At the very center of Christian counseling, Is Jesus Christ, The Great Counselor. The Scriptures have much to say concerning counseling people with personal problems and from a scriptural view point.
I, myself was a wounded warrior, who went all the way to the bottom, emotionally, physically, and emotionally, and experienced a substantial healing. I have counseled a number of others like myself, and I have found considerable commonality in the suffering, causes, and recovery we shared.
Surviving such seasons of stress can be very difficult indeed. Very little help is available. This has left one confused and discouraged because the aches, pains and ills experienced are very real and truly do hinder ones ability to function adequately.
Burn-out has become a common term in the last decade, common among those who expend themselves in the service of others. This condition actually involves three kinds of damage of which burn-out is only one. Depression and wounding are the other two.
Burn-out happens only to givers, its nature is the exhaustion of the physical and emotional resources that enable the giver to keep giving. The loss of these resources leads to despair, depression, irrational anger and a host of physical problems.
Burn-outs are those who have too little consciousness of – or care for – their own personal needs to do what is necessary to replenish themselves from the intensity of their giving.
Frequently a period of rest will cure burn-out; the same is often not true of depression and wondering.
Depression is an emotional manifestation of the depletion of ones’ physical and emotional resources for dealing with stress and can happen to anyone, giver or not, who faces and inadequately deals with stress over a period of time.
Depression is often the result of ones’ performance orientation. Performance -oriented people have not learned that they are acceptable apart from what they can ever achieve. For the performance – oriented person, the hope of love and the ability to accept oneself always center about meeting the expectations of self or others for behavior or productivity. Unfortunately, this fear motivation for living and achieving exacts a terrible physical and emotional tall. The result can be deep depression until the victim learns that self-acceptance, the love of God and the love of others come by grace and are totally unearned.
Wounding is an emotional condition caused by the hurtful acts of others. Just as the body has finite and exhaustible physical resources through which it copes with life, so our emotions draw upon limited resources in human strength in order to meet and deal with the lumps life serves up for the heart. When those resources are spent, the result is devastation and desperation.
Anyone can suffer emotional wounding but the wounding is especially sever for those who are given by nature or profession.
In order for people to be healed there must be a meeting of persons and any meetings of persons, there is a risking of oneself, a necessary level of vulnerability. Normally, life serves up its hurts, betrayals and abandonments by loved ones at a place that leaves times for recovery and replenishment, but occasionally they come either too quickly or hurt to deeply for the individual to recover from them effectively. The result is wreckage in the form of physical illness, depression, withdrawal, paranoia and fear of emotional risk.
There are significant areas of overlapping and interrelationships between burnout and depression and wounding, both in causes and effects.
In the early stages of wounding, more and more nagging questions arise concerning one’s faith and his personal relationship with God. In this period of time the anointing of the Lord does sustain you in spite of fatigue, but more and more often you run on adrenaline strength, sometimes not knowing the difference between adrenaline rush and the anointing of God. Understanding the difference is a function of wisdom, and wisdom is won only through suffering.
Burn-out begins by shaving such activities as recreation and exercise from ones schedule.
The care of ones physical and ‘temple’ suffers. One might even be convinced that burn-out is a trial of the Lord for crucifying His servants unto new life. In burn-out old patterns are burned away, along with old attitudes and fleshly ways of approaching life and its inhabitants. God has taken you to the Cross and there is no escape until you know you have nothing and He has all, until the flesh is burned away and the Spirit makes you alive. Until that point, all one can do is hold your heart open to the sneering bright light of His presence and endure the pain His purity creates in your flesh and brokenness.
When the Cross has done it’s work, Our Lord restores ALL that you lost it is not yours but His. And you know it more deeply than you ever thought possible. In fact the sufferer has become stress – addicted. He actually subconsciously needs and creates stressful work situations so that the fear, the pressure and the resulting adrenaline production overcome his fatigue. The adrenaline no longer gets him moving like it once did. The rush is gone and sometimes it makes him sick and angry.
In general, physical illness becomes more common. Colds come more frequently and stay longer. Aches and pains proliferate. Sore throats develops several times each year and takes ages to recover from.
Headaches increase and in frequency and intensity. ( Sounds like myself several years ago.) But we serve an awesome God who does restore the years the canker worm has rob us off.
Not only is sleep occasionally difficult, it becomes a labor. The wounded one’s confidence becomes threatened. He feels he is drowning in an empty bucket that isn’t being refilled. Desperation takes root again an again as they go to the well of strength and wisdom to meet the need and find nothing to draw from.
Episodes of withdrawal comes more and more frequently, with heightened intensity and extended duration. One withdraws from family and friends since there is no energy left with which to deal with demands of any kind. In this condition, even offers of love may come as demands that has to be responded to in some way, so that instead of feeling refreshed by the love of those close, they may feel drained by it. People close may add wounding by complaining that they don’t seem as warm as they once did.
Episodes of rage at God becomes common and we now reach a stage of feeling abandoned and betrayed by God. He no longer is seen as a protector. He hasn’t kept His promises and likely never will. One feels God is there for others but seldom for them personally. God has let them down. Because of betrayals by people and God’s delay in fulfilling promises, one may experience episodes of such deep wounding that God may even be seen as a liar, betrayer and promise – breaker. At this stage the wounded one can still hope, but the ability to do so is fading fast. Periods of desperation are common and almost paralyzing.
At the very center of Christian counseling, Is Jesus Christ, The Great Counselor. The Scriptures have much to say concerning counseling people with personal problems and from a scriptural view point.
One can be ministered to at this point if approached at just the right moment and just the right way.
One, although wounded can still spill hurts to another and receive ministry. More than anything the need of simply listening with a sympathetic ear.
It’s not necessary to give a solution or advice, this could lead to rage or deeper withdrawal. What is needed is a safe place to dump the pain until strength is recovered.
Intercede in prayer for a wounded person mostly at a distance where they don’t have to respond, but they will feel it. Tell them you are praying. It is not necessary to say what you are specifically asking God to do, they might take it as pressure to make the prayer to happen.
If the Lord gives you a specific scripture or prophecy, send it or give it in written form.
It will feed hope, don’t confront them face to face, leave them free to read it and respond in privacy where one isn’t responsible to anyone for their actions.
Take up the sword on their behalf. Do warfare , stand in the gap if need be. A stage of wounding, we will call it incapacity is very misunderstood. One must look at the root causes of wounding and then facilitate recovery, this is done through forgiveness. A deep wounded person cannot initiate or sustain his own recovery.
The New Testament has much to say about counseling, Nouthetic Counseling. The word nouthetic and noutheteo are the nouns and verbs forms in the New Testament from which the term nouthetic comes. The New Testament assumes that all Christians should engage in counseling.
Paul urged:
Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16
Here we are confronting one another nouthetically. According to Paul we as Christians are to teach and confront one another in a nouthetic fashion. Note
My brothers and sisters, I am sure that you are full of goodness. I know that you have all the knowledge you need and that you are able to teach each other. Romans 15:14;
Paul expected this to be a part of daily living because the Christian in Rome were filled with knowledge and goodness, this equipped them to confront each other nouthetically. Paul saw this as a vital part of his own ministry and shows this in fact when he declared in:
So we continue to preach Christ to each person, using all wisdom to warn and to teach everyone, in order to bring each one into God’s presence as a mature person in Christ. Colossians 1:28
Although preaching was a part of Paul’s nouthetic activity, he was also engaged in nouthetic confrontation of individuals. He confronted people day by day. The fullest account of Paul’s private nouthetic activity occurs in his farewell address to the Ephesian elder in Acts. He ministered to the Ephesian congregation for 3 years. We find him saying: " Be on the alert, remembering that night and day for a period of three years. I did not cease to confront each one nouthetically with tears."
Paul not only preached in the market places, but dealt with people individually as well, and families and he confronted them nouthetically. He desired that they may be presented to Christ mature and complete.
Three Concepts of Nouthetic Counseling
-
The Word used frequently.
-
Problems are solved by verbal means by use of The Word.
-
A purpose or motive behind nouthetic activity.
Paul wrote: All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is useful for teaching for reproving, for convicting, for training in righteousness, it primary purpose has often been overlooked. Paul’s concern was to discuss not only inspiration but primarily the purpose of the scriptures. He argued that because they were God breathed, the scriptures were and are useful for nauthetic purpose. In Acts 20, Paul comments about nouthetic counseling with tears. Paul lived in a society that encouraged people to express their emotions freely. Until very recently did our culture consider free emotions not taboo. Whether this shifting is good or bad doesn’t really matter, yet Paul’s emotions reveals one fact, he became deeply involved in people’s problems. Tears show a total involvement.
You are very patient with anyone who comes to you and preaches a different Jesus from the one we preached. You are very willing to accept a spirit or gospel that is different from the Spirit and Good News you received from us. 2 Corinthians 11:4
However one should not become too deeply involved with the counselee. Even though he may feel strongly empathetic inside , he should not respond in anyway which might reveal his true feelings. Never appear shocked, always maintain a neutral – non judgmental posture regardless of whether what the person you are counseling reveals something that is good or bad. He should never express his own feelings or viewpoint on the subject. What are the goals of nouthetic counseling? Paul says:
- The purpose of this command is for people to have love, a love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a true faith. 1 Timothy 1:5
The goal of our authoritative instruction is love. The purpose of preaching and counseling is to foster the love toward God and love toward others, which God commands. Jesus summed up the keeping of the whole law as love.
Since the fact is, it has been impossible for natural man to keep his heart pure. All are born with a sinful nature and love depends upon all of man’s qualities. The overarching purpose of preaching and counseling is God’s glory.
BUT, the underneath side of that rainbow is love, fulfilling God’s commandments. Love, is a responsible relationship conditioned upon responsibility, that is responsible observance of the commandments of God. The work of preaching and counseling, when blessed by the Holy Spirit, enables man through the Gospel and God’s sanctifying Word to become pure in heart, and to have peaceful consciences and to trust God sincerely. Thus the goal of nouthetic counseling is set forth plainly in The Word, to bring man into a loving conformity to the law of God. Love will blossom as counselors focus their attention upon purification of the heart, the clearing of the conscience and the building of genuine trust.
Nouthetic Counseling rests upon the dynamics of redemption and reflects these facts at every point. Therefore, its power stems from the fact that nouthetic confrontation necessarily utilizes the full authority of God.
There are times that nouthetic counseling will fail, this may often be complex and therefore difficult to analyze. The counselor may fail to do his job adequately, when this takes place the question must be asked; "Who failed?" the counselor or the counselee ? The nouthetic counselor must recognize that failure may not be their fault. The counselee might interpret a failure as a success. They even want to settle for something less than a total reorientation of their lives. The counselee often is willing to seek help in solving the incapacitating or performance problem rather than digging down and rooting out the preconditioning problem, of which the performance problem was but one instance.
We know that sin leads to guilt and depression, sinful handling of sin further complicates matters and leads to greater guilt and deeper depression, ad infinitum, in a downward cycling process in which depression certainly contributes to further failures as it often becomes the excuse for a faulty handling of the sin itself.
God reverses the order, He declares, "Do right." And there will be a lifting up of your face.
Beyond the basic sinful nature itself, three levels of complexity may be distinguished and for convenience might be called:
-
Presentation Problems eg. " I’m depressed" – Often presented as a cause when really is an effect
-
Performance Problems – " I haven’t been much of a wife." Presented as an effect when really is a cause.
-
Preconditioning Problems- " I avoid responsibilities whenever the going gets tough."
These are often presented as an effect when really they are the underlying cause, habitual response pattern, of which the performance problem is but one instance: the preconditioning problem generally doesn’t come fully into focus until its relationship to the first two has been understood.
Such premature termination of counseling must be considered failures, even if counselors do not think so. Failure has to be looked at from various points of view. Failure is a recognized part of counseling and every counselor who works with others will fail.
When nouthetic counseling fails one of the reasons could be: the counselor sometimes become too sympathetic to the counselee.
Counselors are responsible for their behavior, know the difference between sympathy and empathy. They also fail by coming to conclusions too little of a story or only one side of the story and jumping to conclusions. When counselors fail to dig down to the underlying patterns and only handle performance problems, they also fail. Counselors may fail by becoming too involved emotionally. When this happens, counselors have been caught by the same snare as their counselee, who are so emotionally involved in their problems that they no longer think straight but instead allow feelings to govern actions.
Counselors always face the temptations to become overbearing in the use of authority, using authority for its own sake, or failing to keep God’s authority and one’s own opinions discrete. When this happens the nouthetic elements of concern for the counselees’ welfare disappears.
It is important for counselors to examine their own lives and their counseling practices in the light of every failure they detect in others. Counselees become strong reminders of human error and sin and in that sense, are among the counselors most valuable teachers.
Solving Problems Nouthetically
Man’s Basic Problem
The world has about 230 psychological schools of thought dealing with the study of man, his behavior and the ethical and moral standards required for man to solve personal problems. These schools are reduced for easier assessment to five basic modalities, s follows;
-
Man’ is good:
Humanism – independence from God – new age – has everything necessary within to solve own problems; mind merely blocked by negative thinking or influences, develop positive thinking and draw from one’s own resources, see self as worthwhile and esteemed, the self becomes a god.
What does God say?
The least of people are only a breath, and even the greatest are just a lie. On the scales, they weigh nothing; together they are only a breath. Psalm 62:9
As the Scriptures say: "There is no one who always does what is right, not even one. There is no one who understands. There is no one who looks to God for help. All have turned away. Together, everyone has become useless. There is no one who does anything good; there is not even one." Psalm 14:1-3
"Their throats are like open graves; they use their tongues for telling lies." Psalm 5:9
"Their words are like snake poison." Psalm 140:3
"Their mouths are full of cursing and hate." Psalm 10:7
"They are always ready to kill people. Everywhere they go they cause ruin and misery. They don’t know how to live in peace." Isaiah 59:7-8
"They have no fear of God." Psalm 36:1
"All have sinned and are not good enough for God’s glory" Romans 3:23
"Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me-I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is earthly and sinful. I want to do the things that are good, but I do not do them." Romans 7:18
-
Man is a Superior animal
Basic view of man is that his behavior is conditioned or programmed, wrongly influenced by environment and circumstances, needs to be reconditioned or reprogrammed by manipulation of behavior thru the use of positive and negative stimuli, trained to respond to reward and punishment in order to improves self.
What Does God Say?
Remain in me, and I will remain in you. A branch cannot produce fruit alone but must remain in the vine. In the same way, you cannot produce fruit alone but must remain in me. "I am the vine, and you are the branches. If any remain in me and I remain in them, they produce much fruit. But without me they can do nothing. John 15:4-5
God’s anger is shown from heaven against all the evil and wrong things people do. By their own evil lives they hide the truth. God shows his anger because some knowledge of him has been made clear to them. Yes, God has shown himself to them. There are things about him that people cannot see-his eternal power and all the things that make him God. But since the beginning of the world those things have been easy to understand by what God has made. So people have no excuse for the bad things they do. They knew God, but they did not give glory to God or thank him. Their thinking became useless. Their foolish minds were filled with darkness.22 They said they were wise, but they became fools. They traded the glory of God who lives forever for the worship of idols made to look like earthly people, birds, animals, and snakes. Because they did these things, God left them and let them go their sinful way, wanting only to do evil. As a result, they became full of sexual sin, using their bodies wrongly with each other.25 They traded the truth of God for a lie. They worshipped and served what had been created instead of the God who created those things, who should be praised forever. Amen. Because people did those things, God left them and let them do the shameful things they wanted to do. Women stopped having natural sex and started having sex with other women. In the same way, men stopped having natural sex and began wanting each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and in their bodies they received the punishment for those wrongs. People did not think it was important to have a true knowledge of God. So God left them and allowed them to have their own worthless thinking and to do things they should not do.29 They are filled with every kind of sin, evil, selfishness, and hatred. They are full of jealousy, murder, fighting, lying, and thinking the worst about each other. They gossip30 and say evil things about each other. They hate God. They are rude and conceited and brag about themselves. They invent ways of doing evil. They do not obey their parents. They are foolish, they do not keep their promises, and they show no kindness or mercy to others.32 They know God’s law says that those who live like this should die. But they themselves not only continue to do these evil things, they applaud others who do them. Romans 1:18-32
Don’t be too proud in the Lord’s presence, and he will make you great. James 4:10
Lets lay out some of the significant characteristics of Genuine Biblical Counseling:
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling derives its understanding of God and man from the Scriptures. We must base our practice upon the inspiration, infallibility and absolute sufficiency of the Word of God. It is a fatal error to say that The Bible is sufficient for Salvation, but that we need psychological solutions for sanctification.
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling has a high view of the sovereignty and power of God. Psychotherapy thrives because Christians have allowed a weak view of God to infiltrate the church. Jesus addressed this very problem in Matthew 22:29 To suggest that God can get us to heaven, but in the meantime, He is powerless to transform our lives and heal our minds borders on blasphemy.
Jesus answered, "You don’t understand, because you don’t know what the Scriptures say, and you don’t know about the power of God" Matthew 22:29
-
GENUINE biblical Counseling is loving and gentle in the application of the Scriptures. There is a false and negative stereotype that exists towards genuine Biblical counselors – that all we do is look for a sin and pounce on it harshly. The Bible says:
Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin, too. Galatians 6:1
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling is focused on truth. Biblical counselors want to arrive at a true understanding of God and how He works in our lives. We want to know the truth about the person we are counseling and to help him acknowledge and respond to the truth. We will not focus on dreams, subjective feelings and hazy memories unless they can be tested for accuracy and verified. Repressed memories, unconscious motivations and denial of personal responsibility are not part of genuine Biblical Counseling. While we acknowledge that we can learn from general observation of human behavior and the physical world, we must never elevate "general revelation" to an equal standing with Scripture. It cannot guide our counseling philosophy or our basic understanding of the heart of man. The phrase "all truth is God’s truth" may be philosophically correct, but it does not answer the vital question, how do we know what is true? We should be cautious in accepting counsel from anyone who defends his practice with "all truth is God’s truth."
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling is based on solid Biblical study. A sound systematic theology and Biblical method of interpretation is essential for the genuine counselor. There is no substitute for the counselor having an in-depth knowledge of the Scriptures and how to apply them to the problems of daily living.
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling is dependent upon the work of The Holy Spirit. Biblical counselors realize that we cannot read the hearts of those we counsel. Only God is able to understand the deepest thoughts, motives, confusion and sins of the counselee. A Biblical counselor does nor rely upon his own "expertise" or credentials to delve into the "subconscious" regions of the mind. Rather, he relies upon the truths of the Scripture as the Holy Spirit convicts with power.
When the Helper comes, he will prove to the people of the world the truth about sin, about being right with God, and about judgment. John 16:8
When the people heard this, they felt guilty and asked Peter and the other apostles, "What shall we do?" Acts 2:37
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling leads toward repentance and restoration. The ultimate goal of the Biblical Counselor is not to merely help his counselee to feel better temporarily. God is not so concerned with our relief from pain as He is with the molding of our character toward Christlikeness. To relieve guilt without dealing with the issues of the rebellious heart is a disservice to a fellow believer. Paul writes to the church at Corinth:
Even if my letter made you sad, I am not sorry I wrote it. At first I was sorry, because it made you sad, but you were sad only for a short time. Now I am happy, not because you were made sad, but because your sorrow made you change your lives. You became sad in the way God wanted you to, so you were not hurt by us in any way. The kind of sorrow God wants makes people change their hearts and lives. This leads to salvation, and you cannot be sorry for that. But the kind of sorrow the world has brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:8-10
-
The ultimate goal of Genuine Biblical Counseling is spiritual maturity. Paul writes in Ephesians 4 about this goal:
Christ gave those gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger. This work must continue until we are all joined together in the same faith and in the same knowledge of the Son of God. We must become like a mature person, growing until we become like Christ and have his perfection. Ephesians 4:12-13
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling is not dependent upon degrees, certification or licensing. Romans 15:14 says:
My brothers and sisters, I am sure that you are full of goodness. I know that you have all the knowledge you need and that you are able to teach each other. Romans 15:14
-
Biblical counselors realize that there are only a few essential qualifications for a competent Counselor; one must have
-
an extensive knowledge of the Scripture: a good measure of divine wisdom (experience and common sense under the illumination of the Holy Spirit)
-
Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16
Goodness, consistent , righteous lifestyle with a humble attitude. 1 Peter 5:5
In the same way, younger people should be willing to be under older people. And all of you should be very humble with each other.
"God is against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble." Proverbs 3:34
An ability to relate to others:
When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should. Colossians 4:6
An ability to communicate:
Speak the truth so that you cannot be criticized. Then those who are against you will be ashamed because there is nothing bad to say about us. Titus 2:8
A genuine desire to help others.
We ask you, brothers and sisters, to warn those who do not work. Encourage the people who are afraid. Help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14
-
Secular licensing does not insure competence or effectiveness in a counselor. On the contrary, training that leads to secular certification is likely to impair one’s effectiveness in the counseling ministry. A Biblical counselor will never allow him/her self to be intimidated by secular "experts" or their degrees. Paul writes,
The teaching about the cross is foolishness to those who are being lost, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.19 It is written in the Scriptures: 1 Corinthians 1:18-19
"I will cause the wise men to lose their wisdom; I will make the wise men unable to understand." Isaiah 29:14
-
Genuine Biblical Counseling is church-based. It is not profit-motivated and is under the authority of and accountable to a local body of believers and the pastor and elders. The professional clinical counseling setting has no biblical basis and little accountability.
Giving hope is a continuous process regardless of the status of the counselee. To those who don’t know the Lord, convey to them that we are not the source of their hope, but that Scripture is our hope and authority. The Word of God is living and active, and separates the soul from the spirit, and it is the Word that does the healing. The Word of God is our convictor, and changer. It sets us right on the narrow road to life and joy. It takes practice to live God’s way. God knows where we hurt and all we need to do is go to Him. We are delivered from the power of sin and are free to choose to live God’s way. One can change dramatically and quickly, not waiting years. God promises victory in any temptation and trial. But we must do the changing. God will not do it for us.
I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the LORD. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me! I will let you find me," says the LORD. "And I will bring you back from your captivity. I forced you to leave this place, but I will gather you from all the nations, from the places I have sent you as captives," says the LORD. "And I will bring you back to this place." Jeremiah 29:11-14
Even in the middle of exile, depression, despair we have this hope, call upon the Lord and He will find us. He has specific plans for each one of us, for our welfare not calamity. Philippians 2:12
My dear friends, you have always obeyed God when I was with you. It is even more important that you obey now while I am away from you. Keep on working to complete your salvation with fear and trembling, because God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him. Then you will be innocent and without any wrong. You will be God’s children without fault. But you are living with crooked and mean people all around you, among whom you shine like stars in the dark world. Philippians 2:13-15
BIBLIGROPHY:
- Competent To Counsel : by Jay E. Adams Copyright 1970
- The Inspirational Bible 🙁 New Century Version) Copyright 1995
- Biblical Counseling Associates: Copyright 1999
©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only. Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.