sight – Physical Comfort – Sleep -Control over ones’ body – Future plans – Ambitions – Hopes and dreams – Friends – Family – Job – Physical attractiveness – Energy – Independence and freedom -Life on earth.
It is no surprise then to find people oscillating between denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance or a mixture of all four. Aids, is a heavy burden to carry. A patient’s hearts cry toward God maybe; “ Why is this happening to me ?” “What is God doing?” Questions like this are cries of pain and anguish and needs a listening ear rather than a cliché reply. The patient may want the counselor to sit and listen while feelings are expressed. There are no simple answers to human suffering as Job’s friend discovered. Anger can often be directed at others, linked with sadness. The anger might be directed at the counselor, it is important NOT to take such rejection personally and continue to offer friendship and support. You also might be on trial, a test of friendship. Is your love immense enough to keep coming back?
-
Show you still care
-
Maintain friendship
-
Listen
-
Open your home for a meal, a sleep over
-
Be ready for a long haul
When we begin to find God’s perspective on this time-space world, then death truly loses its’ sting. Aids will have lost it power. When our patient ask us if they are going to die, let them sense that we are at peace and not afraid. Stay with them and don’t run away, share that experience with them. Don’t abandon them, their hope of a cure has already done that.
Without faith death is the ultimate enemy. Death is the robber and destroyer. With faith in Christ, death is merely a doorway to eternity. Faith confronts us with an issue: Will I enjoy eternity when I get there? Will eternity with God be heaven or will I find eternity an unpleasant hell?
Finding forgiveness, inner peace and reconciliation with God through turning to Jesus allows one to look forward to dying. While here on earth, we are just a visitor passing through. There is nothing here which can compare to what is to come. The next life is the true reality; unchangeable! What a blessed hope to be the one to share this with a victim dying with aids.
I really believe that we are a part of a big plan. God really does love these people. It has been said that the aids epidemic provides a chance for the Christians to say to those suffering of the disease, “When everyone forsakes you, the Christian will not. Brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers may turn their backs on you , but we who represents the Lord will not reject you.”
We need the person with aids to minister to us as much, if not more than they need us. To see their faith in the mist of tremendous suffering, especially because of their young age, is wonderful to behold.
A Vietnam veteran, a Christian, who has aids, stated; “ Experiencing physical healing and facing more years of the torment of sexual temptation or dying and being with Jesus. What’s better? In a way, and I know this is going to sound crazy, I’m thankful for the disease – it has drawn me closer to the Lord. One of his fears was how the church would react. The church has to respond to the call. A few practical steps: Educate the congregation, Provide practical help, Pray with and for the person with aids, Minister compassionately and sensitively, Minister to the family, Develop a church policy statement, Provide care for the caregivers, Define the church’s view of homosexuality. To avoid pain and confusion, those wanting to minister to persons with aids should resolve their theology and philosophy about homosexuality before starting. Ultimately, what does ministry to those with aids require? One Chicago man with aids answers, “A HUG ONCE IN A WHILE WOULD BE NICE.”
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Counseling And Aids; Vol.24; by Gregg, Albers, M.D. General Editor; Gary R. Collins, Ph.D. Published by ; Word Publishing; Dallas – London – Vancouver – Melburn
The Truth About Aids; by Dr. Patrick Dixon Published by; Kingsway Publications Ltd., Lattbridge Drove, Eastbourne, E., Sussex, England, BN23 6NT
The Aids Crisis; by Andres Tapia Published by ; Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove. Illinois 60515
All Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible
©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only. Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.