I was dropped by a weary traveler on a blistery, hot day. Desert land stretched all around me – parched, hard, cracked earth was all I could see. I couldn’t even see a cactus plant!
I am a seed, I grew in the warmth and comfort of an apple with my brother and sister seeds. Today my life had changed. I’d been taught from a very young age that this would happen – one day I would be on my own. No matter where I landed I had to immediately get down into the ground and tap into the water. I was told that if I didn’t strongly plant my roots in the water I would never grow and produce fruit.
My first thought, when I saw where I was, was one of self-pity and hopelessness. NOTHING was growing here, let alone an apple tree! This situation was impossible! I began to dry up, and I knew that soon I would die. I had completely forgotten what I had learned about being content wherever I am, and making the most of every opportunity. I would have died had a refreshing wind not begun to blow right then. I remembered what I had learned about the wind – it I trusted in it, it would take care of the impossible. I was truly hopeless and at the end of my life, when the wind accomplished the impossible and put movement to what I thought was my immovable little body. I couldn’t move myself – how quickly I had forgotten that I had a Friend who was completely in control of even the impossible.
With renewed vision I began to shift my weight so I could assist the wind in moving me to a better place. But I kept running into clumps of dried mud, and I’d hurt myself. For a while I resisted everything I’d learned about resting in the wind and letting it take care of me, and I kept banging and bumping myself. I finally tired of trying to do things my way, gave in to the wind, and found I was flying better and no longer hurting myself. I soon found myself resting in a small, dried up stream bed. I couldn’t believe it! Here I had completely trusted the wind and look where it had taken me! (Of course I’d forgotten already what the wind had delivered me from only a few short hours before. How foolish of me! I wonder why the wind didn’t give up on me then?) I was so disappointed! Here I was thinking that I would be going to a refreshing land where I could grow by a river with other trees and where people could eat of my fruit. How was I ever to grow here? Even if I did grow – who would come and eat of my fruit? Who would notice me? Who would see my beautiful bark and lovely green leaves?
But there I was. As I laid there, the wind began to blow me down into the ground – into the very depths and darkness of the earth until I could no longer see the sun. Where I had been hot before, I was now in complete darkness and nobody would ever even know that I was there. Nobody would see me – see my shiny, little body. Why had I ever believed that I should trust the wind? My teacher’s didn’t know what they were talking about. Obviously they had never been in my situation! Maybe the wind worked for them, but look where it had brought me!
As I lay there in the dark, cold earth, I felt a dampness begin to creep into me. It was uncomfortable! I resisted it – I didn’t want to feel the dampness because as it hit the cracked areas in me – it would sting. Oh how it hurt! And I had so trusted the wind and look where it had brought me. As if I would ever trust the river!
Days went by, weeks went by. I continued to resist the water. I had had enough – I was sick of being hurt. Yet the water continued to wash over me, and as I lay there, completely helpless and lost in hopelessness, I began to realize that all the dry, cracked areas in my life no longer hurt. In fact, the water felt good on my shell! I began to stop resisting it – maybe I was the one that was wrong. I began to think back and realized that the wind really had helped me. I would have died had the wind not brought me to the water. If I hadn’t found the water I never would have had all the cracks in my body fixed, which would have killed me for sure!
With this realization I began to soak in as much water as I could get, and I sought after the sun. I looked, searched, and I sought after the sun. My very inner being yearned and reached out, and my shell fell away as my very inner parts began to grow upwards toward the sun. The thought crossed my mind that I must be uglier now because I was no longer petite and shiny, but I so desperately wanted the sun that it didn’t stop me.
My roots grew deep into the damp, watery earth, and oh how I now LOVED that water. I was so thankful for the wind that had brought me here. I just wanted to reach the sun.
And one day I saw it! Without even realizing it I had begun to grow up! I could see a glimpse of the sun. The brightness of it lit up the dry ground I was lying under. I had not even completely broken through the earth yet – but I had seen the sun! I was so ecstatic that I just laid there and looked at it. For days I laid there, it turned into weeks, until one day I realized that I had ceased to grow. I felt saddened – what had I done to stop growing? Had I done something wrong? I began to grow again. How silly of me! Of course I couldn’t grow when I didn’t seek the sun. I began to shoot up quicker and quicker.
Years went by and I grew. The sun beat down, and having hard ground with no shade, I grew slowly, and I was a funny shape. I wasn’t beautiful like trees I had seen that grew by rivers and had fruitful ground. I wished I could be as beautiful as they, with long, outstretched branches with green, plush leaves growing on their arms. But I was short and crooked.
It wasn’t until a weary traveler came and sat under my spindly branches to rest from the hot sun that I felt in any way beautiful. The traveler ate one of my apples – it was small and sour, but the traveler seemed relieved, and ate some more. That night I had company as the traveler slept close to my trunk. And suddenly I realized how silly it was of me to compare myself with other trees. Of course I wouldn’t look like them, I was in a completely different situation. I was beautiful – but I had a different beauty then trees that grew in more fertile ground.
As word of me spread, more travelers began to travel my way so that they too could rest under my branches and eat of the little fruit I had. I was so relieved to know that I was useful – I was usable! And as more people came, I began to realize how important I was. I was the only tree here in this desert area, and people needed me. I was beautiful! In fact, I was so important that I decided I no longer needed to worry about keeping myself deeply rooted in the water. I just needed to worry about making myself look beautiful and bigger for when travelers came by. At first I flourished, but then as I began to dry up, I began to wilt. Some of my branches cracked and fell off. I was so embarrassed I tried to cover it up by growing more leaves. But soon even my leaves began to dry up and fall away. Less travelers began to travel my way, and I began to see what I had done to myself. I had heeded the warning of my youth and hadn’t stayed tapped into the water. I was so remorseful I wanted to just wilt and die, yet something in me wouldn’t let me give up now. I didn’t feel I was worthy to go back to the river now, but somehow I knew it would be happy to have me growing there again. I began to focus once again on drinking in the water, and my roots began to grow once again. And the deeper my roots grew, the more water I found. I had forgotten how refreshing the water was! I soaked in as much as I could, and without even realizing it I began to grow my leaves back so that they were greener then ever. And I got more apples – more refreshing then ever. Travelers began to come back and sit under my coverage once again. I was more precarious then ever, now that I had lost some of my precious few branches, but through the words of the travelers I learned that I was more beautiful then ever.
Never again did I forget how much I needed the water. I soaked in all I could, but still, as the years went on I began to grow older. My trunk hardened and I began to grow less apples. Things began to change, especially one day when some rare storm clouds darkened the sky. I shivered in the heavy rain, I missed seeing the sun. The rains poured down, until soon the dried up stream bed I was in turned into a river of rushing, life-bringing water. I could feel my weary, aching limbs giving way against the flowing river. I fought against the river, but I inwardly knew that I couldn’t fight against the water – I’d already tried. So I gave in. Limb after limb floated away, until finally my very roots were pulled along with the river. I sighed happily knowing that when I rested in the water, and let go of what I wanted, more fruit came from it.
As I floated away, my last dying sights were seeing my apples spreading along the banks of the river, spreading more seeds. I laughed with joy realizing that what I had started as one small seed was now a rushing river. Many seeds, fresh and ready to grow and spread their branches, effect other weary travelers, and grow fruit were spreading out along the river bank. Soon the desert would be a fertile land with not only apple trees growing there, but other growth too.
I had lived and I had accomplished what no one else had done. It had been hard, lonely, and completely worth it.
©2004 Jill Forsyth January 23, 1998
For Personal and Group Use.