My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah.  I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest. Psalm 55:4-8

For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company.  Psalm 55:12-14

He hath put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him: he hath broken his covenant. The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.  Psalm 55:20-21

Current studies do not seem to give a single, accepted definition of spousal abuse. However, spousal abuse generally refers to brutal rather than accidental or insubstantial physical contact. Physical violence includes any act or course of action that inflicts bodily harm or that is proposed to inflict physical harm. Physical violence may be composed of kicking, hitting, shoving, choking, throwing objects, or use of a weapon. The severity of physical assaults may range from a slap across the face to homicide. Emotional abuse may include ridiculing or demeaning another person, with-holding affection or privileges and blaming him or her for family interpersonal problems. Emotional abuse often occurs in conjunction with physical violence. Physical abuse leaves broken bones or bruises that is often evident. Emotional abuse tends to lower one’s self esteem and leaves one with a feeling of helplessness, often causing one to be broken in spirit.

Threatened violence is a particular form of emotional abuse. Whether or not the threatened violence acts are carried out, the resulting apprehension and skepticism regarding possible physical assaults maybe more damaging than the violent act itself.

In the vast majority of cases: females are the victims of abuse. However, there are statistics that indicate that men are victims as well. Studies show that approximately thirty five million women and two hundred and fifty thousand men in the United States are battered by their spouse or intimate partner.

Physical assault, any use of force or attempted use of force against one without their consent, including slapping, punching, shoving, shaking, cutting, or burning, as well as sexual assault, any forced sexual activity without consent, are all criminal offenses punishable by law.

Throughout history male violence towards women and children has been socially, legally and religiously endorsed. For countless generations the man was not just the head of the household, he was the household. In ancient Greece, the wife and children were also the man’s absolute property. The order of priority was; father, cattle, mother, children. It is then easy to see how custom could dictate violence toward wives.

Paul’s message was delivered to a society with a history of female subduing. The prevalent view permeating all of Jewish law was that a woman was not a person, she was property, with no legal rights. She was her husband’s possession, and he was free to do with her anything he pleased. Under the Jewish divorce law she could only divorce if her spouse became a leper, an apostate, or engaged in a disgusting trade. On the other hand a man could divorce his wife for almost anything, and he did by simply giving her a bill of divorce in the presence of two witnesses.

The idea of a man managing and controlling his family with absolute authority made its way into European society and law. Physical punishment was justified by so-called "laws of chastisement", known today as abuse.

Teachings from the church taught that a spouse had the right, and sometimes even the obligation to beat his spouse. Society viewed women as needing strict control. The 16th century Protestant Reformation did very little to improve the social position of women in Christian Europe. A woman could not prosecute her husband for beating her, since, in the eyes of the law of the land, she did not exist.

For a long time an attitude of permission toward striking a woman was a part of the American tradition. For many years the battering of women was assumed and accepted as a males’ right in American society.

Spousal abuse is not only a violation of a persons’ right to safety and security; it contaminates the lives of children who live with the violence. Violent patterns of behavior are transmitted from generation to generation. One of the most consistent findings is that abusing parents often report having been abused themselves as children. Abusive parents raise their children as they were raised.

The cycle can and must be broken! Sinful human nature will always be with us, but it is necessary for Christian counselors and Pastors to spread The Good News and help restore the broken hearted.

Child abuse refers to the mistreatment or neglect of a child by a parent and or guardian or care-giver that results in injury or significant emotional or psychological harm to a child. It is expressed in several forms: Physical, Sexual, Neglect, Emotional.

Physical Abuse: Is the deliberate application of force to any part of a child’s body that results in, or may possibly result in a non-accidental injury. It may involve a single incident or a pattern series of incidents. Child physical abuse is unique among the various aspects of family violence because it is often connected to or confused with punishment. Physical abuse may result in permanent damage to either limb or body function. Physical abuse can effect the central nervous system resulting in seizures, mental retardation, cerebral palsy, hearing or visual damage or learning disabilities. Mistreated children have lower IQ’s, poorer language skills and show less completed academic progress than other similar children. The abused child lives in an unpredictable, unhappy, confusing world that may be violent or simply grossly inadequate. Survival may take all the energy a child has. The child may be excessively withdrawn, aggressive or fearful of other people. Abused children have difficulty forming healthy relationships with others.

Sexual Abuse: Occurs when a child is used for the sexual gratification of an adult or adolescent. It involves the exposure of a child to sexual contact, activity or behavior and may include invitation to sexual touching, intercourse or other forms of exploitation, such as juvenile prostitution or pornography. As child sexual abuse is largely a hidden crime, its omnipresence is difficult to assess. The nature of the problem, its secrecy and shame, the criminal penalties it entails and the young age and dependency of its victims, all serve to less voluntary reporting.

Research evidence consistently reports that most children do not disclose their abuse. Even when they do, families may be reluctant to seek assistance.

The most extensive study of child sexual abuse in Canada was conducted by the Committee on Sexual Offenses Against Children and Youth (Badgley, 1984). It claims that:

• 53 % of females and 31% of males have been victims of one or more unwanted sexual acts..
• Approximately four in five of those incidents happened to the victim when they were children or youths.
• A national population survey done for the Badgley Report found approximately three in four victims to be girls and that one in four to be a boy.
• Dr. Ken Finkel in an article in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, estimated that 25% of women and 10% of men are sexually abused before the age of sixteen.
• In Metropolitan Toronto alone it has been estimated that over 2000 children may be sexually abuse each year.

Sexual abuse does not affect every child to the same extent; responses to sexual abuse may vary according to a number of factors:

1. The child’s age and development status.
2. The child’s personality and general level of adjustment.
3. The nature and type of the offense.
4. The relationship of the offender to the child.
5. The frequency and duration of the abuse.
6. The degree of felt shame and guilt.
7. The type of threats used to maintain secrecy; and the reaction of the parents when the sexual activity is discovered.

Childhood sexual victimization may increase the likelihood that an individual will become a perpetrator as an adolescent or adult. It is also disturbing to note the tendencies of women who were sexually abused in childhood to select mates who in turn, are likely to abuse them and sexually exploit their children. The results of sexual abuse leave no doubt about its negative long-term effects. This serves to underscore the seriousness of this silent conspiracy. It must be identified and treated.

Some obvious symptoms and/or possible indicators of sexual abuse are:

• Indirect hints or open statements about abuse.
• Withdrawn, less verbal, depressed or apathetic.
• Self mutilation.
• Pre-occupation with death, guilt, heaven , hell.
• Refusal to undress for gym class at school.
• Fear of bathroom and showers.
• Refusal to be left with potential offender or caretaker.
• Running away behavior.
• Extreme fear or repulsion when touched by an adult of either sex.
• Sleep disturbances, nightmares.
• Inability to concentrate in school, hyperactive.
• Excessive masturbation.
• Combination of violence and sexuality in artwork, written school work, language and play.
• Total denial of problem with total lack of expression or feeling.

Some indications documented by a physician:

• Passive during pelvic examination.
• Torn, stained or bloody underwear
• Bleeding from external genitalia, vagina or anal regions.
• Pain or itching in genitalia’s areas.
• Abrasions and lacerations of genitalia area.
• Pain on urination.
• Penile swelling and /or discharge.
• Vaginal discharge and/or inflammation.

It is not possible to predict exactly if or when child maltreatment will occur in a given family situation. However, a family maybe a high risk if the parent is a loner, feels isolated, no family to depend upon, no real friends, no understanding of child development, feels unloved, unwanted, fear of rejection, personal problems–to name a few.

All family members can be expected to react to disclosure of abuse with one perspective: "How will these events affect me?" Only those with a great deal of strength and security can be expected to sustain continuing concern and support for the victim. Following disclosure we enter a suppression phase, which can lead to minimization of the abuse.

Repression or Recovery Phase is the final phase. If the suppression phase was successful, everything may return to normal. The family system will lapse into its old habits and nothing will have changed. The abuse may even begin again–this is repression component.

A more desirable conclusion is recovery. The road is long and difficult but in spite of the difficulties this is the outcome to which the Christian pastor and counselor should be committed. Work with all the appropriate agencies to make sure the cycle of abuse is stopped and that the family gets the help they need.

Abuse does not necessary fit into one or even two groups of people. In the last few years Elder Abuse has come to the fore front. The horrifying conclusion is that elder abuse is an everyday occurrence. The most commonly accepted categories and definitions of abuse include the following:

• Physical
• Psychological
• Material
• Medical

Elder Abuse includes willful infliction of physical pain, mental anguish, or injuries such as bruises, welts, sprains, dislocations, willful deprivation of service necessary to maintain physical or mental health; sexual abuse, restrictions on freedom of movement, unreasonable confinement and murder, verbal assault, threats, taunting, condemnation, provocation of fear, and physical or emotional isolation, insults and speaking hostility, depriving the aged person of the use of resources accumulated for basic needs, the theft and misuse of money and /or property, with-holding medication or required aids such as false teeth, glasses, hearing aids and violation or breaching of rights, guaranteed to all citizens by The Constitution, Federal Courts and The States (example; opening ones mail, refusing access to a phone and not allowing to have visitors).

 

 

"Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth." Psalm 71:9

"Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer." Proverbs 28:24

As Christians we must focus on carefully researching the causes of abuse and other forms of violence, making the research thorough and comprehensive. While we need to investigate what causes abuse and how best to treat the victims and offender, we must continue immediate efforts to stand by and help. In spite of the magnitude in dealing promptly with violence, it is important to first deal with the dilemma and refuge and reserve moral or commitment issues for a later conference.

We all have the opportunity to minister to those who have been victimized and also the offender. We can be involved in the modeling and teaching of concepts and application relative to the freedom we have under Christ.

Freedom comes from the word "euthros and means unrestrained; to go at pleasure; exempt from obligation or liability; to be liberated. "Freedom is the ability to act or thinks without compulsion or discretionary restriction, a characteristic missing in the lives of sexual offenders. An aspect of our freedom is the escape from the death penalty for sin because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our confession and belief in the redemptive work of Christ give us eternal freedom.

Lets look at another aspect, spiritual maturity, which is the practice of using our powers of perception to distinguish between good and evil. We need maturity to have the proper discernment toward evil-inspired falsehood.

 

"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;" Ephesians 4:14

"For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;" Colossians 1:9

Maturity involves giving up the old ways of thinking and developing the ways of behaving that are appropriate for a Christian. The legalistic, authoritarian personality often found in a sexual offender needs discipleship from Christian leaders who give words of encouragement and hope about the possibility of change.

Christ calls people to what they can become, not because of what they have been. Our maturity comes from that same hope–the hope of improved ability to cope is part of the gift of freedom. Mahatma Gandhi said, "Freedom is not worth having if it does not connate freedom to err."

God doesn’t need a perfect man or woman to accomplish his purpose–only a willing and honest heart. The result can give them true emotional freedom and release from the bondage of pretense. There is awesome power in every one of us, yet millions suffer emotional, physical and spiritual strain. The enemy has attempted to destroy God’s creativity.

Those who suffer likely wonder whether life will ever be normal again. Emotional strain from years of abuse, being taken advantage of and being used in the most horrible and debased ways, leaves one feeling used and dirty wondering, how could anyone wants someone who has been abused? Nevertheless, God can use the abused. God wants them and so does God’s people.

Mistakes made early in life impacts the rest of our lives, but God looks down from Heaven and sees the pain and the guilt. He evaluated the situation and decided we needed a Redeemer. We needed someone to reach down and lift us up. He saw that we needed to recognize just how important we are. It is impossible to know all that was in the mind of God when He looked down on a broken humanity but we know He looked past our broken hearts, wounded histories, our tendency to sin and saw our need. He met that need through Jesus Christ. Jesus took the abuse on Himself on the Cross of Calvary, paid for the shame. He made a way to be clean again. He took all our indiscretions and sin upon Himself and died in our place. He saw that desire to please others and feel good. Thus, He took all our sinful desires and crucified them on the cross.

When we accept Him, we become clean and holy, made pure. Never think we are alone, everyone struggles with some kind of sin whether they show it or not. The abused little girl, the battered woman, the elder who was rejected was healed by the stripes of Jesus.

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

"I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

The past is paid for. The wounds may leave scars, but the scars are only there to remind us that we are human. Everyone has scars.

God recognizes the possibility of what we can become, even the offender. He has a plan. He sees the potential. Hidden inside everyone is a great person who can do great exploits in His Name. He wants us to be set free. He wants the potential within us to be released so we can become the person we were created to be. The person to unleash us is in our faith. Dare to believe that He will do what He said He would do. We have to shift our confidence from our own weakness to His Power. Trust Him rather than ourselves. Anyone who comes to Christ will find deliverance and healing. He will soothe the wounds and comfort us in our desperate moments. He will raise us up! We have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Jesus will straighten the crooked places in our hearts and make us whole. Allowing Him access to every area of our life, we will never be the same broken person again.

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17

BIBLIOGRAPHY:

• All Bible verses are from The King James Bible

• Counseling for Family Violence and Abuse; by Grant L. Martin, Ph.D., General Editor; Gary R. Collins, Ph.D.; Published by: Word Publishing

• Break The Silence; Department of Social Services; Government of The Northwest Territories, Yellowknife, NT

• Woman Thou Art Loosed; Healing The Wounds Of The Past by- T.D. Jakes; Published by; Treasure House; An Imprint of Destiny Image Publishers, Inc., P.O. Box 310, Shippensburg, PA 17257-0310

©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.

Depression is possibly responsible for more pain and distress than any other affliction of mankind. Although it is difficult to define, the dictionary states it as an emotional condition, either neurotic or psychotic, characterized by feelings of hopelessness, inadequacy, gloominess, dejection, difficulty in thinking and concentration, and inactivity. Some neurotic depression is linked to wrong conduct or behavior and wrong reaction to such conduct. After a series of improper acts and subsequent faulty reactions, guilt and depression set in.

Both Christian and non- Christian may be victims of depression. Either is often concerned with only with feeling better. But this is not first in order of priority. Rather, they must seek the cause which may have contributed to their depression. Putting their life in order spiritually will eventually make them feel better.

Depression is sometimes referred to as the Common Cold of mental health. Everybody gets it at one time or another. For most people, depression, like the common cold runs a normal, short course and ends without need for special medical or therapeutic care.

Depression perhaps more than any other condition shows the marvelous and constant interplay in human beings between body, mind, spirit, will, genetic inheritance, social and religious environment and individual life story. All these factors woven together produce a profound depression in some people.

The term ‘depression’ is often used to describe a normal emotion that passes quickly. Everyone feels down, blue, or sad occasionally, but depression is a whole body illness, affecting the way a person eats, sleeps and feels about one’s self. It is not a passing sad  mood. People with major depression often feels sad, helpless, hopeless and irritable.  Although it is perfectly normal to experience these feelings occasionally, people suffering from clinical depression cannot simply snap out of it. It is the persistence and severity of these emotions that distinguishes clinical depression from normal mood changes.

The term ‘clinical depression’ means the depression is severe enough to require treatment. The types of clinical depression include major depression, dysthymia, bipolar disorder and seasonal affective disorder. Depression usually begins in adolescence or early adulthood. It is often not recognized and thus people who have it may suffer for years without proper diagnosis or treatment.

Although the exact mechanism that triggers depression is not known, a serious loss, chronic illness, difficult relationship or any unwelcome change in life patterns can trigger a depressive episode. It is also said that people with a family history of depression are generally at higher risk.

Problems and misfortunes are a part of life. Everyone experiences unhappiness and many become depressed, some temporarily when things don’t go as they would like. Experiences of failure commonly results in temporary feelings of worthlessness and self-blame, while personal loses cause feelings of sadness, disappointment and emptiness. Such feelings are normal, and they usually pass after a short time. This is not the cause  with depressive illness. Depression becomes an illness when such feelings becomes severe. Depression can change the way a person thinks and behaves and how the body functions.

Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptom. Symptoms and their severity vary with each individual case of depression. The highest rates of depression disorders are found among those ages 24 – 44 and the rate of clinical depression for  women is about double that of men.

People with depression may suffer from any of the following symptoms:

• You feel sad or cry a lot and it doesn’t go away.

• You feel guilty for no reason, you feel like you’re no good, you’ve lost your confidence.

• Life seems meaningless or like nothing good is ever going to happen again. You have a negative attitude a lot of the time or it seems like you have no feelings.

• You don’t feel like doing a lot of the things you used to like; music, sports, being with friends, going out and you want to be left alone most of the time.

• It’s hard to make up your mind. You forget lots of things and it’s hard to concentrate.

• You get irritated often. Little things make you lose your temper, you over -react.

• Your sleep pattern changes, you start sleeping a lot more or you have trouble falling asleep at night, or you wake up really early most mornings and can’t get back to sleep.

• Your eating pattern changes; you’ve lost your appetite or you eat a lot more.

• Your feeling restless and tired most of the time.

• You think about death or feel like you’re dying or have thoughts about committing suicide.

• A sudden loss of interest and personal hygiene

• Change to an alternative, uncharacteristic lifestyle.

• Loss of energy, always tired. Possible symptoms of physical pain.

• Sudden weight gain or loss.

• An inordinate number of marks, bruises or wounds on the body.

• A compulsion to do something to the point of excess.

• Procrastination of day to day tasks to the point of disrupting life style.

• Confusion, asking for advice when the answer seems apparent.

• Comments usually very negative, yet maybe masked as inappropriate humor.

• “I am worthless.”

• “There is no hope of change.”

• Defeat comments, “I never get a break.”

• “My luck will never change.”

• “God has deserted me.”

• “My life will change if only” – Blaming all the problems on someone or something.

We are the sum of what we experienced in life and our reactions to these experiences whether positive or negative. With depression there are some organic malfunctions that may trigger feelings of depression. Most symptoms and maladies defined as depression are the consequences of unbiblical habits and /or sinful reactions to circumstances and other people. Depression maybe experienced by anyone and must be dealt with from God’s perspective and not from your own or any other person’s philosophy. The depressed thinks that their problems and pain are unique, they feel that they are all alone and many times when first becoming depressed the symptoms of depression make them feel as though they are going crazy. They feel all alone in the mist of a supportive congregation at church or in the mist of their workplace or of a loving family.

Depression is not to be used as an excuse for you to live in an unbiblical manner. Even if you feel depressed, you are still to live biblically. Your thoughts, words, and actions are always to edify others and bring glory to God instead of just obeying God’s word when you  feel like it

John 15:8-12 (NCV)

You should produce much fruit and show that you are my followers, which brings glory to my Father.  I loved you as the Father loved me. Now remain in my love.  I have obeyed my Father’s commands, and I remain in his love. In the same way, if you obey my commands, you will remain in my love.  I have told you these things so that you can have the same joy I have and so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy. “This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you.

James 1:22-25 (NCV)

Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. Those who hear God’s teaching and do nothing are like people who look at themselves in a mirror. They see their faces and then go away and quickly forget what they looked like. But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God’s perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God’s teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy.

The way you feel and the way you view yourself, your relationships and circumstances are often indications of whether you are living to please yourself or living to please God. It is not the world or things of the world that should occupy our thoughts and time,  are you approaching life from God’s perspective, living and thinking God’s Word.  Fear, darkness, and depression reveals the absence of a loving God and neighbor.

Romans 14:17-18 (NCV)

In the kingdom of God, eating and drinking are not important. The important things are living right with God, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Anyone who serves Christ by living this way is pleasing God and will be accepted by other people.

1 John 4:18-21(NCV)

Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears.  We love because God first loved us.  If people say, “I love God,” but hate their brothers or sisters, they  are liars. Those who do not love their brothers and sisters, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have never seen.  And God gave us this command: Those who love God must also love their  brothers and sisters.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NCV)

Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And  God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

No matter how difficult any situation appears, the Lord Jesus Christ has overcome it. God will not allow anything into your life that is beyond His control or beyond your ability to handle it without sinning. Trials are for your good, they will bring out the power of God in your life when you respond biblically.

John 16:33 (NCV)

I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world.

Romans 5:3-5 (NCV)

We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience.  And patience produces character, and character produces hope.  And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts. He gave us his love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us.

1 Corinthians 10:13

The only temptation that has come to you is that which everyone has. But you can trust God, who will not permit you to be tempted more than you can stand. But when you are tempted, he will also give you a way to escape so that you will be able to stand it.

All the terrible things that are happening to you are but light afflictions. Look beyond the circumstances and see God in control, perfecting and maturing you for an eternal destiny.

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NCV)

This makes you very happy, even though now for a short time different kinds of troubles may make you sad.   These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold, which can be proved to be pure by fire but will ruin. But the purity of your faith will bring you praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you.

2 Corinthians 4:7-10 (NCV)

We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.  We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living.  We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.  We carry the death of Jesus in our own bodies so that the life of Jesus can also be seen in our bodies.

The psychic pain of depression is real, continues day after day, The pain is cumulative, ever present and without end. It effects your very being, your essence, your soul and you embrace death to end that which seems to have no end in life. The truth is the conscious depressed mind cannot from within, determine either the cause or know the cure of depression. Depression often is a chemical imbalance and the cause is yet unknown, which effects mood and emotions, over which the depressed has little or no control. The depressed want negative feed back. They seek, remember and rationalize the negative and forget or discount the positive. If forced upon them, the positive will anger and or hurt the depressed. They have evidence to the contrary, as the positive has left their life and they see no prospect of it ever returning. They may feel as though God has deserted them and that God does not answer their prayers.

Lets take a look at a few of the prophets:

MOSES:  

Exodus 18:12-22 (NCV)

Then Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, gave a whole burnt offering and other sacrifices to God. Aaron and all the older leaders of Israel came to Moses’ father-in-law to eat the holy meal together before God.  The next day Moses solved disagreements among the people, and the people stood around him from morning until night. When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, “What is all this you are doing for the people? Why are you the only one to solve disagreements? All the people are standing around you from morning until night!”  Then Moses said to his father-in-law, “It is because the people come to me for God’s help in solving their disagreements.  When people have a disagreement, they come to me, and I decide who is right. I tell them God’s laws and teachings.” Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “You are not doing this right.  You and the people who come to you will get too tired. This is too much work for you; you can’t do it by yourself.  Now listen to me, and I will give you some advice. I want God to be with you. You must speak to God for the people and tell him about their disagreements.  Warn them about the laws and teachings, and teach them the right way to live and what they should do.  But choose some capable men from among the people-men who respect  God, who can be trusted, and who will not change their decisions for money. Make these men officers over the people, to rule over groups of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens.  Let these officers solve the disagreements among the people all the time. They can bring the hard cases to you, but they can decide the simple cases themselves. That will make it easier for you, because they will share the work with you.

Numbers 11:10-16

Moses heard every family crying as they stood in the entrances of their tents. Then the Lord became very angry, and Moses got upset. He asked the Lord, “Why have you brought me, your servant, this trouble?  What have I done wrong that you made me responsible for all these people?  I am not the father of all these people, and I didn’t give birth to them. So why do you make me carry them to the land you promised to our ancestors? Must I carry them in my arms as a nurse carries a baby? Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep crying to me, ‘We want meat!’ I can’t take care of all these people alone. It is too much for me.  If you are going to continue doing this to me, then kill me now. If you care about me, put me to death, and then I won’t have any more troubles.” The Lord said to Moses, “Bring me seventy of Israel’s older leaders, men that you know are leaders among the people. Bring them to the Meeting Tent, and have them stand there with you.

JOSHUA:

Joshua 7:7-9 (NCV)

Then Joshua said, “Lord God, you brought our people across the Jordan River. Why did you bring us this far and then let the Amorites destroy us? We would have been happy to stay on the other side of the Jordan. Lord, there is nothing I can say now. Israel has been beaten by the enemy.  The Canaanites and all the other people in this country will hear about this and will surround and kill us all! Then what will you do for your own great name?”

And lets look at ;

THE DISCIPLES:

Luke 24:13-17 (NCV)

That same day two of Jesus’ followers were going to a town named Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem.  They were talking about everything that had happened.  While they were talking and discussing, Jesus himself came near and began walking with them,  but they were kept from recognizing him.  Then he said, “What are these things you are talking about while you walk?” The two followers stopped, looking very sad.

C.H. Spurgeon ; revered as last century’s greatest Baptist preacher, was so plagued by discouragement, depression, fatigue and illness that he tendered his registration thirty two times in thirty- nine years. Interestingly, he gradually discovered that such lows always seemed to precede new times of empowering for ministry.

A.M. Simpson; that highly respected Missionary Statesman, exceptional preacher and founder of the Christian and Missionary Alliance – was yet another great achiever who was always susceptible to periods of despair. 
He stated; “ I don’t make excuses, having the disposition of a professional taster which  is nothing to boast about. Depression usually marks lost faith in the one with whom I have entrusted my future. It dishonors the one who floods my life with endless love and manipulates for good everything that touches me. When I’m low, however, the last thing I need is despondency about my despondency. Though we slide on a downer, that does not make us losers. A horde of spiritual giants have been on the slide before us and lived to excel”

If you are losing your life situation, if you cannot control your emotions, if you think that your situation is hopeless and will never improve, if you have suicidal thoughts, if nothing seems to give you joy anymore and you are constantly and oppressively sad, if you feel as though God has forsaken you and is punishing you, if you feel as though a black hole is sucking in all the good in your life or that a black cloud over your head follows you and causes disappointments, if you feel worthless and that you deserve to be punished, if you wake early in the morning for no apparent reason, if you think that all your problems are caused by other people or events you cannot control and that your situation can only improve if they change, if you have any one of these feelings or thoughts, then there is a good chance that you are depressed.

Most people know what it is like to be depressed. It is a condition into which most people slide from time to time, and it is not a pleasant experience, no one enjoys it.Some of us get depressed only once in a while. Others of us are always fighting depression. To us emotional ups and downs are a way of life.

There are many factors which can contribute to depression. Some of these involve chemical imbalance. Others of us equipped with an emotional makeup which seems to make depression come easy. Perhaps our  upbringing and environment trained us to more easily slip into depression. But whatever the cause, depression is no laughing matter. It is a paralyzing condition which can effect all we do. It can, in time, become nothing less than an emotional prison from which there is no escape.

Gladly, depression is not something Christians need to accept. It has definite causes and definite solutions. It is certainly NOT something which is too hard for God.

Depression is a condition from which we can find freedom in Jesus Christ. Depression strikes people of all ages, back rounds, life styles and nationalities. It is estimated about 17.6 million people in the United States alone suffer from depression at any given time, and that up to 25% of all women and up to 12% of all men will experience a major depression at sometime in their lives.

It is often asked, “Is depression recognizable;” sometimes;  in addition to the symptoms of depression, many depressed people may also complain of physical problems. For example, someone might have chronic aches and pains that just can’t be explained, such as persistent headaches, backaches or stomach aches.

Depressed people may also complain of digestive problems such as dry mouth or constipation, and some people even experience unexplained pain in different parts of the body. Being constantly worried, anxious or irritable are also possible signs of depression.

Finding help for depression is not an easy task. The research one does and the decisions one  make at this point in time will have a profound and lasting effect on their health and well being  for the rest of their life. The very symptoms of depression makes it difficult to discriminate between what makes one feel better in the short term and what will have a lasting therapeutic effect for the long term.

In our sometimes frantic search to end the terrible pain of depression we tend to latch on to causes and solutions which may not have a basis in reality as much as there is a basis in our desperate need for relief. Many of us want a miracle to cure us, where the mystical therapist does their special thing and suddenly we are cured or we pray for divine intervention, or all we need to do is pop a pill and everything is instantly OK, but seldom does it happen that way.

Depression in many ways can be viewed the same as the addictive process, where the very thing we feel we need or want most is the very same thing that is most harmful to us.

If our mind, because of the depression, works against our seeking help, and works against our being able to discriminate between what will be helpful and that which will do us more harm, then how are we going to be able to make decisions which will end this unrelenting pain? The answer is, most of us cannot.

The truth is our depressed mind does not give us good counsel, our depressed mind seeks to relieve the pain by whatever means as long as it makes us feel better, without regard to the long term consequences and without regard to what will eventually end the depression.

If we allow our depression to dictate what is and what is not therapeutic we run the distinct risk of worsening our depression , ending the depression will become more and more difficult. The root issue behind depression is that life isn’t going the way you want it to go, so become unhappy, infact you have a sense of hopelessness – a hopelessness that tells you that things will never change.

For those who suffer from chronic depression, this condition is not because they are having a bad day. Or necessarily the result of some truly terrible tragedy. It is a condition learned and practiced until it has become automatic. It is a pattern which governs them.

Once again the root issue behind depression; “I am not getting my own way!” My own way, does not necessarily need to be sinful, in the sense of open rebellion. It is easy to get depressed, for instance, if something good doesn’t happen that should have happened, or if something really bad happens.

We all get depressed  from time to time – not because we demanded this or that – but because we wished for the right thing. And it didn’t work out.

It is also a fact that some people don’t get depressed when they don’t get their own way.  They get bitter or angry. There are even some people who remains happy. All of these reactions are possible for Christians and non-Christians alike.

Depression, then is really only one of many possible patterns we may have in this old creation. Thus, the principles of bondage which keeps us in depression, and the principle of freedom to get us out, not only apply to depression, but apply to any other bondage we may have in this life.

The suggestion that the root issue behind depression is not getting ‘my way’ in life is easy to prove. Simply ask: “Am I ever depressed because things DO go my way? When my will is satisfied, when my agenda is fulfilled, when my desires are brought to pass, does this depress me?”  Of course not! When things go my way, I’m not depressed at all, or I’m not as depressed as much. Depression, therefore, is hardly the result of things going my way. It is the result of them NOT going my way.

But it is here that we must be clear about something. Depression is not caused by the way life treats us. No, it is caused by the way we treat life. In other words, our emotions and spiritual conditions is not caused by what life does to us. It is caused by how we choose to react to life.

None of us desire to be depressed. Yet we have developed our patterns of the flesh. Maybe we grew up in a family and were provided a certain example. Maybe we were born with a certain temperament, and over the course of our childhood, we unconsciously and without malice, developed a pattern of expression and self-assertion. None of us ever sat down and plotted out our pattern of the flesh. No one ever chooses to be a depressed person. We simply become what we are because we were lost and without God in the old creation. 

Looking at depression from a clinical point of view, certainly the most important indicator that one needs therapy is if they are having suicidal thoughts. This is especially true if they have begun to think that there is no other option left and that suicide is the only way to end this pain. If they have formulated a plan and how and when they will kill themselves, they should be urge to seek help, NOW!

Encourage them to get to a local hospital as soon as possible, if the crisis is severe call a crisis help line and let them know, and help them through the crisis.

Suicidal thoughts and depression are episodic, in that one will have periods which are worse than at other times, but the intense feelings will abate if they give themselves time and seek help. If they are no longer able to control their periods of despair, and if it seems that their life situation is no longer under control and they are entirely at the mercy of someone else, if their interpersonal relationships are falling apart there is a good chance that the depression is beginning to take control of their motions and it is taking control of their life situation. If they do not make a decision to intervene and seek counseling the depression will worsen and to regain control will be difficult .

Sometime they may have the feeling that they are going crazy. This is not an uncommon thought when a person first experiences the symptoms of depression. Without defining what the term ‘crazy’ means, a

person who is actually going crazy probably does not have a complete realization of what is happening to them and will most likely blame their problems on someone or something other than themselves. They many times think that they are sane and it is the rest of the world that has gone crazy. The automatic thought; ‘I think I am going crazy,” arises due to a reaction to the symptoms of depression.  The confusion, the loss of memory, the anger, he despair, the ups and downs, and the loss of central of one’s emotions, all are perplexing when they first become depressed. The feeling that they are loosing their mind happens as the depression begins to take control, it is also a very good indication that intervention is needed and that it is time to seek therapy.

Many begin to consider the need for therapy only when there is a crisis or when life has come to a point where we are no longer in control, or there are strong suicidal urges. Yet depression does not have to reach a crisis stage before one seeks therapy. One has to recognize the warning signs of depression so that they begin to work on healing before the depression reaches a crisis stage. This allows one to be able to recognize they are depressed and use improved self help methods to avert a crisis and heal one’s self.

Types of therapies will range all the way from someone with a lay back – I’m your best friend attitude, using simplistic relaxation excises and or ineffective tranquilizers, and a counseling technique taken directly from their psych. 234 class used on every patient who walk through their doors. At the other extreme you have the drug only therapist who thinks most depression is genetic, that we have no control and that environment has no effect, their approach is lacking empathy, and they are arrogant, ( I know more than you.  I have more education than you. I am smarter than you, therefore I know what is best – do as I say.) Somewhere between these two extremes we should be able to find a therapist who can help them to overcome depression.

In view of the fact that God knows all about us and He does not blame us for it. We did not create the mess into which we were born. We did not commit the original sin nor did we ever decide we liked it. We were born into it without giving our permission.

What then is our responsibility?  To surrender to God. In other words, we are not responsible for being born in Adam, but we are responsible, once we see the truth, for being born again in Christ. Once we see the way out of any sin, or any condition of  the flesh, we have to realize that we are responsible for allowing God to deliver us from it. No longer should we plead ignorance.

Lets look at salvation – God never blames us for being born into Adam, He never says it is our fault for lack of salvation. But He does say; “Here is salvation in Christ.” “Here is your way out.” But if we refuse, we come under the judgment of God. It is precisely what John says:

John 3:16-19 (NCV)

God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son so that whoever believes in him may not be lost, but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to judge the world guilty, but to save the world through him. People who believe in God’s Son are not judged guilty. Those who do not believe have already been judged guilty, because they have not believed in God’s one and only Son.  They are judged by this fact: The Light has come into the world, but they did not want light. They wanted darkness, because they were doing evil things.

If we can read this passage with out getting lost in the familiarity of it, we would see that it is plainly telling us that this is condemnation: That light has come into the world, but men instead love darkness. We would see that it tells us that God sent His Son into the world NOT to condemn the world, but to offer this light and salvation. It is only when we knowingly reject the Truth, in favor of our will, our evil deeds, that are without excuse.

When the thoughts like life isn’t worth living takes over our thinking, obviously the evil one, is behind it. Depression surprisingly resists all attempts to break free, including prayer, praise and rebuking satan. One has to realize how to counter-attack by refusing to believe the lies coming into your mind.

Simple logic affirms that if a loving God created us in His image, He must have been motivated by a longing to share His joys with us. Isn’t that the very nature of love? He must have given us life so that He can shower us with His love and blessings. Scripture reveals with brutal frankness that life can be unpleasant at times, just read the book of Job. But since a good, loving God has the final say, life, when viewed in its entirety, must be worth living, no matter how hard that might be to believe when you can see only a fragment of it.

So when one is depressed, they have to learn how to prepare themselves for battle by thanking and praising God for the life He has given us, and for the unimaginable joys He must have stored up for us. And whenever the temptation to depression returns, they have plenty of ammunition to fight the deception, such as remembering Job in the Bible, who wished he had never been born, only because in the midst of his trial he had no idea of the great blessings God was preparing for him.

It sounds ridiculously simple, and yet it can turn one’s life around. You might not always feel on top of the world, we are often not responsible for our feelings, but we are responsible for our beliefs. If we choose to believe the right things, despite what you presently see and feel. What really matters however is not elusive feelings but what one believes, because in the long term, it is the beliefs we cling to when everything seems to say the opposite, that ends up affecting both one’s actions and relationship with our wonderful Lord.

It is NOT always easy believing that God really loves you. Sometimes we don’t even love ourselves most of the time, and we would have thought we would be more willing to make allowances for imperfections and stupidity than would a flawless God. Some might even say, “It’s not easy believing in a heaven I have never seen.”  “It’s not easy trying to imagine joys that could possibly compensate all I am presently going through.” But faith is all God ask of us. John was right . Faith is the victory.

1 John 5:4(NCV)

Because everyone who is a child of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world-our faith.

Psalm 42:5 (NCV)

Why am I so sad? Why am I so upset? I should put my hope in God and keep praising him, my Savior and my God.

This refrain found  twice in this Psalm, flies in the face of the slave mentality that the evil one tries to foster within us. We need no longer act like helpless victims of emotions and circumstances. We can choose to have hope. But note that we are set free not by positive thinking – mere human effort- but by looking to Jesus, Our  Wonderful Lord.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NCV)

So that I would not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown to me, a painful physical problem was given to me. This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud.  I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. But he said tome, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me.  For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.

Ephesians 5:20 (NCV)

Always give thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NCV)

We have around us many people whose lives tell us what faith means. So let us run the race that is before us and never give up. We should remove from our lives anything that would get in the way and the sin that so easily holds us back.  Let us look only to Jesus, the One who began our faith and who makes it perfect. He suffered death on the cross. But he accepted the shame as if it were nothing because of the joy that God put before him. And now he is sitting at the right side of God’s throne.

Revelation 12:11(NVC)

And our brothers and sisters defeated him by the blood of the Lamb’s death and by the message they preached. They did not love their lives so much that they were afraid of death.

Do not be bitter about your conditions, thank God for your circumstances or physical condition that you cannot correct. But correct all deficiencies in your life that hinder you from serving Him and others. Biblical self-evaluation is necessary in every area of our life which includes our actions, our relationship with others, our words and our thoughts life, As we obey God’s Word in all areas of our life, we will receive His Blessings.

1 Corinthians 11:31(NCV)

But if we judged ourselves in the right way, God would not judge us.

Ephesians 4:29 (NCV)

When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need-words that will help others become  stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you.

James 1:25 25 (NCV)

But the truly happy people are those who carefully study God’s perfect law that makes people free, and they continue to study it. They do not forget what they heard, but they obey what God’s teaching says. Those who do this will be made happy.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Nelson Mandela, 1994 Inaugural Speech

©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.

Consider, for example, Psalms 69, 88, or 102, but notice that these songs of despair are set in a context of hope. In Psalm 43 King David proclaims both depression and rejoicing when he writes:

• Why are you downcast, O my soul ? Why so disturbed within me ?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Elsewhere in the Bible it appears that Job, Moses, Jonah, Peter and the whole nation of Israel experienced depression. Jeremiah the prophet wrote a whole book of lamentations. Elijah saw God’s mighty power at work on Mt. Carmel, but when Jezebel threatened murder, Elijah fled to the wilderness where he plunged into despondency. He wanted to die and might have done so except for the "treatment" that came from an angel sent by God.

Then there was Jesus in Gethsemane, where he was greatly depressed, an observation which is poignantly described of the Amplified Bible:

• "He began to show grief and distress of mind and was deeply depressed. Then He said to them, My soul is very sad and deeply grieved, so that I am almost dying of sorrow"

Depression often has a physical basis, ranking highest among the misunderstood emotions and the most painful of all emotional disorders. One needs to be finely tuned to the convoluted intricacy of this multi-faceted ailment. Good intentions are not enough, you need to know enough about your own propersonity to depression to be inoculated against sympathetically picking it up from another. You cannot help when you don’t understand. Even experienced psychotherapists lack the patience needed to walk through the dark valley with the melancholic. Sometimes their own depression reactions are too easily set in motion by the pain of another’s unhappiness. Depression often referred to as the ‘hidden’ illness. We cannot escape the reality of depression, we will either be a victim to it or called upon to support someone through it. Depression significantly impacts the Spiritual dimensions of life therefore the Christian church has to face this challenge with understanding, be willing to confront the challenge. Failure to understand and have a clear understanding of the nature of depression can produce consequences more serious than the depression itself. There are times when depression can be welcome and even valued, it can be used to bring healing to the total person.

Depression is more disabling than most chronic illnesses. Even though there are now very effective treatments available, most people with depression remain undiagnosed and untreated due to lack of awareness and not accepting depression as a legitimate illness. The unnecessary suffering often continues for a lifetime, causing intense mental, emotional and physical anguish.

Depression is a complex emotion, often referred to as "the common cold of the mind." and has been with us since beginning of human existence, built into our minds and bodies just as thinking and feeling. There are various kinds of depression, ranging from clinical depression to unceasing spiritual attack, and also biochemical imbalances. While the more serious forms of the disorder must be referred to a trained specialist, help can and must be provided at many levels. Some needing only caring and concerned lay counseling help and understanding friends and loved ones. Depression effects the whole person. Even though we may not be aware of it, when we are depressed all areas of our life are affected. There are many forms as well as many causes of depression. A common theme that depression is the result of sin must also be balanced with the fact that sin is not the only cause of depression nor is all depression the consequence of sinful acts. Depression should never be seen as God’s punishment for sin.

Galations 6:7 tells us..

• "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."

This is not only a spiritual law but a natural one also. Sinful behavior can and will give rise to circumstances that cause depression.

The expression of ‘loss’ is one of the most common forms of depression. One must be careful to distinguish between the cause of depression and the consequences of the loss. Separating the cause from the depression is extremely important and for these reasons:

• If the cause is natural loss then the element of guilt should be removed, this guilt adds more loss, and aggravates the depression further.

• If the cause is sinful focus on that.

•  Separate the pain from the disease, in other words the cause for the depression.

•  Separation speeds up the healing process.

Sometimes the cause of a depression can be clearly traced back to an inability to accept God’s conditions for our lives or to adjust to situations in which God has placed us.

It is not true to think that whenever we are depressed it is a sign of weak faith, nor is it true that depression is a form of God’s abandonment this is nonsense. Depression is not caused by God turning his back on us, but us turning our back on Him.

Remember never take away from deeply hurting and painful individuals the relief that modern medicine and Christian Counseling can provide.

God never intended that He should cure all our pain and suffering. If this was His intention, why would He have encouraged us to "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Gal.. 6:2.

Depression more than any other emotional disturbance prompts questions because the depression itself increases the sensitivity to guilt feelings and creates a helpless outlook. All depression have spiritual components. One cannot be depressed, whatever the cause and not experience some spiritual sequence. They are commonly negative and annihilative.

God’s healing is a gift and it is His precedence when to give it. He can clearly cut across nature and perform the supernatural. In the Christian’s life the indwelling Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit enables a healing process to take place.

James 5:16 tell us;  "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." Confession of faults to one another is closely akin to Christian Counseling and we do this with prayer so as to be healed. This is the privilege of every Christian. Good daily living and living at peace with God is freedom for every person not just the Christian. As Christians we should be open to and allow the following levels of healing to be available in our lives:

• God heals through miraculous interventions.

• God heals through the resources of the Gospel.

• Healing is effected through Christian living.

• Healing through human interventions with nature.

There are four conditions under which depression is related to sin:

• When the cause is sinful.

• When we fail to take the necessary steps toward healing.

• When depression is the consequence of giving power to others, allowing others to control our lives and deviate us from the plan and purpose to which God has called us.

• Fail to rise from depression at the appropriate time.

The effects of depression can be very devastating. Assure the client that depression makes spiritual problems seem worse. Reassure them that you will help them find a way back to God.

Assure them that God is still in control!! AMEN he understands their pain and will help in the healing process. Don’t allow them to try and figure out why. Encourage them to cerise faith even if qualms are over whelping create hope; reassure them that they will come out of this. Show your confidence that healing will take place and assure your client that you will be there until it is over. Encourage regular praying, even if they don’t feel like God is not near, regular Bible reading.

Many people hide their depression or see it as something they must live with or deny. Some factors that may add to a person’s depression may be:

• Sex ; being that there is a higher rate in women with evidence leaning strong that the menstrual cycle may be adding risk for depression.

• Age, showing that a higher prevalence of depression symptoms in young adults.

• The elderly are also becoming more depression prone as life-span is lengthened.

• Separation and or divorce persons show a higher incidence of depression than do others.

• There is evidence that depression is higher in persons of lower socioeconomic status

Manic depression has a compelling evidence of hereditary factors and much more than other types of depression.

It is our responsibility as well as obligation to help these people cope with this pain in an effective and life restoring way. There are many approaches to counseling and the big question facing all new comers to the counseling field is: which approach is most effective. All types of therapy have been shown to contribute some help.

Depressed people are often passive, nonverbal, poorly motivated, pessimistic and characterized by a resigned "what’s the use?" attitude. The counselor, therefore, must reach out verbally, taking a more active role than he or she might take with most other counselees. Optimistic reassuring statements, sharing of facts about how depression affects people, patiently encouraging counselees to talk (but NOT pushing them to talk), asking questions, giving periodic compliments and gently sharing scripture without preaching can all be helpful.. Confrontation, probing questions, demands for action, and non-directive approaches should all be avoided, especially in the beginning, since these techniques often increase anxiety and this creates more discouragement and pessimism. It does not follow, of course, that the counselor talks and does not listen. As the counselee becomes more comfortable and begins to talk, the counselor should listen attentively. Watch for evidences of anger, hurt, negative thinking, poor self-esteem, and guilt.. Encourage the counselee to talk about those life situations that are bothersome. Avoid "taking sides", but try to be understanding and accepting of feelings. Watch, especially for talk about losses, failures, rejection and other incidents which may have stimulated the current depression.

• Physical-Genetic Causes

• Learned Helplessness

• Negative Thinking

• Life Stress

• Anger

• Guilt

Effects of Depression

Depression leads to many effects. In general, the deeper the depression the more intense the effects. Several are; Unhappiness and Inefficiency, Masked Reactions, Withdrawal, Suicide.

Depressed people are often passive, nonverbal, poorly motivated, pessimistic and characterized by a resigned "what’s the use?" attitude. The counselor, therefore must reach out verbally, taking a more active role than he or she might take with most other counselees.

In counseling the depressed, be aware of their special need to be dependent. Ask yourself, " Am I encouraging dependence in an already depressed dependent person, so that I can build my own feelings of power or importance?" "Am I encouraging anger or negative thinking?" "Am I making so many demands that the counselee feels devastated and thus needs to cling?" Unaware of these tendencies, counselors sometimes increase the depression inadvertently instead of contributing to its relief.

Counseling the depressed can take different directions, many of which you may want to use with each counselee.

1. Medical Approaches: Psychiatrists and other medical doctors often use antidepressant drugs to help change the counselee’s mood and make him or her more amenable to therapy. More controversial is the use of shock treatment. This leads to convulsions and a period of confusion followed by a brightening of mood. Although widely criticized this remains a popular form of treatment for severely depressed, the actively suicidal and those people who for medical reasons, cannot take drugs. All of this helps with symptom relief but such techniques are only temporary if they are not followed or accompanied by counselling which deals with the sources of the depression. Non-medical counselors may want to contact a psychiatrist or other physician who could prescribe drugs for the temporary relief of a depressed counselee. Also if the counselee has physical symptoms, referral to a psychologically astute physician is extremely important.

2. Evaluating Causes: Counseling is always easier if we can find the psychological and spiritual causes which produce the symptoms. Through questioning and careful listening look for signs that may be causing this depression.

3. Stimulate Realistic Thinking: Most people do not "snap out" of depression. The road to recovery is long, difficult and marked by mood fluctuations which come with special intensity when there are disappointments, failures, or separations. Counselees must be helped to accept human frailty. " We all need to make a list of our priorities and then figure out how much we can do without becoming angry, frustrated, exhausted or sorry for ourselves" when we fail.  To change feelings we must change thinking and we must change actions.

4. Change the Environment: Counselors cannot do much to change the depression-producing circumstances in a person’s life, but it possible to encourage counselees to modify routines, reduce work loads or take periodic vacations.

5. Protect the Counselee from Self-harm: People can harm themselves in ways- by changing jobs, for example, by quitting school or by making unwise marriage decisions. The counselor must be alert to a tendency for people to make major long lasting decisions when they are in the grip of depression.

Suicide is one action which is contemplated by many depressed people. Since most of these people give prior clues about their intentions, the counselor should be alert to indications that suicide is being considered. Be alert, for example, to any of the following:

• evidence of a "Thought out" plan of action for actually killing one"s self

• talk of suicide

• feeling of hopelessness and / or meaninglessness

• indications of guilt and worthlessness

• an inability to cope with stress

• excessive concern about physical illness

• evidence of depression, disorientation and or defiance

• dependent and dissatisfied at the same time

• sudden shift to a happy, cheerful mood

• Knowledge regarding the most effective methods of suicide (shooting, drugs and carbon monoxide works best; wrist slashing is least successful, and

• history of prior suicide attempts

Counselors should not hesitate to ask whether or not the counselee has been thinking of suicide. Such questions gets the issue into the open and lets the counselee consider it rationally.

Can depression be prevented? The answer is "no, not completely. " We all experience disappointments, losses, rejections and failures which lead to periods of discouragements and unhappiness. For some the depression is more prevalent and long-lasting. It may not be possible or even desirable to prevent times of discouragement, but long-lasting depression are preventable.

There are several ways in which this can be done:

• Trust God

• Expect discouragement

• Learn to handle anger and guilt

• Challenge thinking

• Provide support

• Reach out

• Encourage physical fitness

Van Havner, a preacher hoped that his dying wife would be healed through some miracle. But she died and Havner was plunged into grief. Although he did not understand why this happened, he concluded that God makes no mistakes. Although deeply saddened he never became depressed. He had a realistic perspective on life and death. This is a perspective which can help both counselor and counselee to deal effectively with the problem of depression.

"Whoever thinks he has the ways of God conveniently tabulated, analyzed, and correlated with convenient, glib answers to ease every question from aching hearts has not been far in this maze of mystery we call life and death… He has no stereotyped way of doing what He does. He delivered Peter from prison but left John the Baptist in a dungeon to die.. Have confidence in God.. accept whatever He does, however He does it… He makes no mistakes."

©2002 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.

Most professionals, lay people and families have a natural fear of the disease. Fear and ignorance have kept us away from  aids victims. It  will only take one personal encounter with a real person with  aids to melt a fearful heart. Awakening to aids  has to become a common experience to those who work with and minister to  victims of this dread disease. The fact that people with  aids  are terminally ill make them even more pitiful and in need of love,  care, compassion, and giving,  from   the care-givers who are able  to share with them. One must shed that tough protective coating and replace it with a smooth and tender pure skin of compassion. It is easy for an aids victim to see and feel the  difference. One might have  to take a leap of faith and overcome that fear and hold the hand of an aids victim.  Moving out of fear-filled complacency into this new and awakened relationship with aids victims can only come if and when we have the opportunity to become personally involved with their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. That first leap of faith is often difficult but it is exhilarating and rewarding for the brave and faithful.

Up-to-date scientific information has to replace the inaccuracies aids victims may have been taught. When an aids  victim ask questions, never be afraid to say, “ No one knows.” In dealing with some of these myths one can begin to unfold the entire picture of the aids epidemic.

There are several stories of how the epidemic begin. We know aids has been spread in rampant proportion and we can trace cases back to single individuals who were infected. The more exposure there is to the virus,  the more likely the victim will develop symptoms within the first 2-3 years. That person is also likely to die more quickly.

The question of whether or not aids was created in some government laboratory, is answered this way. It is true that the government has been studying the virus, but there is no evidence that the virus that causes aids or a mutation of that virus was created in a government or any other laboratory. The aids virus is part of a larger group of viruses called the retrovirus group.

Aids is not contacted from giving blood. The sterile needles and bags used to collect the blood have never been exposed to the aids virus or to HIV infected blood. The needles are never reused. 

Aids victims sometimes carry other diseases due to their weaken immune system. This will cause organisms to be more plentiful and exposed. This is one factor in spreading the fear of casual contact.

Many people who have been exposed to aids and have tested HIV positive believe they will not get the full fledged  disease. The truth is if an HIV test is positive, it indicates the person is infected with the aids virus and can infect others,  even though he or she may not have any symptoms for years. Those who have a positive test have both the antibodies to the virus as well as the virus in their system. The exposure, often through some promiscuous behavior results in the disease. There are many questions regarding how the disease can be passed on. Here are some facts:

TRUE – The virus can survive in water for up to two weeks under exceptional circumstances.

TRUE – The alcohol content in communion wine is not enough to damage the virus.

TRUE – The virus can sometimes be found in the saliva of an infected person.

TRUE – The virus particles from one person could be swallowed by another person,  but  the number of virus particles in a sip of wine etc., is likely extremely small and you are extremely unlikely to get an HIV infection.

Some persons have suggested they would rather not know they had the virus. Science is changing very rapidly. It is wise to be tested both for yourself and for the safety of others. Knowing that one is infected might stop any risky behavior.

Emotional symptoms of grieving may merge once one discovers they have aids, resulting  in signs of depression. Crying spells, agitation., lack of sleep and lack of desire to do anything are the most common symptoms of depression. When weeks have passed without signs of resolution and when the vegetative signs of weight loss,  decreased sex drive, inability to concentrate and early morning awakening has been added to the symptoms, we are looking at a more serious depression.

The beginning stage of grief is the reaction phase, where the emotions are striking back at the news of impending doom. There are wide variations within this phase–variations in emotions, in time frame and in the depth of reactions. It is in this acute reaction phase where counseling can bring great comfort. Grief is normal and healthy and it has a natural conclusion of acceptance as well as a spiritual purpose.

James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;  knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

James 5:7-11"Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold the husbandman waithed for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long  patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; establish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold ,  the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren,  the prophets,  who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job,  and have seen the end of the Lord;  that the Lord is very pitiful and of tender mercy."

When counseling a grieving patient one must strive beyond  the point of the patients’ acceptance,  and reach deeper into the inner person, bringing forth spiritual fruit, emotional growth and physical restoration. Give them a safe platform within the ocean as well as a map and supplies  to chart their way to safety. Too often we offer only the lifeboat,  leaving the patient in uncharted waters without a map. Disciple the patient toward acceptance and beyond. When they come to the beach of recovery they will be tattered and torn from their trails, but they will have a new confidence and strength to follow God’s will for the remainder of theirs lives.

Another emotional pit is that of anger and bitterness. Once the patient finds his or her way to the bottom of the emotional pit,  it is a slow process of recovery. Guilt and pain may be displaced toward their infected partner. The lack of forgiveness, of personal responsibility and of purpose for the illness must all be dealt with. This is usually a slow releasing process. At times anger and bitterness will cause more physical symptoms and problems than denial or any psychological defense, because of the high level of stress hormones and autonomic nervous system activity involved.

The emotional impact of aids encompasses everyone in the patient’s support system. There surely  is no other disease so difficult for a spouse or lover to deal with then aids  They often have to deal with three separate and serious issues:  Personal infection with a deadly disease, loss of faithfulness of their sexual partner and grief for the infected person. They are all a tragedy by themselves.

Immediate work by a counselor is important, helping spouses and lovers resolve the initial fear. Suggesting testing as soon as possible, testing resolves the fear of the disease for most and will make the few who are positive face the disease sooner and with more hope.

Infidelity will vary greatly from one relationship to another. The scale of their reaction depends upon their level of love, trust and dependency. A normally jumbled emotion of grief becomes tangled with strong anger aimed at the unfaithful relationship, as well as love for the dying patient. Pursuing the positive aspects, stressing the demonic nature of sin and stressing the forgiveness God has given each of us may give the grieving spouse or lover a more positive picture of their plight. This hopefully will cause their emotional reactions to melt into acceptance of God’s purpose for illness and continual reliance upon Him for growth, comfort and restoration.

Fear of rejection may drive aids patients to wait before telling family members or friends, pushing aside the support they so desperately need. When counseling family members make sure they know about aids–the scientific knowledge of the effects and outcome. Specifics about the aids victim promiscuous behavior can complicate the reconciliation process. However,  it may be helpful in rebuilding trust within the family for the infected member and allow them to talk about how the virus was contracted. The family needs as much information as early as possible to prevent unnecessary emotional stress. This will help to begin a healing process. They must be encouraged to forgive, for the good of the infected person as well as the person doing the forgiving. Aids victims will need loving support as much as they will need medical care. The entire family will need the loving support of the church,  the pastor,  friends and counselors to weather through this.

Ministering to all who are infected with HIV is a huge job whether or not they have symptoms or are ill with the disease or in final stages of life. Each deserves our open and caring attitude without any hints of discrimination or fear. They deserve our support, they merit a society filled with information that does not put them aside, they will need our help as their family becomes more distraught and as they become painfully aware of their spiritual needs before their heavenly Father.

The process of grieving is never fast. Most people are shocked by a sudden illness and react to that situation with denial, anger, and sadness but then move toward accepting the reality of the illness. Acceptance is a twofold process:
First;  one must understand and accept the reality of the illness.
Secondly;  the patient must integrate the reality into their emotions and accept it as unchangeable. 

The spiritual model includes a third step: acceptance of God’s will and purpose as revealed through the situation.  Acceptance brings comfort,  but without the maturity gained by this emotional trial, it is useless.

Christian counseling must differ from the secular, using the analogy of spiritual conversation as our template,  acceptance,  like making the decision for salvation can lead to immediate growth. We are just beginning to help our patient when they see God’s purpose for suffering and God’s will as manifested by aids in their lives. Aids creates a very frightening and insecure time. It also creates a spiritual opportunity to help our patient. When our patients reach the terminal phase in their disease, they will have put aside many of the complicating tasks and relationships that induce emotional pain. Their sole concentration will be on correcting things,  placing in order and letting go. If they are fortunate enough to have put things in order they will have some degree of peace. Once relationships are mended and control over business matters has been exercised the patient  often begins to let go. Acceptance of impending death is much easier when necessary areas have been handled. At this time our counseling should be supportive and positive. In addition, the emotional needs of the family members must be met. In the face of eternity a few extra moments spent in giving spiritual encouragement may have eternal consequences.

The person who has aids will probably want to carry on as usual rather than be dragged down by thinking about the illness all day long. The counselor should be sensitive to the changes in physical needs, moods, and feelings. It is perfectly normal to swing from optimism to pessimism, from day to day plans to the depth of despair,  from acceptance of  the situation to denial. This is just part of the process of adjustment to grief and loss. Often we think grief as an emotion triggered by the death of someone we love but grief is a process of adjustment, triggered by losses of any kind. The losses of someone dying with aids are numerous and often devastating–Loss of Health – Memory – Sight – Physical Comfort – Sleep -Control over ones’ body – Future plans – Ambitions – Hopes and dreams – Friends – Family – Job – Physical attractiveness – Energy – Independence and freedom -Life on earth.

It is no surprise then to find people oscillating between denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance or a mixture of all four. Aids, is a heavy burden to carry. A patient’s hearts cry toward God maybe;  “ Why is this happening to me ?”  “What is God doing?” Questions like this are cries of pain and anguish and needs a listening ear rather than a cliché  reply. The patient may want the counselor to sit and listen while feelings are expressed.  There are no simple answers to human suffering as Job’s friend discovered. Anger can often be directed at others, linked with sadness.  The anger might be directed at the counselor,  it is important NOT to take such rejection personally and continue to offer friendship and support. You also might be on trial, a test of friendship. Is your love immense enough to keep coming back?

• Show you still care

• Maintain  friendship

• Listen

• Open your home for a meal,   a sleep over

• Be ready for a long haul

When we begin to find God’s perspective on this time-space world, then death truly loses its’ sting. Aids  will have lost it power. When our patient ask us if they are going to die, let them sense that we are at peace and not afraid.  Stay with them and don’t run away, share that experience with them. Don’t abandon them,  their hope of a cure has already done that. 

Without faith death is the ultimate enemy. Death is the robber and destroyer. With faith in Christ, death is merely a doorway to eternity. Faith confronts us with an issue: Will I enjoy eternity when I get there? Will eternity with God be heaven or will I find eternity an unpleasant hell?

Finding forgiveness,  inner peace and reconciliation with God through turning to Jesus allows one to look forward to dying. While here on earth, we are just a visitor passing through. There is nothing here which can compare to what is to come. The next life is the true reality; unchangeable! What a blessed hope to be the one to share this with a victim dying with aids.

I really believe that we are a part of a big plan. God really does love these people. It has been said that the aids  epidemic provides a chance for the Christians to say to those suffering of the disease, “When everyone forsakes you, the Christian will not. Brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers may turn their backs  on you , but we who represents the Lord will not reject you.”

We need the person with aids  to minister to us as much, if not more than they need us. To see their faith in the mist of tremendous suffering, especially because of their young age, is wonderful to behold.

A Vietnam veteran, a Christian, who has aids, stated; “ Experiencing physical healing and facing more years of the torment of sexual temptation or dying and being with Jesus. What’s better? In a way, and I know this is going to sound crazy,  I’m thankful for the disease – it has drawn me closer to the Lord. One of his fears was how the church would react. The church has to respond to the call. A few practical steps: Educate the congregation, Provide practical help, Pray with and for the person with aids, Minister compassionately and sensitively, Minister to the family, Develop a church policy statement, Provide care for the caregivers, Define the church’s view of homosexuality. To avoid pain and confusion, those wanting to minister to persons with aids should resolve their theology and philosophy about homosexuality before starting. Ultimately, what does ministry to those with aids require? One Chicago man with aids answers, “A HUG ONCE IN A WHILE WOULD BE NICE.”

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Counseling And Aids; Vol.24; by Gregg, Albers, M.D. General Editor;  Gary R. Collins, Ph.D. Published by ;  Word Publishing;  Dallas – London – Vancouver – Melburn

The Truth About Aids; by Dr. Patrick Dixon Published by; Kingsway Publications Ltd., Lattbridge Drove, Eastbourne, E.,  Sussex,  England,  BN23 6NT

The Aids Crisis;  by Andres Tapia Published by ;  Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove. Illinois  60515

All Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible

©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.

I, myself was a wounded warrior, who went all the way to the bottom, emotionally, physically, and emotionally, and experienced a substantial healing. I have counseled a number of others like myself, and I have found considerable commonality in the suffering, causes, and recovery we shared.

Surviving such seasons of stress can be very difficult indeed. Very little help is available. This has left one confused and discouraged because the aches, pains and ills experienced are very real and truly do hinder ones ability to function adequately.

Burn-out has become a common term in the last decade, common among those who expend themselves in the service of others. This condition actually involves three kinds of damage of which burn-out is only one. Depression and wounding are the other two.

Burn-out happens only to givers, its nature is the exhaustion of the physical and emotional resources that enable the giver to keep giving. The loss of these resources leads to despair, depression, irrational anger and a host of physical problems.

Burn-outs are those who have too little consciousness of – or care for – their own personal needs to do what is necessary to replenish themselves from the intensity of their giving.

Frequently a period of rest will cure burn-out; the same is often not true of depression and wondering.

Depression is an emotional manifestation of the depletion of ones’ physical and emotional resources for dealing with stress and can happen to anyone, giver or not, who faces and inadequately deals with stress over a period of time.

Depression is often the result of ones’ performance orientation. Performance -oriented people have not learned that they are acceptable apart from what they can ever achieve. For the performance – oriented person, the hope of love and the ability to accept oneself always center about meeting the expectations of self or others for behavior or productivity. Unfortunately, this fear motivation for living and achieving exacts a terrible physical and emotional tall. The result can be deep depression until the victim learns that self-acceptance, the love of God and the love of others come by grace and are totally unearned.

Wounding is an emotional condition caused by the hurtful acts of others. Just as the body has finite and exhaustible physical resources through which it copes with life, so our emotions draw upon limited resources in human strength in order to meet and deal with the lumps life serves up for the heart. When those resources are spent, the result is devastation and desperation.

Anyone can suffer emotional wounding but the wounding is especially sever for those who are given by nature or profession.

In order for people to be healed there must be a meeting of persons and any meetings of persons, there is a risking of oneself, a necessary level of vulnerability. Normally, life serves up its hurts, betrayals and abandonments by loved ones at a place that leaves times for recovery and replenishment, but occasionally they come either too quickly or hurt to deeply for the individual to recover from them effectively. The result is wreckage in the form of physical illness, depression, withdrawal, paranoia and fear of emotional risk.

There are significant areas of overlapping and interrelationships between burnout and depression and wounding, both in causes and effects.

In the early stages of wounding, more and more nagging questions arise concerning one’s faith and his personal relationship with God. In this period of time the anointing of the Lord does sustain you in spite of fatigue, but more and more often you run on adrenaline strength, sometimes not knowing the difference between adrenaline rush and the anointing of God. Understanding the difference is a function of wisdom, and wisdom is won only through suffering.

Burn-out begins by shaving such activities as recreation and exercise from ones schedule.

The care of ones physical and ‘temple’ suffers. One might even be convinced that burn-out is a trial of the Lord for crucifying His servants unto new life. In burn-out old patterns are burned away, along with old attitudes and fleshly ways of approaching life and its inhabitants. God has taken you to the Cross and there is no escape until you know you have nothing and He has all, until the flesh is burned away and the Spirit makes you alive. Until that point, all one can do is hold your heart open to the sneering bright light of His presence and endure the pain His purity creates in your flesh and brokenness.

When the Cross has done it’s work, Our Lord restores ALL that you lost it is not yours but His. And you know it more deeply than you ever thought possible. In fact the sufferer has become stress – addicted. He actually subconsciously needs and creates stressful work situations so that the fear, the pressure and the resulting adrenaline production overcome his fatigue. The adrenaline no longer gets him moving like it once did. The rush is gone and sometimes it makes him sick and angry.

In general, physical illness becomes more common. Colds come more frequently and stay longer. Aches and pains proliferate. Sore throats develops several times each year and takes ages to recover from.

Headaches increase and in frequency and intensity. ( Sounds like myself several years ago.) But we serve an awesome God who does restore the years the canker worm has rob us off.

Not only is sleep occasionally difficult, it becomes a labor. The wounded one’s confidence becomes threatened. He feels he is drowning in an empty bucket that isn’t being refilled. Desperation takes root again an again as they go to the well of strength and wisdom to meet the need and find nothing to draw from.

Episodes of withdrawal comes more and more frequently, with heightened intensity and extended duration. One withdraws from family and friends since there is no energy left with which to deal with demands of any kind. In this condition, even offers of love may come as demands that has to be responded to in some way, so that instead of feeling refreshed by the love of those close, they may feel drained by it. People close may add wounding by complaining that they don’t seem as warm as they once did.

Episodes of rage at God becomes common and we now reach a stage of feeling abandoned and betrayed by God. He no longer is seen as a protector. He hasn’t kept His promises and likely never will. One feels God is there for others but seldom for them personally. God has let them down. Because of betrayals by people and God’s delay in fulfilling promises, one may experience episodes of such deep wounding that God may even be seen as a liar, betrayer and promise – breaker. At this stage the wounded one can still hope, but the ability to do so is fading fast. Periods of desperation are common and almost paralyzing.

At the very center of Christian counseling, Is Jesus Christ, The Great Counselor. The Scriptures have much to say concerning counseling people with personal problems and from a scriptural view point.

One can be ministered to at this point if approached at just the right moment and just the right way.

One, although wounded can still spill hurts to another and receive ministry. More than anything the need of simply listening with a sympathetic ear.

It’s not necessary to give a solution or advice, this could lead to rage or deeper withdrawal. What is needed is a safe place to dump the pain until strength is recovered.

Intercede in prayer for a wounded person mostly at a distance where they don’t have to respond, but they will feel it. Tell them you are praying. It is not necessary to say what you are specifically asking God to do, they might take it as pressure to make the prayer to happen.

If the Lord gives you a specific scripture or prophecy, send it or give it in written form.

It will feed hope, don’t confront them face to face, leave them free to read it and respond in privacy where one isn’t responsible to anyone for their actions.

Take up the sword on their behalf. Do warfare , stand in the gap if need be. A stage of wounding, we will call it incapacity is very misunderstood. One must look at the root causes of wounding and then facilitate recovery, this is done through forgiveness. A deep wounded person cannot initiate or sustain his own recovery.

The New Testament has much to say about counseling, Nouthetic Counseling. The word nouthetic and noutheteo are the nouns and verbs forms in the New Testament from which the term nouthetic comes. The New Testament assumes that all Christians should engage in counseling.

Paul urged:

• Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  Colossians 3:16

Here we are confronting one another nouthetically. According to Paul we as Christians are to teach and confront one another in a nouthetic fashion. Note

• My brothers and sisters, I am sure that you are full of goodness. I know that you have all the knowledge you need and that you are able to teach each other.  Romans 15:14;

Paul expected this to be a part of daily living because the Christian in Rome were filled with knowledge and goodness, this equipped them to confront each other nouthetically. Paul saw this as a vital part of his own ministry and shows this in fact when he declared in:

• So we continue to preach Christ to each person, using all wisdom to warn and to teach everyone, in order to bring each one into God’s presence as a mature person in Christ.  Colossians 1:28

Although preaching was a part of Paul’s nouthetic activity, he was also engaged in nouthetic confrontation of individuals. He confronted people day by day. The fullest account of Paul’s private nouthetic activity occurs in his farewell address to the Ephesian elder in Acts. He ministered to the Ephesian congregation for 3 years. We find him saying: " Be on the alert, remembering that night and day for a period of three years. I did not cease to confront each one nouthetically with tears."

Paul not only preached in the market places, but dealt with people individually as well, and families and he confronted them nouthetically. He desired that they may be presented to Christ mature and complete.

Three Concepts of Nouthetic Counseling

1. The Word used frequently.

2. Problems are solved by verbal means by use of The Word.

3. A purpose or motive behind nouthetic activity.

Paul wrote: All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is useful for teaching for reproving, for convicting, for training in righteousness, it primary purpose has often been overlooked. Paul’s concern was to discuss not only inspiration but primarily the purpose of the scriptures. He argued that because they were God breathed, the scriptures were and are useful for nauthetic purpose. In Acts 20, Paul comments about nouthetic counseling with tears. Paul lived in a society that encouraged people to express their emotions freely. Until very recently did our culture consider free emotions not taboo. Whether this shifting is good or bad doesn’t really matter, yet Paul’s emotions reveals one fact, he became deeply involved in people’s problems. Tears show a total involvement.

• You are very patient with anyone who comes to you and preaches a different Jesus from the one we preached. You are very willing to accept a spirit or gospel that is different from the Spirit and Good News you received from us.  2 Corinthians 11:4

However one should not become too deeply involved with the counselee. Even though he may feel strongly empathetic inside , he should not respond in anyway which might reveal his true feelings. Never appear shocked, always maintain a neutral – non judgmental posture regardless of whether what the person you are counseling reveals something that is good or bad. He should never express his own feelings or viewpoint on the subject. What are the goals of nouthetic counseling? Paul says:

• The purpose of this command is for people to have love, a love that comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a true faith.  1 Timothy 1:5

The goal of our authoritative instruction is love. The purpose of preaching and counseling is to foster the love toward God and love toward others, which God commands. Jesus summed up the keeping of the whole law as love.

Since the fact is, it has been impossible for natural man to keep his heart pure. All are born with a sinful nature and love depends upon all of man’s qualities. The overarching purpose of preaching and counseling is God’s glory.

BUT, the underneath side of that rainbow is love, fulfilling God’s commandments. Love, is a responsible relationship conditioned upon responsibility, that is responsible observance of the commandments of God. The work of preaching and counseling, when blessed by the Holy Spirit, enables man through the Gospel and God’s sanctifying Word to become pure in heart, and to have peaceful consciences and to trust God sincerely. Thus the goal of nouthetic counseling is set forth plainly in The Word, to bring man into a loving conformity to the law of God. Love will blossom as counselors focus their attention upon purification of the heart, the clearing of the conscience and the building of genuine trust.

Nouthetic Counseling rests upon the dynamics of redemption and reflects these facts at every point. Therefore, its power stems from the fact that nouthetic confrontation necessarily utilizes the full authority of God.

There are times that nouthetic counseling will fail, this may often be complex and therefore difficult to analyze. The counselor may fail to do his job adequately, when this takes place the question must be asked; "Who failed?" the counselor or the counselee ? The nouthetic counselor must recognize that failure may not be their fault. The counselee might interpret a failure as a success. They even want to settle for something less than a total reorientation of their lives. The counselee often is willing to seek help in solving the incapacitating or performance problem rather than digging down and rooting out the preconditioning problem, of which the performance problem was but one instance.

We know that sin leads to guilt and depression, sinful handling of sin further complicates matters and leads to greater guilt and deeper depression, ad infinitum, in a downward cycling process in which depression certainly contributes to further failures as it often becomes the excuse for a faulty handling of the sin itself.

God reverses the order, He declares, "Do right." And there will be a lifting up of your face.

Beyond the basic sinful nature itself, three levels of complexity may be distinguished and for convenience might be called:

1. Presentation Problems eg. " I’m depressed" – Often presented as a cause when really is an effect

2. Performance Problems – " I haven’t been much of a wife." Presented as an effect when really is a cause.

3. Preconditioning Problems- " I avoid responsibilities whenever the going gets tough."

These are often presented as an effect when really they are the underlying cause, habitual response pattern, of which the performance problem is but one instance: the preconditioning problem generally doesn’t come fully into focus until its relationship to the first two has been understood.

Such premature termination of counseling must be considered failures, even if counselors do not think so. Failure has to be looked at from various points of view. Failure is a recognized part of counseling and every counselor who works with others will fail.

When nouthetic counseling fails one of the reasons could be: the counselor sometimes become too sympathetic to the counselee.

Counselors are responsible for their behavior, know the difference between sympathy and empathy. They also fail by coming to conclusions too little of a story or only one side of the story and jumping to conclusions. When counselors fail to dig down to the underlying patterns and only handle performance problems, they also fail. Counselors may fail by becoming too involved emotionally. When this happens, counselors have been caught by the same snare as their counselee, who are so emotionally involved in their problems that they no longer think straight but instead allow feelings to govern actions.

Counselors always face the temptations to become overbearing in the use of authority, using authority for its own sake, or failing to keep God’s authority and one’s own opinions discrete. When this happens the nouthetic elements of concern for the counselees’ welfare disappears.

It is important for counselors to examine their own lives and their counseling practices in the light of every failure they detect in others. Counselees become strong reminders of human error and sin and in that sense, are among the counselors most valuable teachers.

Solving Problems Nouthetically

Man’s Basic Problem

The world has about 230 psychological schools of thought dealing with the study of man, his behavior and the ethical and moral standards required for man to solve personal problems. These schools are reduced for easier assessment to five basic modalities, s follows;

1. Man’ is good:

Humanism – independence from God – new age – has everything necessary within to solve own problems; mind merely blocked by negative thinking or influences, develop positive thinking and draw from one’s own resources, see self as worthwhile and esteemed, the self becomes a god.

What does God say? 

• The least of people are only a breath, and even the greatest are just a lie.  On the scales, they weigh nothing; together they are only a breath.  Psalm 62:9

• As the Scriptures say: "There is no one who always does what is right, not even one. There is no one who understands.  There is no one who looks to God for help.  All have turned away.  Together, everyone has become useless.  There is no one who does anything good;  there is not even one." Psalm 14:1-3

• "Their throats are like open graves;  they use their tongues for telling lies." Psalm 5:9

• "Their words are like snake poison." Psalm 140:3

• "Their mouths are full of cursing and hate." Psalm 10:7

• "They are always ready to kill people.  Everywhere they go they cause ruin and misery.  They don’t know how to live in peace." Isaiah 59:7-8

• "They have no fear of God." Psalm 36:1

• "All have sinned and are not good enough for God’s glory"  Romans 3:23

• "Yes, I know that nothing good lives in me-I mean nothing good lives in the part of me that is earthly and sinful. I want to do the things that are good, but I do not do them."  Romans 7:18

2. Man is a Superior animal

Basic view of man is that his behavior is conditioned or programmed, wrongly influenced by environment and circumstances, needs to be reconditioned or reprogrammed by manipulation of behavior thru the use of positive and negative stimuli, trained to respond to reward and punishment in order to improves self.

What Does God Say?

• Remain in me, and I will remain in you. A branch cannot produce fruit alone but must remain in the vine. In the same way, you cannot produce fruit alone but must remain in me. "I am the vine, and you are the branches. If any remain in me and I remain in them, they produce much fruit. But without me they can do nothing.  John 15:4-5

• God’s anger is shown from heaven against all the evil and wrong things people do. By their own evil lives they hide the truth.  God shows his anger because some knowledge of him has been made clear to them. Yes, God has shown himself to them.  There are things about him that people cannot see-his eternal power and all the things that make him God. But since the beginning of the world those things have been easy to understand by what God has made. So people have no excuse for the bad things they do.  They knew God, but they did not give glory to God or thank him. Their thinking became useless. Their foolish minds were filled with darkness.22 They said they were wise, but they became fools.  They traded the glory of God who lives forever for the worship of idols made to look like earthly people, birds, animals, and snakes.  Because they did these things, God left them and let them go their sinful way, wanting only to do evil. As a result, they became full of sexual sin, using their bodies wrongly with each other.25 They traded the truth of God for a lie. They worshipped and served what had been created instead of the God who created those things, who should be praised forever. Amen.  Because people did those things, God left them and let them do the shameful things they wanted to do. Women stopped having natural sex and started having sex with other women.  In the same way, men stopped having natural sex and began wanting each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and in their bodies they received the punishment for those wrongs.  People did not think it was important to have a true knowledge of God. So God left them and allowed them to have their own worthless thinking and to do things they should not do.29 They are filled with every kind of sin, evil, selfishness, and hatred. They are full of jealousy, murder, fighting, lying, and thinking the worst about each other. They gossip30 and say evil things about each other. They hate God. They are rude and conceited and brag about themselves. They invent ways of doing evil. They do not obey their parents.  They are foolish, they do not keep their promises, and they show no kindness or mercy to others.32 They know God’s law says that those who live like this should die. But they themselves not only continue to do these evil things, they applaud others who do them.  Romans 1:18-32

• Don’t be too proud in the Lord’s presence, and he will make you great.  James 4:10

Lets lay out some of the significant characteristics of Genuine Biblical Counseling:

1. Genuine Biblical Counseling derives its understanding of God and man from the Scriptures. We must base our practice upon the inspiration, infallibility and absolute sufficiency of the Word of God. It is a fatal error to say that The Bible is sufficient for Salvation, but that we need psychological solutions for sanctification.

2. Genuine Biblical Counseling has a high view of the sovereignty and power of God. Psychotherapy thrives because Christians have allowed a weak view of God to infiltrate the church. Jesus addressed this very problem in Matthew 22:29 To suggest that God can get us to heaven, but in the meantime, He is powerless to transform our lives and heal our minds borders on blasphemy.

• Jesus answered, "You don’t understand, because you don’t know what the Scriptures say, and you don’t know about the power of God"  Matthew 22:29

3. GENUINE biblical Counseling is loving and gentle in the application of the Scriptures. There is a false and negative stereotype that exists towards genuine Biblical counselors – that all we do is look for a sin and pounce on it harshly. The Bible says:

• Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin, too.   Galatians 6:1

4. Genuine Biblical Counseling is focused on truth. Biblical counselors want to arrive at a true understanding of God and how He works in our lives. We want to know the truth about the person we are counseling and to help him acknowledge and respond to the truth. We will not focus on dreams, subjective feelings and hazy memories unless they can be tested for accuracy and verified. Repressed memories, unconscious motivations and denial of personal responsibility are not part of genuine Biblical Counseling. While we acknowledge that we can learn from general observation of human behavior and the physical world, we must never elevate "general revelation" to an equal standing with Scripture. It cannot guide our counseling philosophy or our basic understanding of the heart of man. The phrase "all truth is God’s truth" may be philosophically correct, but it does not answer the vital question, how do we know what is true? We should be cautious in accepting counsel from anyone who defends his practice with "all truth is God’s truth."

5. Genuine Biblical Counseling is based on solid Biblical study. A sound systematic theology and Biblical method of interpretation is essential for the genuine counselor. There is no substitute for the counselor having an in-depth knowledge of the Scriptures and how to apply them to the problems of daily living.

6. Genuine Biblical Counseling is dependent upon the work of The Holy Spirit. Biblical counselors realize that we cannot read the hearts of those we counsel. Only God is able to understand the deepest thoughts, motives, confusion and sins of the counselee. A Biblical counselor does nor rely upon his own "expertise" or credentials to delve into the "subconscious" regions of the mind. Rather, he relies upon the truths of the Scripture as the Holy Spirit convicts with power.

• When the Helper comes, he will prove to the people of the world the truth about sin, about being right with God, and about judgment.  John 16:8

• When the people heard this, they felt guilty and asked Peter and the other apostles, "What shall we do?"  Acts 2:37

7. Genuine Biblical Counseling leads toward repentance and restoration. The ultimate goal of the Biblical Counselor is not to merely help his counselee to feel better temporarily. God is not so concerned with our relief from pain as He is with the molding of our character toward Christlikeness. To relieve guilt without dealing with the issues of the rebellious heart is a disservice to a fellow believer. Paul writes to the church at Corinth:

• Even if my letter made you sad, I am not sorry I wrote it. At first I was sorry, because it made you sad, but you were sad only for a short time.  Now I am happy, not because you were made sad, but because your sorrow made you change your lives. You became sad in the way God wanted you to, so you were not hurt by us in any way.  The kind of sorrow God wants makes people change their hearts and lives. This leads to salvation, and you cannot be sorry for that. But the kind of sorrow the world has brings death.  2 Corinthians 7:8-10

8. The ultimate goal of Genuine Biblical Counseling is spiritual maturity. Paul writes in Ephesians 4 about this goal:

• Christ gave those gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger. This work must continue until we are all joined together in the same faith and in the same knowledge of the Son of God. We must become like a mature person, growing until we become like Christ and have his perfection.  Ephesians 4:12-13

9. Genuine Biblical Counseling is not dependent upon degrees, certification or licensing. Romans 15:14 says:

• My brothers and sisters, I am sure that you are full of goodness. I know that you have all the knowledge you need and that you are able to teach each other.  Romans 15:14

10. Biblical counselors realize that there are only a few essential qualifications for a competent Counselor; one must have

    1. an extensive knowledge of the Scripture: a good measure of divine wisdom (experience and common sense under the illumination of the Holy Spirit)

• Let the teaching of Christ live in you richly. Use all wisdom to teach and instruct each other by singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  Colossians 3:16

• Goodness, consistent , righteous lifestyle with a humble attitude. 1 Peter 5:5

• In the same way, younger people should be willing to be under older people. And all of you should be very humble with each other.

• "God is against the proud,  but he gives grace to the humble."   Proverbs 3:34

2. An ability to relate to others:

• When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.  Colossians 4:6

3. An ability to communicate:

•  Speak the truth so that you cannot be criticized. Then those who are against you will be ashamed because there is nothing bad to say about us.  Titus 2:8

4. A genuine desire to help others.

• We ask you, brothers and sisters, to warn those who do not work. Encourage the people who are afraid. Help those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.  1 Thessalonians 5:14

11. Secular licensing does not insure competence or effectiveness in a counselor. On the contrary, training that leads to secular certification is likely to impair one’s effectiveness in the counseling ministry. A Biblical counselor will never allow him/her self to be intimidated by secular "experts" or their degrees. Paul writes,

• The teaching about the cross is foolishness to those who are being lost, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.19 It is written in the Scriptures:  1 Corinthians 1:18-19

• "I will cause the wise men to lose their wisdom;  I will make the wise men unable to understand." Isaiah 29:14

12. Genuine Biblical Counseling is church-based. It is not profit-motivated and is under the authority of and accountable to a local body of believers and the pastor and elders. The professional clinical counseling setting has no biblical basis and little accountability. 

    Giving hope is a continuous process regardless of the status of the counselee. To those who don’t know the Lord, convey to them that we are not the source of their hope, but that Scripture is our hope and authority. The Word of God is living and active, and separates the soul from the spirit, and it is the Word that does the healing. The Word of God is our convictor, and changer. It sets us right on the narrow road to life and joy. It takes practice to live God’s way. God knows where we hurt and all we need to do is go to Him. We are delivered from the power of sin and are free to choose to live God’s way.  One can change dramatically and quickly, not waiting years. God promises victory in any temptation and trial. But we must do the changing. God will not do it for us.

• I say this because I know what I am planning for you," says the LORD. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future. Then you will call my name. You will come to me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will search for me. And when you search for me with all your heart, you will find me! I will let you find me," says the LORD. "And I will bring you back from your captivity. I forced you to leave this place, but I will gather you from all the nations, from the places I have sent you as captives," says the LORD. "And I will bring you back to this place."  Jeremiah 29:11-14

• Even in the middle of exile, depression, despair we have this hope, call upon the Lord and He will find us. He has specific plans for each one of us, for our welfare not calamity.  Philippians 2:12

• My dear friends, you have always obeyed God when I was with you. It is even more important that you obey now while I am away from you. Keep on working to complete your salvation with fear and trembling,  because God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him.  Then you will be innocent and without any wrong. You will be God’s children without fault. But you are living with crooked and mean people all around you, among whom you shine like stars in the dark world.  Philippians 2:13-15 

BIBLIGROPHY:

• Competent To Counsel : by Jay E. Adams Copyright 1970
• The Inspirational Bible New Century Version) Copyright 1995
• Biblical Counseling Associates: Copyright 1999

©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.

Dedicated to ‘Jamie’ a beautiful teen who lost his life to suicide. Jamie was loved by all who knew him, but we failed to hear his cries for help.Let’s vow never to let this happen to our children ever again.
 
INTRODUCTION
If there is no sense of the hope of one day escaping trauma we are presently experiencing, we lose our desire for life.

A story is told of a prisoner of war. His captors told him he would be released someday if he set an example of co-operation for other prisoners. He drove himself to please his captors in hope that he would be released soon.

Because of all his hard work, he became physically strong. Then one day, after maintaining a positive attitude for so long, it became obvious to him that he was being misled. His captors had no intention of releasing him. This discovery took the life out of him. He resorted to just lying in bed and sucking his thumb. Soon he died. How could one so driven lose all his drive in an instant? He was driven by his hope of being released. When that was taken from him, his will to fight was gone.

Victims hope to overcome the impact of hurts in their lives, but in their day-to-day struggle for survival they give up the quest of one day overcoming its hold on their lives. When they give up that hope, they do so in many different ways.

Some cover up the hopeless victim inside. Some become despondent and live a life of total despair. They are alive but they don’t really care for themselves. Others resort to suicide because they have lost all hope of overcoming the emotional impact of abuse or any other trauma.

God desires truth in our hearts. Only as we see abuse from a Biblical perspective can we hope to overcome its impact on our lives. There are even people in their sixties who remain affected by traumatic childhood experiences. Is there hope?

STORIES FROM YOUTH (Told In Their own words)

Beaten Up For Booze
We can try everything we can possibly do, but it’ll never stop. We see them everywhere. We try to help by giving them a home, a job, a buck or two, we even give them advice, but we all know that it will always be the same. It’s like a virus that will never end. It’s just the sensation of it, to be free of problems and reality, but after two hours or so, you’ll be back to the real world with more problems that will build up. You’ll feel good for a while, that’s all. We all need to let the wild demon inside us free at times; it doesn’t need to be through alcohol and drugs. We see many bad things happen when alcohol is around. Every weekend there’s always somebody beaten up for booze. So why can’t anyone stop or even try to stop it. I wish alcohol and drugs were never found or made.

I’m Scared I Might Lose My Friends
I think people have problems with alcohol, drugs and gambling. Some people drink or do drugs just to get rid of their problems. Sometimes I think that the problem is with booze. Some teens drink and do drugs, to have fun cause it’s too boring around here. There are no activities happening for the youth. I think families should spend more time with each other and try to have an alcohol and drug free home. Let’s all help to make this town a better place before it’s too late. I’m scared I might lose my friends to the booze or drugs and I don’t want that to happen.

WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN

What should you, and we as children, do to stop this? We could always have an AA meeting and have a place like an outreach place that people could turn to, talk to someone and sleep if they are scared or in danger. But our people can’t run it. One more thing that I’ve learned is that people around here like to spread news and talk about one another.

That’s like, so very sick! I’m 15 years of age and as a girl I’ve learned more in one year on the streets than a parent could teach in a lifetime. Drugs, where to get them, smoke, the same with alcohol. Even if I write this, nothing would change if it hasn’t for the past 15 years that I’ve been here. I’m just writing this so you could know and maybe think about it. I hope so. I also know another girl that went through the same thing and is also the same age as me, only 15! 15 man! And she doesn’t know about it but she found out and hasn’t told anyone. Why? Because she was scared of what was going to happen to her. Why do these things happen? I ask myself and wonder why people hate one another? I thought they were supposed to be a family living in a small town, but we’re not. At times I even ask if there really is a God. All of my hopes and dreams, I thought were in God’s hands. But now I realize that it’s in my hands and my people’s hands. And for God, He is there to help us achieve that and to let us know we’ve got everything we need. As for ourselves, we’ve got to change ourselves, not just for ourselves but also for others as well. I know why they do that —-, to kill the pain, to take care of what’s hurting them so bad. I feel scared to write all this but I know what I write is in good hands.

Dear World;
I don’t want to get my hair cut.  I don’t want to see Tina at school on Monday. I don’t want to do my Biology assignment or English or History or anything. I don’t want to be sad or lonely or depressed anymore. I don’t want to talk, sleep, move, feel, live or breathe anymore. Tina, it’s not your fault. I’m not free. I feel ill, I’m sad. I’m lonely. One last request, all my worldly possessions go to Debbie as a wedding present.

Dear ________;
I am sorry for what I have done but Robert and Mom made me think, will you, Mom still have wanted us to be friends? I don’t know. Tell Missy I love her; I hope she can pass science. Make sure you never be as dumb as I’ve been. Make friends and don’t let them play that tape before my funeral.
Mom, Don’t go downstairs, I’ve killed myself.
– Joe

Dear Mom & Robert;
I’m sorry for what I put you through. I am empty. I just can’t face my friends. I want the entire 9th grade invited to my funeral. And at the funeral, not before play this tape. Please don’t play it before, if you love me. Also, have Tommy fly down if at all possible. Love you, I’m scared!
– Joe

Let’s examine the subject of suicide. We’ll take a look at the causes, the misconceptions, the warning signs, and we will zero in on specific courses of action to help people who may be contemplating suicide.

Dear________
As I write this letter I am thinking about suicide. I can’t get things together anymore. I’ve tried everything, but it just won’t help anymore. You came to my school and spoke, so I’m turning to you as my last hope. I don’t want to die, but I don’t think hell could be any worse than what I’m going through now. My parents don’t realize what is happening to me because they don’t care enough to look. I thought drugs would be my way out, but really it’s just been the path to more problems. My best friend is a two-liter bottle of coolers that I buy every Friday. Through the week I get high before school or take the chance of my brother walking in while I’m downing some Canadian mist. I know I’m at a dead end. I’m scared ______ Please help me;
– Mary

Each letter or story is unique in style and substance. Whether neatly typed on fine stationery or scribbled on notebook paper, most say essentially the same thing. I’d rather die than live like I’m living. There is no way out.

The horrible truth is that suicide is North America’s second greatest teenager killer! According to the National Institute of Mental Health, eighteen teenagers per day kill themselves.

Every eighty minutes another teenager takes the suicidal plunge. What a nightmare it is to realize over a hundred teenagers per week kill themselves in our country. In a year’s time, the total comes to a staggering 6,500 lives lost. Multiply that amount by the people directly affected by suicides, parents, family members, friends, classmates and the actual dimension of the tragedy is even more overwhelming.

Those left behind are perplexed and saddened, left only with the burning question, Why?

Reliable sources now say that over a thousand teenagers try unsuccessfully to kill themselves every day.

Almost one teen per minute tried to commit suicide, desiring to extinguish a hurt-filled life. Many of the attempts, of course, are not intended to be lethal; they are cries for help, pleas for attention. But even in such cases, thousands of teens every year permanently maim themselves in botched attempts.

Dear_______
My name is Terri. I have seen you two times in the last couple of years. I’m writing you for a very good reason and I’m sure you would relate to it well. Monday evening about 6:30 pm my boyfriend of five years shot himself in the head with a shotgun. Blood tests showed a toxic amount of barbiturates in his system and also pot. I have noticed a difference in him, especially in the last six months. His family situation is very, very unstable.
On Monday, Troy went for help on his own. Two main-advertised drug and rehabilitation centers turned him away. Therefore he thought he was rejected and did what he did. Troy is going to need a lot of extended plastic surgery. His whole mandible bone has to be replaced. He has only two teeth left and he has no nose. Here is a picture and the darkened area is what is missing.
He has the chin part and bottom lip. He doesn’t have but half of his tongue. When he first went into the emergency room they said he probably wouldn’t be able to see again or talk. He is trying to say yes or no very hard. He is beginning to open his eyes a little. We had asked Troy if he wants to live and he shakes his head yes. Respond back to me as soon as you can.
– Terri

However one measures the statistics, the fact remains, that young people are killing themselves. Some drastic action is called for to deal with this serious problem. The clock is ticking away right now for thousands. Many experts believe the problem is much more severe than the official statistics reveal. It is known that many coroners will not rule a death suicidal if there is no suicide note. Yet only a small percentage of suicidal people leave anything in writing. On many death certificates suicide is disguised, sometimes intentionally, to protect insurance benefits or to shield a family from embarrassment. After all, in our society, a stigma clings to suicide.

One official government reports states; Suicide statistics based on death certificates probably understate the true number of suicides for several reasons:

Inadequate information on which to make a determination of suicide as the cause of death.

Certificate error or bias.

Lack of awareness of a suicide because a body was never recovered, example: drowning after jumping from a bridge.

So, the analysts aren’t satisfied. Suicide is an epidemic among teenage youth. In one of the U.S. States eighteen teenagers killed themselves between January 1985 – June 1986. Eighteen deaths in eighteen months. If we look at the problem in broader scope there are two interesting facts to observe. The majority of teenage suicides in the United States, almost 90% are white middle – upper class youth. From 1950 – 1980, there was a 278% increase in teen suicides, moving from the fifth to second cause of death. When you consider all ages the preventable act of suicide is clearly seen as an acute epidemic. .

Charles Dickens’ assessment of the period of the French Revolution is an apt description of the teen-age years: “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times” This season of life is filled with turmoil and change.”  One moment, the teen is euphoric, the next despairing. He hates his body but gives it undue attention. Though no one else seems to know anything, he is expected to figure things out. Dating brings major feelings of insecurity and excitement. Sexual curiosity has to be restrain ed. He’s learning new social roles, developing new relationships, making decisions about his future and trying to adjust to physical changes in his appearance.

Sadly, depression and suicide can be a teen’s response to the “worst of times.” Signs that a teen is on this path include sleeping more than usual, not sleeping well, feeling habitually tired, voluntarily isolating themselves from friends and family, experiencing appetite changes, restlessness or conversation problems. Losing interest in activities; having sudden mood changes; and feeling hopeless and guilty or as if life isn’t worth living. When a teen is depressed, they may think about suicide. Teen suicide rate has increased 300 percent since the 1960’s. Greater access to guns and pills, the pressures of modern life, competition for good grades and college entrance, and violence in the media are contributing factors. In addition, lack of parental interest, broken households and limited family time help create a feeling of loneliness and rejection for many teens. When asked about their families, suicidal teens almost always say, “My family does not understand me.” Those who have tried to tell their parents about their unhappiness or feelings of failure often report being ignored or denied. Depressed teens are at risk when they are having relational problems, whether with same-sex or opposite-sex friends. Rejection and humiliation also can bring suicidal thoughts. If you notice a tendency to withdraw, a plunge in performance at school or a dramatic change in personality, you should take note.

Teens who talk about suicide should be taken seriously. Four out of five suicides are preceded by threats. Suicidal teens also tend to write about death, give away personal and meaningful items, and have psychosomatic complaints. The good news is, suicide is preventable.

Talk about it. It is not true that talking about suicide makes a person take his life. The opposite is true. Ask your teen if he has a specific plan to kill himself. If he does, get help.

Don’t ever promise to keep his suicidal feelings a secret. Telling you is the first step to getting help.

Tell your teen there is always a way out of any problem. He may not see the answer, but assure him that one exists.

Don’t lecture; listen. Find out what’s troubling the teen, and remove any possible way for him to hurt himself.

Begin to speak the Word of God. Take authority over the deceptive spirit that wants to destroy the life of your teen.

Pray and intercede. Tell the teen about Jesus. If he already knows Him, tell him to renew his mind daily through the Word of God. Teach your teen how to take authority in the Spirit. Do it and model it.

Reassure the teen that you love him. Tell him it’s unconditional and nothing he does will stop you from loving him.

Treat the depression that accompanies suicidal thoughts. Get help from godly counselor who can work with the family to eliminate the underlying depression.

Be Direct. Ending life doesn’t solve problems. Suicide hurts people who are alive.

Give hope. We have the answer, the hope of Christ in us. Share that hope. Telling the teen he doesn’t have to feel it, just believe it. The overall strategy is to address the underlying problem(s), fill the teen with the Word of God, take authority over the enemy and teach the teen to renew his mind. The end result will be a choice for life over death.

HUGS
It’s wonderful what a hug can do
A hug can cheer you when you’re blue
A hug can say, “I love you so”
Or “Gee, I hate to see you go.”
A hug is “Welcome back again!”
“Great to see you!” or “Where’ve you been?”
A hug can smooth a small child’s pain
And bring a rainbow after rain.
The hug! There’s just no doubt about it,
We scarcely could survive without it,
A hug delights a warms and charms,
It must be why God gave us arms
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,
Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers,
And chances are some favorite aunts.
Love them more than potted plants,
Kittens crave them, puppies love them.
Heads of states are not above them
A hug can break the language barrier
And make the dullest day seem merrier.
No need to fret about the store of them
The more you give, the more there are of them
So, stretch those arms without delay,
And give someone a hug today. -unknown
It has been reported by the national Center for Health Statistics, for the age groups fifteen to nineteen per 100,000 people, 15.1 white males commit suicide compared with 3.5 black males, and 6.5 white females commit suicide compared with 1.7 black females.

There seems to be a seasonal trend with more suicide occurring during March to May, than any other months of the year. Interestingly this is immediately before high school graduation.

The suicide menace has even been documented in the almost unbelievable preteen suicide category. There are reports of young people three years to eleven years of age who have committed suicide or made a serious attempt.

Disturbingly the teen suicide rate has risen an astonishing 200% in the last forty years. Today suicide is the third leading cause of death among fifteen to twenty-four years’ olds, after auto accidents and homicide.

In recent survey of high school students conducted by the American Association For Pediatrics, 60% said they had thought about killing themselves and nine percent said they had tried at least once.

“The teen years are characterized by extreme stress, confusion, self-doubt and pressure to succeed.” Says suicide counselor Dr. Thomas Barton. “These issues are frequently compounded by divorce, substance abuse, major relocation and a number of indiscernible factors relating to the stress of modern life.

Many teens who have a difficult time coping with the changes that accompany growing up see suicide as a way out.”

It is worth noting that teen suicide rates are twice as high among white males as among male minorities or females, and firearms are far and above the most common weapon of choice. “Everyone exhibits regular mood swings, but if a teen’s melancholy disposition lingers for more than two weeks, serious depression could be setting in,” says Dr. Barton.

If there is cause for concern, parents should monitor their child’s mood swings and talk to them frankly if they feel concerned.

Yes, Teenagers are troubled and looking for help. A spokesman for a mental health facility devoted to teen suicide crisis intervention said; “The unit’s 18 adolescent beds are always filled and a waiting list continually holds the names of those waiting for space.”

“What we are seeing now is an epidemic of suicide communication,” says psychologist Michael Peck. “It is a way of saying, someone help me.” Youth are desperate, unhappy, confused and compulsive. They can’t think of any other way out.

Teen suicide is the nightmare of parents. When a teenager threatens to take his or her life or succeeds, parents agonize over what went wrong! Friends wish they had said something sooner or taken suicide talk more seriously. Teachers and other caring adults worry that other teens will follow suite. When a teenager looses a friend to suicide, they themselves become at risk for the same act. Sixteen teens commit suicide everyday. These teens are not just statistics; they were depressed, confused young men and women who didn’t know how or where to get help. Many people have suicidal thoughts at some time during their lives. This is normal, as long as those thoughts don’t linger. A person with suicidal thoughts will exhibit one or more warning signs.

Many teens that are considering suicide suffer from depression. People who are depressed and thinking about suicide often show changes in their behavior that are usually an out growth of depression and are warning signs.

WARNING SIGNS

Noticeable changes in eating or sleeping habits

Unexplained or unusually severe, violent or rebellious behavior

Withdrawal from family or friends

Running away

Persistent boredom or difficulty concentrating

Drug or alcohol abuse

Unexplained drop in the quality of schoolwork

Unusual neglect of appearance

Drastic personality changes

Complaints of physical problems that are not real

A focus on themes of death

Giving away prized possessions

Talking about suicide or making plans, even jokingly

Writing or revising a will

Recognition of Suicide State

Self – criticism

Tension

Apathy

Feelings of guilt

Sense of hopelessness

Social withdrawal and isolation

Feeling of failure

Being a burden to others

Preoccupation with unpleasant thoughts (death & dying)

Ideas of self- punishment

Despondency or euphoria

Numb feeling with little or no pleasure from ordinary enjoyable activities and people.

Lack of investment in the future and absence of future goal orientation.

Exaggerated fears of cancer or other physical impairment.

Suuicidal Behavior

Previous suicide attempts, mini-attempts

Explicit statements of suicidal ideation or feelings.

Self-inflicted injuries, such as cuts, burns, or head banging.

Reckless behavior. (Beside suicide, other leading causes of death among young people are homicide, accidents, drug overdose and AIDS)

Inappropriately saying goodbye.

Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect. (I’m going away on a real long trip. You won’t have to worry about me anymore. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I’m so depressed, I just can’t go on.)

Does God punish suicides? Voices are telling me to do bad things.

The majority of the population at any one time does not have many of the warning signs and has a lower suicide risk rate. But a lower rate in a larger population is still a lot of people, and many completed suicides has only a few of the conditions listed above. In a one person to another situation, all indications of suicide need to be taken seriously.

There are a number of things a parent can do if they believe their child is considering suicide. Aside from seeking immediate counseling, parents should remove all dangerous weapons from the household, including knives, sleeping pills, ropes, and especially guns.

When dealing with a potential suicide victim, experts unanimously agree that good and immediate communication is essential. According to one study, 90% of suicidal teens expressed that no one in their family understood them or listened to their cries for help, so it is important that parents take time to listen and help their child understand that life is not as bad as it sometimes appears.

Depressed teens frequently communicate their despair before they act out in this final act of depression. They tend to reflect their daphnia with action rather than words.

A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and spent much of his time exploring the seashore. One day he learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand. The day of the tide he went down to the beach and began picking up stranded starfish and tossing them back into the sea. An elderly man who lives next door came down to the beach to see what the boy was doing. “I’m saving the starfish,” the boy proudly declared. When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish, he shook his head and said, “ I’m sorry to disappoint you young man, but if you look down the beach one way, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look down the beach the other way, it’s the same. One little boy like you isn’t going to make much of a difference.” The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up a starfish, tossed it out into the ocean and said, " I sure made a difference for that one.”

Common motivational factors that play into teen suicide are self-punishment and disciplinary abandonment. In both cases emotional pain and resultant anger are clear contributors.

The young suicide victim may have felt such an intense need for self-punishment that this self-inflicted murder appears to be the only recourse. For the individual who feels the pain of chronicemotional abandonment by his or her parents the act of suicide may be the only way the teen knows to convey his or her pain. This act of self-inflicted aggression, aimed at the parents truly makes a family affair.

Prevention is the key to teen suicide reduction. True prevention begins with eliminating the causative factors such as family disturbance. Recognizing the signs of depression and the clues expressed by the suicidal person are very essential. The parent, siblings or friends who recognizes the warning signs can help by taking action that will assist the teen change the direction of the developing or existing crisis.

One key to unlocking the why of suicide is to understand what is really going on in today’s teenage culture in America. Some adults don’t have a clue. They are naive about the true nature of today’s teen life style.

“Don’t worry about me because I’ve been talking to God for over a year now, and I am going to heaven where I will be happy. God doesn’t like me coming home early, but he doesn’t like the devil beating the _____ out of my mind everyday either. I’m sorry, but the devil has my mind and I must escape him before I do something wrong. Be happy for me, not upset, for I have left the devil now and he can reach me no longer. I feel relief now. Wish me luck and happiness in my new life.” With these confused, fateful words Gary ended his life.

Be especially vigilant if your child is male, romantic, bright and/or sensitive. For some reason these boys are especially vulnerable to completing suicide. Depression and other mental illness are poorly understood. Part of the reason is we don’t manage pain well in our society. Rooted deep in many of our religious beliefs is the notion that human pain and suffering are God’s retribution for our sins. While being suffers on earth we may attain eternal bliss in heaven.

What a sad paradox. Add to this the culturally rooted idea that showing pain openly is wrong. Don’t cry, be tough, You’ll get over it, Grin and bear it, don’t be a wimp, No pain, no gain!

Teenagers are especially susceptible to emotional pain that is frighteningly intense. They simply don’t have the experience to recognize that “this too, shall pass.” They find it difficult to think of tomorrow when today is so over whelming. They live in the moment. Some things are so painful they cannot cope with them and so they put the pain away rather than deal with it. They are that much more vulnerable when the next painful moment comes. The new pain sometimes compounds the old, rather than replacing it, growing into a vast, amorphous psychic pain of many interwoven sources, which is difficult to unravel. In these cases, teens never quite get around to learning to cope. They become depressed, they become suicidal.

Time and experience give teens a chance to grow into their pain. They begin to realize that what was so painful at fourteen isn’t so painful at twenty. They learn that bad times make the good times all the sweeter.

SUICIDE AMONG THE ABORIGINAL IN CANADA

There are no simple explanations as to why people commit suicide. The reasons are complex, derived in a large part from personal life experiences, such as:

Prolonged or unresolved grief

Outcome of loss of identity, cultural dislocation

Economic disadvantages

High unemployment

Separation from family and extended family

Chronic family instability

Physical, emotional and sexual abuse

These factors can lead to alcohol and substance abuse, depression, social and psychological problems, ill health, withdrawal from relationships, anger and a continuation of abuse and self-destructive behaviors.

While alcohol and substance abuse contribute to the incidence of native suicide, the deeper issues of separation, loss and unresolved grief, leading low self -esteem, despair, violence, underlie some of the reasons people take their lives.

Aboriginal communities have identified the need for long and short-term solutions. These solutions will be planned and implemented by the community and be holistic in their approach.

Emphasis on mentally healthy community through a community development approach that focuses on the wellness of children, families and the community.

A grieving process for healing to begin

Restoring and reviving traditional values with elders and traditional medicine.

Community-based and planned suicide prevention and intervention programs.

Services that is able to respond to the immediate crises.

Brief Review of Suicide In The Aboriginal Communities of Canada

In a review done by the Department of Health and Social Services and The Chief Corner of The Government of The Northwest territories, March (1998)

The study defines suicide as – when a person takes his or her own life with the intent to do so.

TWO SOURCES OF DATA WERE USED:

   1.  G.N.W.T. Suicide Data

   2.  Coroners Files

Hanging was the main method of suicide in 49 deaths (63%)

Firearms caused 27 (35%)

Drug overdose caused 2 (3%)

58 of the 78 suicides (74.4%) occurred in the individual’s home and 20 (25.6%) occurred elsewhere.

Of the 20 suicides outside the home, 11 were by hanging and 9 were by firearm. The bedroom is the location of suicide in 37 cases in private dwellings, 24 of which were by hanging in the bedroom closet. In the bedroom 4 deaths by hanging and 9 by firearms.

Fifteen suicides occurred in the living room and bathroom, with 9 by hanging, 5 by firearms and 1 by drug overdose.

Fifteen suicides occurred in other locations, (six by hanging, eight by firearms and one by drug overdose.) These locations are the porch, outside the house, shed, garage, basement, storage room, kitchen and hall or stairwell.

Of the 78 cases, hanging is the main method of suicide for 61 males. Males hang themselves in 36 cases (59%), firearms in 27 cases (37.7%) and drug overdose in two (3.3%)

Females hung themselves in 13 cases, which is 76.5% and used firearms in four cases, which is 23.5%. Based on the 78 cases

Suicides Rank By Day Of The Week

Saturday 19%

Monday 17%

Thursday 15%

Sunday 14%

Wednesday 13%

Friday 12%

Tuesday 10%

Suicides between 10PM and 10AM account for 49 cases (62%)

Suicides carried out during the time period from morning to evening 10 Am to 10PM make up the remaining 38%. Twenty (28%) of the deaths took place during the time period from midnight to 4AM. Fourteen (20%) of the deaths took place during the time period from 8 PM to midnight.

The hours of 8AM to 12 noon and the hours of 4AM to 8 AM had 10 deaths each (14% respectively) The hours of noon to 4PM and 4PM to 8PM had nine deaths (13%) and eights deaths (11%) respectively.

The average length of time between the time of death and discovery is estimated to be eight hours. The time between death and discovery ranges from two hours to one hundred and eight hours.

Twenty-one individuals (27%) were discovered during the time period from 8AM to noon. Fifteen individuals (20%) were discovered during the time period from noon to 4PM. Thirteen individuals (17%) were discovered during each time period of 8PM to midnight, and midnight to 4PM.

The remaining 19 individuals (25%) were found during the time period of 4AM – 8AM and 4PM – 8PM. Males ages 15 – 29 are at most risk, which is consistent with other populations in Canada including Aboriginal populations.

Personal distress as a result of family and relationship breakups and troubles was observed in 30% of the suicides.

Alcohol intoxication appeared in 33% of the suicides. Suicide must be considered the result of an accumulation of many factors in the individual’s environment and personal characteristics.

Resolving social issues such as unemployment, poverty, poor education, lack of opportunity and loss of cultural identity may lower rates of suicide, which may resolve other issues such as crime, family violence and alcohol or drug abuse which all contribute to suicide.

There is a need for ongoing community awareness and training to identify people at risk of suicide. Family and friends need the tools to recognize when a person is at risk of suicide.

Individuals at risk of suicide need to be identified more quickly. Members of the community must be empowered to act immediately with the co-operation of emergency services.

WHY DO YOUTH COMMIT SUICIDE

While there are no definite answers for which youth attempt and complete suicide, there is general agreement that youth who take their own lives feel hopeless about their situation and believe it will never change. Suicide seems to be a response to seemingly intolerable pain. It appears when a complex set of factors interacts with the youth’s biological, emotional, intellectual and social stages of development.

BIOLOGICAL  Depression due to chemical imbalance; physical illness; physical disability; learning disability; chemical changes during puberty; or physical dependency on drugs or alcohol.

EMOTIONAL  Sadness; stress; impulsive behavior; a sense of powerlessness; loss; grief; loneliness; low self-esteem; anger or rage; guilt; hopelessness; a sense of being overwhelmed; anxiety; confusion about sexual identity/orientation; emotional dependency on chemical substances.

INTELLECTUAL  Inability to communicate feelings; perfectionism; pressure to achieve or perform; self-criticism; unrealistic view of death; revenge; exaggeration of faults.

SOCIAL  Isolation; withdrawal; friendlessness; lack of social skills; unpopularity; feelings of not belonging; embarrassment before peers; labeled as crazy, stupid, or different, in trouble at home; school; or with the law; runaway.

WHAT IS NOT HELPFUL

Here is a list of things that the experts recommend not doing when you feel a child or adolescent is considering suicide, Remember not to:

Act shocked

Encourage guilt

Physically attempt to take a weapon away, (if the youth is in possession)

Promise total confidentiality

Minimize the problem

Leave the youth alone

Give up hope

Panic

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP SOMEONE WHO MAY BE SUICIDAL

(Myth) Those problems weren’t enough to commit suicide over.

People who know a completed suicide often say this. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person who is suicidal you are feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is but how badly it’s hurting the person who has it.

Remember- Suicidal behavior is a cry for help.

The risk that a youth you know will commit or attempt suicide is greater today than ever before.

(Myth) If someone is going to kill himself nothing is going to stop him.

The fact that a person is still alive is sufficient proof that part of him wants to remain alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent, part of him wants to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end. It is the part that wants to live that tells someone, “I feel suicidal.”

If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune and more willing to protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.

Be willing to give and get help sooner rather than later.

Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. Most textbooks on depression say it should be treated as soon as possible. Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain; being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful or manipulative. You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.

LISTEN

Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don’t need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you. Show patience, sympathy and acceptance. Avoid arguments and advice giving.

ASK – Are you having thoughts of suicide?

(Myth) – Talking about it may give someone the idea.

People already have the idea; suicide is constantly in the news media. If you ask a despairing person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously and that you are willing to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him further opportunity to discharge painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide, find out how far along his ideation has progressed.

If the person is actually suicidal, do not leave him alone.

If the means are present, try to get rid of them, detoxify the home.

A SUMMARY OF SOME OS THE CAUSES OF SUICIDE AMONG THE ABORGINAL

As one can realize there are about as many opinions or shades of opinions concerning perceived causes of suicide, as there are people. However, numerous reoccurring themes are given. These are listed in point form for easier reading.

Shame and low self-esteem.

Money problems; jealous of those who had more than they had.

Parents and elders being too lenient.

Lack of employment, no place to go, boredom.

Feeling overwhelmed because youth had nobody to belong to, to accept him or her, to listen to them, to enjoy them.

Broken trust

When they cannot take more abuse or physical beatings.

No solid foundation or connectedness with family or relatives during times of breakup with boy or girl friends.

Cultural differences between elders and youth.

Overwhelming fears and anxiety about themselves, life, and the future.

When charges have been laid and they cannot face going to court.

After going to safe house and are afraid to go home.

When reminded about the same painful things over and over, youth feel they are good for nothing.

The Youth, hiding their pain and overwhelming remorse over their mistakes.

Self-pity, feeling alone, and feeling so lost.

Children, raising their brothers and sisters, lost childhood.

Following their peer or gang leaders.

Spouses running around with other partners. Leaves the children emotionally wounded. Sets a poor example.

Parental problems; drinking, drugs, unfaithfulness. Too many kids are hungry, neglected, not guided, forsaken.

Fear of parents breaking up; of evil spirits; of abandonment; of failure.

Giving up on coping, don’t talk, don’t feel, and don’t trust anymore.

Sexually abused by fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and other relatives. Respect for elders is lost. Often sexual abuse issues are not dealt with or reported. Often the victim is sent out for protection from his or her abuser during the time he or she needs help from his or her support systems. Abusers often get protection and blame the victim. The victim is re-victimized. The child or teen is or teen is left damaged, wounded, and suicidal. (Over the past five years, our counseling experience has shown that about 90% of the women coming for help have been sexually abused.)

Elders want to forget their past wrongs. This gives the next generation the message that they can do wrong (including sexual abuse) and get away with it.

One parent does drugs leaving the other parent overloaded physically and emotionally.

When one family member has committed suicide, others want to follow.

Get criticized if cannot excel in Inuit ways after out of school. In the city they excelled in sports but sports have no value among the elders at home. The criticism gets the youth down.

Thinking no one cares; no role model; no father to teach life skills or discipline; no father to love and please.

Heavy mental music.

Children see parents drink and work but no time for them.

At funeral services for those who died of suicide, they hear that God called the person and therefore it was God’s plans for this to happen, as if God plans everyone’s wrong, like puppets. And God is the puppeteer.

Put downs: You are good for nothing, never help out, are lazy, cannot hunt or have a job, cannot sew, are clumsy, cannot do anything right, cannot even find a mate, are always sad, never cheerful, never go to church, never go to school, never clean house, are stupid, cannot even baby sit or look after kids.

Hearing too much gossip.

Children raised in single-parent homes often have less protection and are more vulnerable to sexual abuse. Also the workload for the single mother often causes her to be depressed, have suicidal tendencies, and turn to drinking. This drinking can have serious effects upon unborn babies who are born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Children given to grandparents to raise. Often these grandparents have already raised a family. It is a heavy load. They often cannot meet the child’s needs.

Grandparents too often just let the children run.

When youth get charged, the court date is often put off and the youth become over anxious, worried, embarrassed, and stressed out, depressed, and suicidal during the waiting period.

When a youth does a crime he or she is often viewed as bad forever, unredeemable.

Moral values, infidelity, drinking problems and family problems worsened in communities where the U.S. military and Dew Line men came in by the hundreds. The implication of what effect that had on that generation and the children it produced are difficult to determine.

Too many children must raise themselves. This makes them take on adult roles as children. Many become suicidal.

Emotionally damaged and starved youth have children; children trying to raise children become overburdened and depressed.

Some men and women are on the loose. Their children are often given to homes in other communities. The children feel abandoned.

In – laws interfering with their children’s marriages can sometimes cause breakups. Often then grandparents are left with the children.

Difficult for grandparents to meet children’s needs.

Several mentioned that the media have a profound effect upon values and morals of the children and youth. The media also numbs youth to violence, explicit sex, healthy marriage relationships, love, and respect for life in general. The media only intensifies outside negative influence; kids fight parents and parents fight kids; adultery; fornication; self-destruction; drinking; and an unreal idealized sensational life style.

Drinking, drugging and fighting parents emotionally damaged their children to the point where the youth need to numb their pain. They turn to sniffing, drugs, alcohol, illicit sex and suicide.

Today there are generational/cultural gaps. There is the generation of the land; the generation that has families now and did not grow up on the land but in communities and the new youth generation. During the move into community/urban-type life between 1960 – 1970, parenting skills, support systems, communication skills, work habits and other social elements were set adrift. New parenting skills, new support systems, communication skills, new work habits, and other social elements were not learned. Appropriate adjustments were not made causing much social and family upheaval.

Little children say; “ I wish I had a Daddy.” Some men have eight children with eight women, a major problem. Children wish to live with their biological fathers and mothers.

Parents are neglecting God and not teaching their children about Him.

A review of the summary of reasons given for suicide shows that many are directly or indirectly related to the family, as well as family values and morals. Even though there was a great social, economic, and cultural change during the 1960’s, the end result is that during and following the upheaval, the family and extended family units were seriously weakened.

Suicide is only one resulting symptom. The quote, “Suicide is a symptom of social malaise and family dysfunction …” is amplified in this list.

While there are more than two reasons for youth suicide, physical and sexual abuse often come up as major reasons for suicide. This would be in harmony with an $800.000.00 study done in 1995 by The First Nation Cree Peoples of their youth suicide epidemic, as reported by a newspaper article:

Years of physical and sexual abuse; coupled with familial neglect and isolation, are at the root of the suicide epidemic that has hit native youth over the past decade, according to the final report of a youth forum that spent two years examining the problem (Wong, July 31,1996)

During a research project individuals were interviewed. One hundred percent felt that there was a serious suicide problem. Ninety-nine percent had lost a relative or close acquaintance through suicide during the past ten years. However it was encouraging to find that 99% of the individuals at the grass roots level had a heightened awareness of the devastating effects of suicide. Eighty seven percent expressed new hope that there were answers. This 87% felt some responsible action already had been taken with more planning taking place. There was a renewed sense of faith.

General revitalization was given to the Suicide Prevention and Suicide Intervention Groups. The Caregiver Groups that started about 1992 after a rash of suicides received new inspiration not only to continue but also to intensify their efforts.

One person said that earlier, after a great rash of suicides, a group got together to pray that God would do something. Suicides were becoming so common-placed. The people were desperate.

Another person believed that more parents needed to get involved and develop closer family ties to each other and the land. This person believed that families being involved with each other were very crucial to their survival as a nation but hard to maintain in the community life of the ‘90s.

One man said that fathers and mothers must get along or receive counsel so that they can. Family, closeness was being lost, but with this awareness, some parents were making a turn around. Some parents are becoming more open about their problems. Paulusie and his two friends have encouraged the people to keep on going. The sense of powerlessness was cracked. Now this man believed that the people of his community could make a difference. It will be the people as individuals who will make the difference.

LIKELY VICTIMS

While suicide rates among adults have steadied or even declined over the past few decades, teenage suicide rates have tripled. In 1960 alone the suicide rate among 15-19 year olds was 3.6 per 100,000. But by 1990, 11.1 out of every 100,000 teenagers 15 and older committed suicide, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In 1997, more than 30,000 suicides were recorded in the United States; about 9 percent of those were committed by people age 19 or younger. “Where it used to be your grandfather, now it’s your son,” said Tom Simon, a suicide researcher at the CDC. He added that more Americans under the age of 19 now die each year from suicide than from Cancer, Heart Disease, AIDS, Pneumonia, Lung Disease and Birth Defects combined.

Which teenagers are most likely to take their own lives? Federal statisticians say the surge in suicides among the nation’s youth is fueled by unprecedented increases in such deaths in certain populations. For example, suicide rates among 10 – 14 year olds have nearly doubled in the past few decades. And black teenagers are now more than twice as likely to kill themselves as they were just 20 years ago. But white teenagers, particularly boys, still tower over their peers in their rates of self-destructiveness.

For every teenager who commits suicide, 100 more will try. Every year, one in 13 high school students attempts suicide. A 1997 federally funded Youth Risk Behavior Survey found. Half of all high school students reported they have “seriously considered” suicide by the time they graduated, the survey says. That’s an estimated 700,000 American high school students annually who attempt to kill themselves, and millions who say they have contemplated doing so.

Teenage girls attempt suicide three times as often as boys do, but males are four times more likely to finish the job. This gender gap, reported in the 1997 survey, reflects the fact that boys tend to employ more lethal means, such as firearms and hanging; girls favor more survivable methods, such as overdosing on pills.

Girls attempt suicide more than boys, experts say, because their act is an effort at communicating their desperation. Boys tend to keep their emotions hidden. “Girls cry out for help, while boys are taught to be tough and never to act like a girl,” said Dr. William Pollack, a Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard University and an expert on adolescent mental health. As a result, Dr. Pollack said, “boys are so ashamed of their feelings they figure they’d be better off dead” than express their pain.

A small percentage of the increase in teenage suicide rates could reflect improvements in reporting over the past few decades, according to Lloyd Potter, an epidemiologist and suicide expert at the CDC. But, Mr. Potter said, “Rates have been and continue to be artificially low because suicides are often masked or misclassified.”

Parents who rearrange the site of death or hide suicide notes often camouflage a child’s suicide. And some medical examiners classify a death as a suicide only when a note is found, something that occurs in less than a third of all cases.

“There’s no doubt there are families who don’t want it to appear on the death certificate, and the coroner obliges them,” said Dr. Tom Shires, a trauma surgeon with the National Suicide Prevention Institute. In some states the person designated to determine the cause of death may be a lawyer, a justice of the peace with no medical training who is ill equipped to investigate such cases.

Another way suicide is hidden from the record books says experts who study gangs, is that some teenagers who want to escape gang life but see no way out choose to die the “honorable” way by provoking police to fire at them.

We call that suicide by cop, said Gloria Grenados, a psychiatric social worker at Bell High School in Los Angeles, a school whose students are nearly all affiliated with a gang, she said. “There are kids that survived, who literally tell me they ran to meet the bullets because they so much wanted to die.”

Taking note of such subtle refuges, U.S. Surgeon General David Satcher recently called suicide the nation’s hidden epidemic. Suicide, Dr. Satcher said as he launched a suicide-prevention campaign last fall, must be de-stigmatized and addressed as a public health problem.

Young people are more vulnerable than adults to thoughts of suicide, experts say, because they often don’t comprehend in a rational sense that death is final. Suicide notes collected by researchers show children fantasizing about what they will do when they are dead. Young people often see suicide as the end of their problems, not their existence. “The developmental stage of adolescence is consistent with not thinking of the long-or-short-term consequences of behavior,” said Mr. Simon of the CDC.

Another tenet of child development is that adolescents are risk takers by nature who changed friends, clothing styles and attitudes constantly and for no apparent reason. Such impulsivity still rules when teenagers want to chuck more than their wardrobes.

But those traits are most often coupled with environmental stresses before a young person decides to commit suicide. The impetus for inner turmoil in the hearts of adolescents in recent years cannot be gleaned from superficial clues such as whether a teenager plays violent video games, listen to Marilyn Manson CDs or dons black trench coats, school psychologists says. Young people, they say rarely wear their anger so conveniently on their sleeves.

Finding an answer to the riddle of self-murder is not like tracing the origins of a disease to a single genetic maker. Suicide is more akin to a multicolored tapestry whose yarn must be unraveled strand by strand.

Some experts argue that the leading reason why young people are more at risk for suicide now than they were a generation or two ago is the decline of the traditional family unit.

To fill the parenting void and the decreasing ratio of caring adults to children, television increasingly has become children’s stalwart companion after school. Parents spent an average of just two minutes a day communicating with their child, while the TV set spends an average of three and a half hours a day with that child.

By the end of elementary school. The average child will have witnessed more than 100,000 acts of violence on television, including 8,000 murders according to the center for media education in Washington, DC.

In a recent study, high school students interviewed after suicide attempts expressed surprise that their actions were so painful because it didn’t look that way on TV.

“A child doesn’t just wake up suicidal,” said Richard Lieberman, a school psychologist with the suicide-prevention unit of the L.A. public schools who handles distress calls from school officials 24 hours a day. “Kids are dealing with more loss. Families are under more stress.”

Clinically depressed adolescents are five times more likely to attempt suicide than their non-depressed peers, according to a 15 years study that tracked 73 depressed adolescents and compared them with peers who were not clinically depressed.

In Darkness Visible, the author William Styron describes his own severe depression as “a hurricane of the mind.” And five years before killing herself, poet Sylvia Plath said of her expressive moods: “I felt as if I were smothering. As if a great muscular owl were sitting on my chest, its talons clenching and constricting my heart.”

A study released last fall by the university of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that one-fifth of teenagers said they had had no health care in the past six months, even though they had a condition that warranted a medical visit. That situation represents a lost opportunity, suicide experts say, because family doctors can detect sudden changes in mood, sleeping patterns, and eating habits.

Indicators Of Depression

Some depressed teenagers, who are either embarrassed to seek help or can’t afford it, eschew traditional medical care in favor of illicit drugs to elevate their moods. There is a strong link between the use of illegal drugs and suicide; alcohol and certain drugs are depressants and can often have the effect of deepening one’s mood. And, because they knock down inhibitions, teenagers feel freer to act on their suicidal fantasies.

Autopsies of adolescent suicide victim’s show that one-third to one half of the teenagers was under the influence of drugs or alcohol shortly before they killed themselves.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT SUICIDE

Ecclesiastes 7:17  (NCV) Don’t be too wicked, and don’t be foolish. Why die before your time?

Almost every one would agree that life is the most precious gift that human beings have been given. Just the chance to be alive on this earth and play a part in the grand scheme of God’s eternal plan is a privilege indeed. Yet, despite this, there are times when life becomes so difficult or unbearable that many have, at one time or another wished they were dead or had never been born. For some, these feelings linger and if they linger long enough, suicide seems to be the only escape.

Very few would argue with the fact that suicide is a direct breaking of the sixth commandment, which is, “You shall not murder.” We are not to murder each other or ourselves. God created human beings in His image and each of us carries within us the potential to overcome the evil in this world, and to rule and reign with Christ in heavenly places. If we are Christians, we no longer belong to ourselves, but to God. We are overseers of our bodies and our lives (which belong to Him) and we are responsible to guard that which has been entrusted to us.

Suicide is a grievous sin that seriously hurts both the heart of God and those who loved the deceased. The pain of losing a loved one who took their own life is not easily healed, and often isn’t fully healed until Heaven. Whether you are contemplating suicide or know someone who killed himself or herself, God wants you to know there is hope and life for you. He is the great Healer and Restorer of what has been lost or stolen.

Many of the greatest saints and heroes of the Bible faced overwhelming depression and sometimes wrote that they wished they had never been born.

King David: Psalm 13:2-4 (NCV) How long must I worry and feel sad in my heart all day? How long will my enemy win over me? Lord, look at me. Answer me, my God; tell me, or I will die. Otherwise my enemy will say, “I have won!” Those against me will rejoice that I’ve been defeated.

The Prophet Jeremiah: Jeremiah 20:14-18 (NCV) Let there be a curse on the day I was born; let there be no blessing on the day when my mother gave birth to me.Let there be a curse on the man who brought my father the news: “You have a son!” This made my father very glad. Let that man be like the towns the Lord destroyed without pity.  Let him hear loud crying in the morning and battle cries at noon,  Because he did not kill me before I was born. Then my mother would have been my grave; she would have stayed pregnant forever.  Why did I have to come out of my mother’s body? All I have known is trouble and sorrow, and my life will end in shame.

Job  Job 7:15-16 (NCV) My throat prefers to be choked; my bones welcome death.  I hate my life; I don’t want to live forever. Leave me alone, because my days have no meaning.

Among others, all reached low points where they despaired of their very lives. Job says, “So that my soul chooseth strangling, and death rather than my life. I loathe it; I would not live always: let me alone; for my days are vanity”

Yet, each one of these men were blessed of God, and persevered through their trails as an example to us.

Though they faced great suffering and injustice, they kept their faith in God and His goodness, and in so doing were sustained and led into abundant life.

Though we may get depressed from time to time, we believe that the act of suicide never takes the place apart from demonic influences driving one to take their own life. Suicide is directly counter to the power of life that God has put so strongly into his creation. Everywhere we look we see life growing, even in the most hostile environments. This “survival instinct’ is a gift from God. In fact, if He didn’t bestow this gift upon His creation there probably wouldn’t be any life on this planet at all! Suicide, then is directly contrary to the will of God, and originated in the realm of the demonic host, who come only to “steal, and to kill, and to destroy” (John 10:10). Though demons may try to tempt us to kill ourselves, as Christians we have power over the devil and he cannot push us to do this if we sincerely call on the name of the Lord!

We are all in a spiritual battle. The problem is, many of us are not aware of it, and do not know how to protect ourselves against attacks.

Do All Those Who Kill Themselves Go To Hell

Mark 16:16 (NCV) Anyone who believes and is baptized will be saved, but anyone who does not believe will be punished.

Murder and suicide are not unpardonable sins. The only unforgivable sins are rejecting Christ and blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

Mark 3:28-29 (NCV) I tell you the truth; all sins that people do and all the things people say against God can be forgiven.  But anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of a sin that continues forever.”

All other sins can be forgiven. However, anyone contemplating suicide may be in danger of going to hell, as his or her relationship with the Lord is not intact at that point.

Those who would consider suicide may have a severed relationship with Christ and therefore they would enter the real hell – which is worse than the hellish feelings they are experiencing at the moment.

It is so important to remember that God judges each of us individually, weighing all the factors of our lives, our beliefs and our motives. Each one of us is so intricate and complex, only God could really judge us in total truth, wisdom, and without favoritism. The most important truth of all is that each one of us will stand before His throne and give account of our lives. If we live intimately with this sobering truth, much of the sin in the church and the world would immediately be stopped.

2 Samuel 17:23 (NCV) When Ahithophel saw that the Israelites did not accept his advice, he saddled his donkey and went to his hometown. He left orders for his family and property, and then he hanged himself. He died and was buried in his father’s tomb.

Is suicide the unpardonable sin, or does God forgive suicide? These questions have troubled the hearts of those who struggle with the temptation to end their lives and those who are left behind when a friend or family member chooses to take his or her life.

As we look at this sensitive subject that exposes our most intimate thoughts and feelings, we realize that the subject of suicide affects those who do not profess to know Christ as Savior and many believers as well.

Although the word suicide is never used in the Bible, there are several direct references to people killing themselves, and by definition, that is suicide. In 1 Kings 16:18, there is reference to Zimri, who reigned for a few days over Israel and then died in a fire that he started in his home. He was about to be overthrown and could not cope with defeat.

1 Kings 16:18 (NCV) When Zimri saw that the city had been captured, he went into the palace and set it on fire, burning the palace and himself with it.

Abimelech, the son of Jerubabell, committed assisted suicide rather than have it said that he died at the hands of a woman.

Judges 9:53-54 (NCV) but as he came near, a woman dropped a grinding stone on his head, crushing his skull. He quickly called to the officer who carried his armor and said, “Take out your sword and kill me. I don’t want people to say, `A woman killed Abimelech.’ ” So the officer stabbed Abimelech, and he died.

Saul fell on his sword after losing a battle against the Philistines. When his armor bearer saw that Saul had killed himself, he followed in like manner.

1 Samuel 31:4-5 (NCV) He said to the officer who carried his armor, “Pull out your sword and kill me. Then those uncircumcised men won’t make fun of me and kill me.” But Saul’s officer refused, because he was afraid. So Saul took his own sword and threw himself on it.  When the officer saw that Saul was dead, he threw himself on his own sword, and he died with Saul.

1 Chronicles 10:4-5 (NCV) Then Saul said to the officer who carried his armor, “Pull out your sword and stab me. If you don’t, these Philistines who are not circumcised will come and hurt me.” But Saul’s officer refused, because he was afraid. So Saul took his own sword and threw himself on it.  When the officer saw that Saul was dead, he threw himself on his own sword and died.

When he stopped allowing God to direct his life, Samson lost his unbelievable strength and suffered humiliation at the hands of the Philistines. Unable to tolerate the ridicule and the reality of his failure, in one final act of strength, Samson pulled the pillars down on himself and thousands of his captors.

Judges 16:25-30 (NCV) While the people were enjoying the celebration, they said, “Bring Samson out to perform for us.” So they brought Samson from the prison, and he performed for them. They made him stand between the pillars.  Samson said to the servant holding his hand, “Let me feel the pillars that hold up the temple so I can lean against them.”  Now the temple was full of men and women. All the Philistine rulers were there, and about three thousand men and women were on the roof watching Samson perform. Then Samson prayed to the Lord, “Lord God, remember me. God, please give me strength one more time so I can pay these Philistines back for putting out my two eyes!” Then Samson turned to the two center pillars that supported the whole temple. He braced himself between the two pillars, with his right hand on one and his left hand on the other.  Samson said, “Let me die with these Philistines!” Then he pushed as hard as he could, causing the temple to fall on the rulers and all the people in it. So Samson killed more of the Philistines when he died than when he was alive.

The inability to cope with failure, the inability to deal with relationships. The perceived loss of position or status, the unbearable pain of humiliation and a meaningless life. These were some of the reasons given for those who committed suicide during biblical times. A closer examination of  the alarming number of suicides today reveals five motivating factors:

A cause that a person is committed to

A pact between two or more people

Feelings of meaninglessness

Circumstances that overwhelm an individual

An extended illness involving intractable or unrelenting pain

No matter what mode of suicide a person chooses, if we were to somehow explore the thoughts of those who have committed suicide (or are contemplating it), I believe that we would find one of these five motivating factors. The death certificate may list drug overdose or gunshot wound as the cause of death yet the underlying cause often is never discovered because of the self-imposed isolation that most people experience prior to their suicide.

Over the last ten to fifteen years, we have watched the results of suicides stemming from adherence to a cause. This has been portrayed in grim detail in the media in the suicides carried out in bombings in the Middle East when a soldier storms a building with a truck laden with explosives. The murder of hundreds of soldiers was an honorable deed for the one who killed himself in the truck that slammed into the army barracks. To die for such a cause is noble for one who considers the cause life’s motivation.

The pictures of Guyana and the hundreds of bodies strewn across the ground were grim reminders that pacts between individuals can have tragic consequences. The followers of Jim Jones had a pact, and it resulted in their mass suicide.

A major cause of suicide is the despair of living without meaning or purpose. In a world overwhelmed with violence, divorce, homelessness, AIDS, and drug abuse, it is too often the norm to live life bouncing around without anything to hang on to that would give meaning and security to an otherwise lonely existence.

In his book Fatal Choice, John Q. Baucom states that of all the suicides committed by teenagers in 1984, 80 percent had alcohol in their systems: “Suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers. It is estimated that approximately 6,000 adolescents will take their lives annually…During the past 25 years the teenager rate has tripled. One report indicates that nearly 12 percent of all school children will experience serious suicidal ideation at least once.”

The fact that many children are finding suicide to be the logical choice underscores the impact that the pressures of life, even at such an early age, can have. They live in a world of isolation, rejection, and the perception that no one cares. Life becomes intolerable, and suicide becomes the logical answer.

Depression is a key factor in most suicides.

Ecclesiastes 1:2 (NCV) The Teacher says, “Useless! Useless! Completely useless! Everything is useless.”

Job 10:1 (NCV) “I hate my life, so I will complain without holding back; I will speak because I am so unhappy.

Jonah 4:8 (NCV) As the sun rose higher in the sky, God sent a very hot east wind to blow, and the sun became so hot on Jonah’s head that he became very weak and wished he were dead. He said, “It is better for me to die than to live.”

Circumstances can often be the precipitating factor in suicide. What one person can deal with, another might find overwhelming. This can encompass any number of things, such as divorce, the loss of a job, or financial distress. In one sad incident the inability to deal with the death of a friend resulted in the suicide of a well-known professional football player. The young man lost control of his car while driving late one evening in Texas. A friend who was in the car died. Overcome with the reality of what had happened, the young man put a gun to his head and ended his life. His circumstance motivated his suicide.

The last of the motivating factors in suicide concerns the inability to cope with a debilitating illness and unrelenting pain. Assisted suicide has gained national and international attention in the media. Over the years, the idea of euthanasia has been discussed and debated, but never have so many sought to enlist the help of medical professionals in ending their lives. Euthanasia is defined in Webster’s 11 New Riverside University Dictionary, as “the intentional causing of a painless and easy death to a patient suffering from an incurable or painful disease.” As people have become more aggressive in their “right” to end the suffering of terminal illnesses or the ravages of old age, the issue of assisted suicide has taken on monumental significance among many groups who wish to see euthanasia become one of the “rights” that all people possess. News reports are filled with stories of people seeking to end their lives with the help of a medical professional.

We need to consider the reasons why suicide is wrong and why it is not the way to avoid painful circumstances. As an act of rebellion, suicide is a sin against God.

These are some of the reasons why suicide is wrong:

It violates the Ten Commandments.

Nowhere does the Bible condone a person ending life to escape circumstances.

Life is a gift from God.

Suicide is an expression of self-hatred, and the Bible says we are to “love our neighbors as ourselves.”

Suicide usurps the power that belongs only to God.

A person who commits suicide short-circuits God’s will for his or her life.

It is an expression of lack of faith.

Suicide is an act of selfishness.

It hurts the cause of Christ.

With this in mind, we can understand why there are so many questions concerning whether God forgives the person who commits suicide. After all, suicide is an act of rebellion against God. Fortunately for all of us, however, God’s grace is without prejudice. Whoever believes will be saved. Nowhere in the Bible does God compartmentalize sin and reserve grace only for those who commit “acceptable” sins. There is no such thing. Does God forgive suicide?

If the person who committed suicide at some time accepted Jesus’ death on the cross as payment for his sin debt and asked Him into his life, he is forgiven. Absolute assurance of forgiveness is found in:

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to them, which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

If a person has ever taken that step and received Christ as Savior, nothing can alter the truth that, as children of God, we are forgiven. Even when we rebel against God, He is faithful to keep His Word. On the other hand, there is no such assurance for the one who commits suicide and has never taken that step of faith in Christ, except the assurance of eternal separation from God.

The fact that God’s grace is sufficient and that forgiveness is available even in the case of suicide should never be taken as permission to follow through with the temptation to commit suicide. Suicide is never the right decision. No one enjoys suffering. All of us sympathize with those who hurt, both physically and emotionally. However, 2 Corinthians 12:9 is our assurance that in our weakness, God’s grace is sufficient, and that is our hope when life becomes intolerable. When nothing we try works, God has promised that He is able to sustain us.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Many parents argue that a child’s emotional problems are a family matter and that schools are inappropriate venues to broach the issues of life and death. When the courts first held that public schools have special duties as stewards of the nation’s young people for eight hours a day, they probably didn’t envision principals patrolling their buildings to stop Jane from jumping off the roof. But, then, there wasn’t as much roof jumping back then.

The Latin term in loco parents literally, “in the place of parents”, was first used by Romans to refer to the Greek slaves whom they employed to tutor their children.  So that the Roman children would respect their low-ranked teachers, the Roman masters delegated their parental power temporarily so the Greeks could discipline the pupils in their care.

The U.S. courts, having inherited the doctrine from English law, also applied the concept to help teachers keep students in their seats. Over the years, various courts conferred broad supervisory power on schools to control unruly students, using the doctrine at times to sanction paddling and other corporal punishment.

Along with the power to discipline students came certain responsibilities to protect students from harm. In recent years, the courts have taken this guardianship status further by holding schools liable for negligence if they fail to protect a child who is harassed or sexually abused by another student at school. In the past 20 years, several courts extended the surrogate parental obligation further still, finding that schools have a legal obligation to take “reasonable steps” to protect students from hurting themselves.

Lawsuits Multiplying

Whether a student kills himself in his bedroom or in the school’s locker room, the courts are sending a message to schools that they can no longer stand on the sidelines, said Richard Lieberman, a psychologist with the L.A. public schools who has testified on behalf of districts.

The number of lawsuits filed against school districts claiming negligence in student suicides has multiplied tenfold in the past twenty years, Mr. Lieberman estimates. For every suicide case that goes to trial, at least 20 are settled out of court, he said. In the past two years especially, national publicity over a space of time, school shootings has helped prompt a shower of legal claims against schools.

While federal law requires schools to report to authorities if they suspect a student is being abused by his or her parents, no state requires schools to notify parents if a student expresses suicidal thoughts.

When schools are found to be liable in a child’s suicide, legal experts say, it’s generally for negligence: They could have “foreseen the suicidal risk” of the student, or they knew of the student’s intent to harm himself and failed to take “responsible” steps to prevent it.

Among The Cases Addressing Schools’ Liability:

A 1991 case against the Montgomery County, Md., board of education stemmed from junior high school students’ telling a counselor that their friend was making suicidal statements. When a counselor questioned, N.E. about those comments, the 13 year old denied that she was going to hurt herself, and the counselor chose not to notify her parents. A week later the girl was killed in a murder-suicide pact. A state appeals court found the counselors negligent in their duty to warn the parents, arguing that the counselors should have been able to “foresee” the suicide despite her denials.  It is no simple task to detect a child’s suicidal intent. Metal detectors and surveillance cameras may nab gun-toting teenagers, but they don’t pick up inner turmoil.

In his presentations to high school students, Dr. Victor Victoroff, the chairman emeritus of psychiatry at Huron Road Medical Center in Cleveland, shows slides of teenagers who attempt suicide and end up in emergency rooms; a girl who had her stomach pumped, a boy with his face blown off by a gunshot blast, a girl with her wrists carved up. “I’ll use any means to cut through the romantic haze. I want them to know suicide is a painful experience.” Said Dr. Victoroff.

WORKING TOWARD PREVENTION

The general view among mental health professionals is that talking about suicide can help prevent teenagers from doing it. But there is no evidence that short lectures in the classrooms or heavily attended school assemblies, or even visits to the morgue have any measurable effects on preventing teenagers from killing themselves. And some of the approaches may actually aggravate the situation for the most vulnerable student.

In one of the most rigorous evaluation of suicide-prevention programs, Dr. David Shaffer, a Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University, found that most commonly used suicide awareness programs in schools did more harm than good.

In his 1987 study, Dr. Shaffer evaluated several widely used programs with 1,000 students in six high schools. While there was no evidence that the didactic classroom discussions caused emotional distress among students as a whole, neither did the course alter the disturbing attitudes of those students who said, “In certain situations, suicide was a reasonable solution to one’s problems.”

Moreover, the study found those students who were already contemplating suicide were more distressed after being exposed to the lessons. “At any one time in any classroom, there are going to be one in four kids who have thought about suicide,” Dr. Shaffer said recently. “Talking about it might stimulate what has been bottled up, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.”

Such findings have provided support for critics who believe suicide prevention courses ought to be dropped. “These death-and-dying courses can have dangerous consequences,” said Ms. Schlafly of the Alton, Ill. Based Eagle Forum. “Some children may be tripped over the edge.”

But schools can drive down the youth-suicide rate if they employ very specific methods, researchers say. Preliminary findings from a study by University of Washington researchers suggest that students who practice solving difficult dilemmas in their lives through role playing in group sessions with other students twice a week are less likely to be depressed or to exhibit suicidal behavior than those who do not take part in such programs.

Teachers might also read students essays for more than their literary value. A 1986 study of students’ work in several schools found 500 poems that contained suicidal references but that were returned to students without comment or follow-up.

One of the students, an 11-year-old boy, turned in an essay titled “Suicide Mistake” in which he outlined his own death in detail. That night he killed himself just as he described.

Teachers are often reluctant to talk to their colleagues about students for fear that they will violate a student’s privacy. Ms Underwood of the NSBA said: “Students’ privacy gets so drilled into their heads, and unfortunately they sometimes get snagged by it.”

“If teachers detect morbid preoccupations, however, they should be discreet about revealing them,” Mr. Poland said. In his book, Mr. Poland cites the case of a Denver teacher who intercepted a note written by a 12 year old and read the personal details about his melancholy state to the class. The boy committed suicide later that day.

Another was to put a dent in the youth-suicide rate is to persuade teenagers to tell adults when they know other students have such intentions, even though it might be seen as tattling.

The unwritten code of silence among students has to be broken, said Clark Flatt, whose young son shot himself in 1997. In 70% of all teen suicide, another teen knew about it and did nothing. We have to train teenagers to take their friends’ morbid musings seriously.

Many experts say the subject is particularly difficult to teach about, even more sensitive than AIDS, sex or drugs, because talking about suicide has long been considered taboo.

Greeks and Romans condemned suicide as an offense against the state because suicide deprived society of a productive member.

Many religious denominations have held that suicide victims are condemned to hell, and have barred their burial in sacred ground and shrouded their memory in shame.

“It’s time for us to move from shame and stigma to support,” said Dr. Satcher, because a majority of teenagers who kill themselves suffer some type of a diagnosable mental health problem. He said the best way schools can ward off more suicides is to usher troubled children to the nearest mental health professional. The dip in the teenage suicide rate in the late 1990’s is partly attributable to better screening of children for mental health problems, some experts say. One of the most promising places to thwart a suicide may be the school’s counselor’s or nurse’s office.

In a 10 month study in 14 schools, students who were deemed at risk for dropping out were interviewed in two-hour sessions and were asked a series of questions about their mood and called their parents or a hospital if they expressed suicidal inclinations. Those who participated in the psychological interview program were 54 % less likely to have suicidal thoughts or act on them in the months following the session than those who did not participate, the study found.

“You have to know the difference between a joking teen and one who has a knife under his bed or has already counted out the pills.” Said Leslie Kraft, who runs a teen-screening program.

An expert says that in the best of all possible worlds, children’s emotional deficits would be catalogued in kindergarten. Giving early treatment to children with short attention spans, school phobias or short fuses could greatly reduce problems in later grades.

DIAGNOSIS AND TREATMENT

Dr. Thomas Shires, a trauma surgeon and the head of the federally funded Suicide Prevention Research Center, advocates minimizing access to handguns. But he expresses doubt that such measures would make a serious dent in suicide rates. “If they don’t do it with guns, they will do it with something else,” he said.

What perturbs Dr. Shires most is what he sees as the medical profession’s poor record at diagnosing and treating young patients’ psychological pain.

Dr. Shires’ research found that 70% of all people who attempt suicide have seen their family physician within the 30 days before they made the attempt. But many medical doctors are not well versed in distinguishing between serious emotional distress and evanescent adolescent anger.

Dr. Shires prescribes a multi pronged approach to fighting suicide: if physicians were better trained, more students had caring adults in their lives from infancy on, and school were better prepared to identify and get troubled children the help they needed quickly, the youth-suicide rate would surely plummet, he said.

In light of the societal forces driving children to suicide, Linda Taylor says, school that takes up the challenge have to be warned that they can’t save every child.

Ms. Taylor, a counselor from Los Angeles, tells the story of a rambunctious ten-year-old girl she treated years ago for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. One evening, the child’s mother told the 5th grader to clean up her room and not to come out until it was clean. The girl hanged herself from a belt in her bedroom closet.

“Everyone was devastated, “said Ms. Taylor, who added that though the girl’s father had recently died, the family was close and there was no clear sign the child had serious emotional problems. “We felt, my God, what did we miss? How did we not see what was coming?”

In public schools where prayer is banned and where the teaching of morality is shunned, all that is left is sterile academic knowledge. Veritas minus Christo. The result? Students today cannot tell right from wrong.

If there is any remaining harbor of hope, it’s the family and the church. Moms and Dads must stay with it. Pastors and teachers don’t give up!

A Biblical Perspective On Suicide

We begin with the recognition that, from a Biblical perspective, issues of life and death lie in the sovereign hands of God alone. Job said to God, “Man’s days are determined; You, O God, have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed” (Job 14:5) David said to God, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16)

More over, suicide goes against the commandments of God. In fact, the sixth commandment tells us, “You shall not murder” Exodus 20:13 This command is based on the sanctity of human life. We must remember that man was created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26).

It is important to understand that the command, “You shall not murder,” has no direct object. That is, it doesn’t say “You shall not murder someone else,” or “You shall not murder your fellow man.” It simply says, “You shall not murder.”

The prohibition thus includes not just the murder of one’s fellow man but also even the murder of oneself. While suicide is certainly not the “Unforgivable sin”, we must never forget that God prohibits murder of any kind.

Christian pastors and counselors often point out that a believer who ends his life also forever ends his opportunities to witness and serve the Lord on earth. Furthermore, suicide is one of the greatest acts of selfishness, for in it the individual caters to his own desires and his own will, ignoring the catastrophic affects it has on others.

The lives of certain biblical saints are instructive on the issue of suicide. There were times when certain servants of God in biblical times were so severely tested and distressed that they wished for their own death. We can learn a lesson here, when we despair, we must turn to God and not to suicide, God will see us through.

The Apostle Paul certainly went through tough times. In 2 Corinthians 1:8 Paul reflected on his past:

2 Corinthians 1:8 (NCV) Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the trouble we suffered in Asia. We had great burdens there that were beyond our own strength. We even gave up hope of living.

Nevertheless, Paul did not succumb to breaking God’s commandment against murder and commit suicide. He depended on God, and God came through and gave him all the sustenance he needed to make it through his ordeal. We must depend on God when life throws us a punch, and just as God sustained Paul through his difficulties, so He will sustain us.

Christians despairing even of life; a faithful believer, living in obedient fellowship with Christ and loved by Him, may yet undergo experiences that involve danger, fear, and despair, and may encounter circumstances that weigh one down beyond the human power of endurance.

When severe troubles occur in our lives, we need not feel that God has forsaken us or has stopped loving us. Rather, we must remind ourselves that these very things happened to God’s faithful servants of NT times.

God allows these desperate trials so that Christ might come near and as we look to Him in faith, give us the grace to bring us to victory.

Biblical Reference To Suicide

The word suicide is not used in the Bible (NASB or KJV)

Biblical accounts of persons taking their lives, or attempting to do so :

Judges 9:50-57 (NCV) Then Abimelech went to the city of Thebez. He surrounded the city, attacked it, and captured it.  But inside the city was a strong tower, so all the men, women, and leaders of that city ran to the tower. When they got inside, they locked the door behind them. Then they climbed up to the roof of the tower.  Abimelech came to the tower to attack it. He approached the door of the tower to set it on fire,  But as he came near, a woman dropped a grinding stone on his head, crushing his skull.  He quickly called to the officer who carried his armor and said, “Take out your sword and kill me. I don’t want people to say, `A woman killed Abimelech.’ So the officer stabbed Abimelech, and he died.  When the people of Israel saw Abimelech was dead, they all returned home. In that way God punished Abimelech for all the evil he had done to his father by killing his seventy brothers. God also punished the men of Shechem for the evil they had done. So the curse spoken by Jotham, the youngest son of Gideon, came true.

Abimilech severely injured seeks assisted suicide motivated by gender pride, his male ego not wanting death to be caused by a woman.

Judges 16:21-31 (NCV) Then the Philistines captured Samson and tore out his eyes. They took him down to Gaza, where they put bronze chains on him and made him grind grain in the prison.  But his hair began to grow again.  The Philistine rulers gathered to celebrate and to offer a great sacrifice to their god Dagon. They said, “Our god has handed Samson our enemy over to us.”  When the people saw him, they praised their god, saying,“This man destroyed our country. He killed many of us! But our god handed over our enemy to us.  While the people were enjoying the celebration, they said, “Bring Samson out to perform for us.” So they brought Samson from the prison, and he performed for them. They made him stand between the pillars.  Samson said to the servant holding his hand, “Let me feel the pillars that hold up the temple so I can lean against them.”  Now the temple was full of men and women. All the Philistine rulers were there, and about three thousand men and women were on the roof watching Samson perform.   Then Samson prayed to the Lord, “Lord God, remember me. God, please give me strength one more time so I can pay these Philistines back for putting out my two eyes!”  Then Samson turned to the two center pillars that supported the whole temple. He braced himself between the two pillars, with his right hand on one and his left hand on the other.  Samson said, “Let me die with these Philistines!” Then he pushed as hard as he could, causing the temple to fall on the rulers and all the people in it.  So Samson killed more of the Philistines when he died than when he was alive.  Samson’s brothers and his whole family went down to get his body. They brought him back and buried him in the tomb of Manoah, his father, between the cities of Zorah and Eshtaol. Samson was a judge for the people of Israel for twenty years .

Samson caused his own death in the enemy camp, motivated by the avenging of their torture of him.

1 Samuel 31:1-7 The Philistines fought against Israel, and the Israelites ran away from them. Many Israelites were killed on Mount Gilboa.  The Philistines fought hard against Saul and his sons, killing his sons Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malki-Shua.  The fighting was heavy around Saul. The archers shot him, and he was badly wounded.   He said to the officer who carried his armor, “Pull out your sword and kill me. Then those uncircumcised men won’t make fun of me and kill me.” But Saul’s officer refused, because he was afraid. So Saul took his own sword and threw himself on it.  When the officer saw that Saul was dead, he threw himself on his own sword, and he died with Saul.  So Saul, his three sons, and the officer who carried his armor died together that day.  When the Israelites who lived across the Jezreel Valley and those who lived across the Jordan River saw how the Israelite army had run away, and that Saul and his sons were dead, they left their cities and ran away. Then the Philistines came and lived there.

Saul and armor bearer fall on their swords after Saul was injured in battle and did not want to be taken by the enemy and tortured .

2 Samuel 17:23 (NCV) When Ahithophel saw that the Israelites did not accept his advice, he saddled his donkey and went to his hometown. He left orders for his family and property, and then he hanged himself. He died and was buried in his father’s tomb.

Ahitophel strangled himself after his military counsel was rejected by David.

1 Kings 16:15-20 (NCV) So during Asa’s twenty-seventh year as king of Judah, Zimri became king of Israel and ruled in Tirzah seven days. The army of Israel was camped near Gibbethon, a Philistine town.  The men in the camp heard that Zimri had made secret plans against King Elah and had killed him. So that day in the camp they made Omri, the commander of the army, king over Israel. So Omri and all the Israelite army left Gibbethon and attacked Tirzah.  When Zimri saw that the city had been captured, he went into the palace and set it on fire, burning the palace and himself with it.  So Zimri died because he had sinned by doing what the Lord said was wrong. Jeroboam had led the people of Israel to sin, and Zimri sinned in the same way as Jeroboam.  Everything else Zimri did and the story of how he turned against King Elah are written down in the book of the history of the kings of Israel.

Zimri defeated in battle, sets his house afire and dies therein to avoid capture.

Jonah 1:11-15 (NCV) Since the wind and the waves of the sea were becoming much stronger, they said to him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”  Jonah said to them, “Pick me up, and throw me into the sea, and then it will calm down. I know it is my fault that this great storm has come on you.”  Instead, the men tried to row the ship back to the land, but they could not, because the sea was becoming more stormy.  So the men cried to the Lord, “Lord, please don’t let us die because of this man’s life; please don’t think we are guilty of killing an innocent person. Lord you have caused all this to happen; you wanted it this way.” So they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the sea became calm.

Jonah seems to have attempted suicide by jumping into the sea.

Matthew 27:3-5 (NCV) Judas, the one who had given Jesus to his enemies, saw that they had decided to kill Jesus. Then he was very sorry for what he had done. So he took the thirty silver coins back to the priests and the leaders  saying, “I sinned; I handed over to you an innocent man.” The leaders answered, “What is that to us? That’s your problem, not ours.”  So Judas threw the money into the Temple. Then he went off and hanged himself.

Before Judas hung himself, he realized that his sinful actions would lead to the death of Jesus. Likewise, our actions inevitably affect others for good or for evil. Many things we set in motion cannot but stopped, and others and we will experience their evil and destructive results. It is of utmost importance to avoid all actions and plans that may have potentially harmful consequences.

Passages used to evaluate suicide

1. Negatively

Exodus 20:13 (NCV) “You must not murder anyone."

Deuteronomy 5:17 (NCV) “You must not murder anyone."

Deuteronomy 30:19 (NCV) "Today I ask heaven and earth to be witnesses. I am offering you life or death, blessings or curses. Now, choose life! Then you and your children may live."

Job 1:21 (NCV) "He said: ‘I was naked when I was born, and I will be naked when I die.  The Lord gave these things to me, and he has taken them away. Praise the name of the Lord.’"

Acts 16:27-28 (NCV) The jailer woke up and saw that the jail doors were open. Thinking that the prisoners had already escaped, he got his sword and was about to kill himself. But Paul shouted, “Don’t hurt yourself! We are all here.”

1 Corinthians 6:19 (NCV) "You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves,"

Ephesians 5:29 (NCV) "No one ever hates his own body, but feeds and takes care of it. And that is what Christ does for the church,"

1 John 3:15 (NCV) "Everyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderers have eternal life in them."

2. Positively

Mark 8:34-35 (NCV) "Then Jesus called the crowd to him, along with his followers. He said, “If people want to follow me; they must give up the things they want. They must be willing even to give up their lives to follow me. Those who want to save their lives will give up true life. But those who give up their lives for me and for the Good News will have true life."

John 13:37 (NCV)  "Peter asked, ‘Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I am ready to die for you!’”

John 15:13 (NCV) "The greatest love a person can show is to die for his friends."

Romans 5:7 (NCV) "Very few people will die to save the life of someone else. Although perhaps for a good person someone might possibly die."

Romans 14:7 (NCV) "We do not live or die for ourselves."

Philippians 1:21 (NCV) "To me the only important thing about living is Christ, and dying would be profit for me."

1 John 3:16 (NCV) "This is how we know what real love is: Jesus gave his life for us. So we should give our lives for our brothers and sisters."

Revelation 2:13 (NCV) "I know where you live. It is where Satan has his throne. But you are true to me. You did not refuse to tell about your faith in me even during the time of Antipas, my faithful witness who was killed in your city, where Satan lives."

Revelation 20:4 (NCV) "Then I saw some thrones and people sitting on them who had been given the power to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been killed because they were faithful to the message of Jesus and the message from God. They had not worshiped the beast or his idol, and they had not received the mark of the beast on their foreheads or on their hands. They came back to life and ruled with Christ for a thousand years."

Martyrdom

The Biblical accounts do not present a definitive evaluation of suicide in their context, and the other passages are not directly related to suicide contextually.

Brief History Of Interpretation In The Church:

Some early church writers in their encouragement of martyrdom seem to accept suicide (cf. Ignatius)

Other writers cautioned against suicide (cf. Chrysostom)

Augustine used Ex. 20:13 to prove that suicide was sin of self-murder

No possibility of repentance.

Act of cowardice

Thomas Aquinqs added arguments against suicide.

Against nature’s law of self-preservation

Only God has right to give and take away life

John Donne (English writer, 17th cent.) first to argue for positive perspective of suicide.

ATTEMPTING A DEFINITION OF “SUICIDE”

English word “suicide” is etymologically derived from two Latin words: sui= oneself: cidium to kill.

Inclusive definition: “The taking of one’s own life, or causing it to be taken by another, inclusive of any motive, circumstance, or method used.”

By this definition all of the Biblical accounts (cf.I.B.) would qualify as suicide or attempted suicide.

QUESTIONS

Is it possible to so focus on a self-oriented perspective of self-preservation, that one diminishes an other-oriented perspective of God’s love?

Is it possible to so posit an inordinate value of human life, that we diminish the ultimate value of life beyond this life?

Is it possible to be so involved in legalistic determination of moral right and wrong, that we lose sight of God’s eternal perspective and character?

EXCLUSIVE DEFINITIONS

(Limited) – “the taking of one’s own life, or causing it to be taken by another, exclusive of the willing death of martyrdom for God, deference for the lives of others in love, or the avoidance of undue torture and suffering.”

(Unlimited) – “the taking of one’s own life, or causing it to be taken by another, exclusive of any evaluative explanation since every man has an autonomous ‘right to die’.”

Which of the Biblical accounts (cf.I.B.) would qualify as suicide or attempted suicide by these definitions.

QUESTIONS:

Is it possible to so focus on the human-oriented determination of life and death that we diminish the divine prerogative and determination of life and death ?

Is it possible to so emphasize the altruistic and other-oriented motivations for the taking of one’s life, that we diminish the divine determinations of His purposes?

Is it possible that our human evaluation of the situation is so limited by finiteness and self-concern that we might fail to understand God’s supernatural options?

FACTORS TO CONSIDER IN DEFINING "SUICIDE"

Factor Of Intent

Is subject a rational, competent decision maker?

Is there a desire and determination to die?

Does the subject intend to terminate his/her own life?

Factor Of Freedom

Is the subject fully appraised and cognizant of the situation?

Has subject been made to feel guilty about living, breathing, taking up a bed, medicine, and resources?

Must be free from any pressured or forced coercion.

Freely chosen determination to act in direct causation of that which would be a means to one’s own end in death.

Factor Of Motivation

Is there a self-oriented motive for the self-destructive act?

Do oriented motives reduce culpability, changing suicide into sacrificial acts or martyrdom?

What qualifies as an oriented motive?

Welfare of animals?

Psychological welfare of others?

Economic considerations?

Convenience of others?

Ideological premises?

Attempting A Christian Evaluation Of “Suicide”

Differing world-views contribute to one’s perspective of “suicide”

Naturalistic or humanistic world-view

God is not part of the equation

Man is autonomous and independent

Self-determining agent

Right to determine own destiny; right to die

Human life is a result of evolutionary process

Evaluated physically and psychologically

Strive for “quality of life”

objective: to be as productive as possible in bettering the conditions of mankind

Utilitarian motivations in life and death

“Do what you think and feel you have to do”

Avoid inconvenience to others, that they might pursue their “quality of life”

when you are no longer useful to yourself or others, get out of the way.

Biblical Or Christian World-View

God alone is autonomous and independent

God gives and God takes away

God is the owner / operator of His creation

Man is derivative and dependent

Man has freedom of choice in his derivation

Sin is a result of man’s attempt to usurp God’s prerogative, to “be like God,” and to self-determine his own life and death.

Human life is God’s creation; a God given gift

Nehemiah 9:6  You are the only Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, with all the stars. You made the earth and everything on it, the seas and everything in them;you give life to everything. The heavenly army worships you.

Evaluated physically, psychologically and spiritually

Teleology of life is prime concern

Objective: to glorify God

Isaiah 43:7   "Bring to me all the people who are mine, whom I made for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

Ontological motivations in life and death

To be and do what God wants to be and do in us

Receptive to express God’s character in all situations

Trust God to determine duration and destiny

Evaluating “suicide” in light of God’s revelation

1. Selfishness

The action of taking one’s own life when self-determined (with intent), self-caused (without coercion) and self-concerned (without concern for others) is a very selfish act.

It is a final and ultimate selfish act. Without opportunity for repentance or recovery.

Selfish acts are sinful acts; self-interest is a basic factor in sinfulness.

satan, the destroyer, tempts man.

Personal aspiration, gratification, reputation.

Fight, fright, flight responses to life’s situations.

Failure to take God into account.

Self-determined taking of one’s life fails or refuses to recognize the possibilities of God’s action

By natural processes

By supernatural or miraculous processed

Suicide preempts the opportunity for God to act in the situation.

Self-concern of suicide fails to recognize that there can be divine purposes in suffering.

Failure to take others into Account

The sinfulness of self-concern is contrary to the Love of God in concern for others.

Suicide usually harms and damages others, contrary to love

Left “holding the bag” picking up the pieces

Often questioning or blaming themselves

The living have to deal with the consequences

Suicidal persons fail to recognize community responsibility

Every person is part of the community – family, social network, church etc.

“We are in it together, no man is an island, what one does affects us all.”

Suicide and ultimate destiny
 

Traditional, fundamentalist, literalist interpretation

You shall not murder. Exodus 20:13  “You must not murder anyone." Suicide is self-murder

1 John 3:15 "Everyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderers have eternal life in them." No murderer has eternal life

No one who commits suicide will go to heaven

Suicide is unforgivable sin

Compassionate Christian Perspective

God’s love reaches out to those who are self-absorbed and desperate

The love of God in Christians should reach out in love, compassion, sympathy and empathy to those who regard their pain and pressures as overwhelming.

It is not our place to attempt to determine eternal destiny for another. ( Samson regarded as one of the faithful – Heb. 11:24

Relationship Of Suicide To Other Behaviors And Acts

Self-destructive behaviors in general

Various levels

Mentally destructive- drugs, alcohol

Emotionally destructive- schizophrenia, fantasy, unreality

Spiritually destructive – witchcraft, occult

Morally destructive – immorality

Socially destructive – desertion, dereliction, crime

Physically destructive – masochism, suicide

Are these to be evaluated in the same manner as suicide is evaluated?

Euthanasia

Euthanasia, etymologically derived from two Greek words: eu = good: thanatos = death.

Euthanasia was originally used to refer to keeping terminally ill patients free of pain during last days of life.

Such passive euthanasia might be called mercy dying.

Contemporary usage predominantly refers to active euthanasia or mercy killing, an active involvement in bringing about death.

Active euthanasia obviously relates to suicide or assisted suicide.

Arguments for such usually use same naturalistic/humanistic premises of an unlimited definition of suicide with its premises of a right to die.

Should you know someone or you yourself have struggled with the meaning of life or are experiencing overwhelming pain (physical or mental) and are considering taking your life get help in your time of trouble. Cry out to God. Ask God to renew your mind with these verses:

Psalm 34:17-20 (NCV) The Lord hears good people when they cry out to him, and he saves them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed. People who do what is right may have many problems, but the Lord will solve them all. He will protect their very bones; not one of them will be broken.

Helps

Call someone and ask for help. Don’t let pride get in the way. Much of satan’s power to convince those who feel unloved and hopeless is found in his ability to keep them isolated and removed from those who can lift them up.

Ask Jesus Christ to give you new hope and to give your life meaning. His life indwells you, and His resources are constantly available in your most desperate moment. If you are not the one struggling with the issue of suicide but have a friend or someone in your family who seems to have given up, there are some things you can do to help that person.

Be able to recognize clues the person may be giving, either consciously or subconsciously. Look for symptoms such as depression, signs of hopelessness, lethargy, and so on. Listen for threats and words of warning, such as “I have nothing to live for.” Be aware of whether the person becomes withdrawn and isolated from others.

Trust your judgment. If you believe there is an imminent threat of suicide, trust your instincts. Don’t let others dissuade you from loving intervention.

Tell others. Don’t worry about breaking a confidence if the person is obviously contemplating suicide or says he or she has a plan.  As soon as possible, involve the help of others, such as parents, friends, spouse, teachers, ministers, physicians, anyone in a position to assist the distressed individual.

Stay with the person. If you believe the person is in danger of carrying out the plan, do not leave the person alone. Wait with the person until medical help arrives or the crisis has passed.

Listen. Encourage the person to talk to you. Refrain from giving pat answers that could further depress the person who is on the verge of giving up. Listen and empathize with the person.

Urge professional help. Stress the necessity of getting help for the individual.

Be supportive. Show the person that you care. Do what you can to help the person feel worthwhile and valuable to you.

Suicide is not the answer to life’s pain, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. Christ is the answer and in Him alone will we find healing from the problems that ultimately cause a person to end life before God has chosen to do so.

Isaiah 40:31 (NCV) But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired.

In The Aftermath Of A Suicide

Nothing is as hard to understand as when someone makes the decision to stop living. While the pain and suffering of the person who dies by suicide has ended, it has increased many times over for those who grieve the death.

Those who grieve are often referred to as survivors. Whether you are grieving the death by suicide of a relative or friend, or know someone who is a survivor, the following information is important.

Upon hearing of the suicidal death of a relative or friend, many survivors report feeling numb and confused, almost like everything had just been turned upside down and inside out. Over the next few hours, days, weeks and months, they experienced other feelings such as intense anger, disorientation, rage, fear, guilt and anxiety. Loss of appetite, sleep disturbances and periods of

“unreality” are common. There can be periods when survivors blame themselves or others for the suicide. For the most part these experiences are very normal reactions to an abnormal event. While it is normal to blame oneself or others, it is important to recognize that neither you nor others are at fault. The person who died by suicide made the decision to do so.

There are some things which you can do to help get through if you are grieving a death by suicide. If you are supporting someone who is grieving a suicide keep the following in mind.

Give lots of support to those who are grieving a suicide death, as you would those who grieve death by other means.

Be available to listen. Often those bereaved need to discuss the suicide death. Recognize that they will struggle with the question of “WHY” for a long time. Do not offer ready made or pat answers in order to alleviate their feelings. They do not help in a short or long term.

Recognize that those who are bereaved may display intense feelings of anger, guilt, anguish, fear, sadness, etc. You cannot, and should not, make these feelings go away. Think of it as a storm. It will become quite turbulent, but with lots of support people ride out their feelings. Attempting to block or avoid these feelings keeps people from moving out of the storm as soon as they might otherwise.

Do not offer alcohol or drugs as a means of reducing their grief. The numb feelings they have need to be expressed and the offer of such things will complicate the grieving process.

Recognize your own feelings. In supporting others you will also need someone to talk to about your feelings.

Individuals who are grieving any death need support after the initial aftermath of the death.

Many survivors report that generally friends and relatives were great during the time around the funeral, but stopped coming after a few months. Sometimes this can be taken as evidence that you do, in fact, blame them for the suicide. Apart from the intense emotional times during the funeral, there can be times, which are particularly difficult over the next few years; (i.e. birthdays, anniversary of death, holidays, etc.)

The following suggestions are directed toward survivors and are provided by Iris Bolton, author of My Son…My Son…A Guide To Healing After Death. Loss And Suicide.

Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can
 

Struggle with “why” it happened until you no longer need to know “why”, or until you are satisfied with partial answers.
 

Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings, but all your feelings will be normal.
Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy you are in mourning.
 

Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself.
 

You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do.
 

Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean you will act on these thoughts.
 

Remember to take one moment or day at a time.
 

Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone.
 

Don’t be afraid to cry. Tears are healing.
 

Give yourself time to heal.
 

Remember, the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another’s life.
 

Expect setbacks; don’t panic if emotions return like a tidal wave. You may only be experiencing a remnant of grief.
 

Try to put off major decisions.
 

Give yourself permission to get professional help.
 

Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
 

Be patient with yourself and with others.
 

Set your own limits and learn to say no.
 

Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
 

Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends, or Survivor of Suicide Groups.

If not, ask a professional to help start one.
 

Call on your personal faith to help you through.
 

It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, i.e. headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep, etc.
 

The willingness to laugh with others and at you is healing.
 

Wear out your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let go of them.
 

Know that you will never be the same again, but you can survive and go beyond just surviving.
 

1 Chronicles 4:10 And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, Oh that thou wouldest richly bless me, and enlarge my border, and that thy hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God brought about what he had requested. 
 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

The Glorious Journey: by; Dr. Charles Stanley Copyright; 2001: In Touch Ministries

Christ In You .net James A. Fowler Christ Unlimited Ministries  P.O. Box 850; Dewey, Az., 86327, USA; (520)632-8005

Reasoning From The Scripture Ministries P.O. Box 80087; Rancho Santa Margarita, CA 92688

Hope For The Hurting; by Howard Jolly Copyright 1996 and Published by Rising above : Abuse counseling Agency, P.O. Box 135, Moose Factory. Ont, P0L 1W0

Our Stories- by The Children of Rae Edso, NWT. Canada The National Association Of School Psychologist Copyright 2001 Editorial Projects in Education

The Wounded Spirit by Frank Peretti Copyright 2000 Word Publishing Published by; Library of Congress Cataloging -in-Publication Data Printed in the USA

Day By Day With Charles Swindoll published by Word Publishing

Why Suicide by Jerry Johnston copyright 1987 printed in the USA by Olive-Nelson Books a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers

It All Begins With Hope by Ronda Fay Jeve, Ph.D. Copyright 1991 Laura Media San Diego, California International Copyright Secured Publisher’s Catalog Number LM-628 Printed and bounded in the USA

Choosing Life – Royal Commission on Aboriginal Peoples – Canadian Cataloguing in Publication Data

Why Do I Feel So Down When My Faith Should Lift Me Up – By Grant Mullen MD – Copyright 1999 Printed in the USA

A Follow Up On The Trek Against Suicide – By Dr. Clair Schnupp; Dryden, Ontario, Canada. Copyright 1997

Article ©2004 Ozell M. Borden For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.
 

Alcoholism may therefore be defined as a condition in which the individual drinks compulsively to the point of intoxication, over and over again and continues to do so.

Whatever the reason, substance abuse starts with the choice to try the substance and to use them. One thing for sure if people don’t try or experience with drugs or alcohol, then they will not become addicted. If at a young age they don’t get into drugs, they will be less likely to do so as an adult. If the circumstances are right, anyone at any age can get hooked on drugs!

There is nothing new about the problem with addiction. Since the beginning of recorded history a certain percentage of people has had serious trouble with drugs whenever or wherever they have been used.

In some cultures certain drugs have been a problem, like opium and marijuana. In the Western societies “hard drugs” like heroin or cocaine has been a problem. But the most common addictive drug of all has been alcohol.

Dr. George A. Mann, Medical Director of the Johnson Institute in Minneapolis stated that drugs can be placed on a scale raging from those with highest potential for addiction to those with lowest potential:

1. Heroin, Morphine, Demerol, Cocaine, Barbiturates, Amphetamines,

2. Alcohol, Tranquilizers — minor (sleeping pills), Codeine, Bromides,

3. Nicotine, Marijuana, Caffeine.

Almost any person can become psychologically and physically dependent on these drugs if that person is exposed to a high dosage for a long enough period of time. With a drug like heroin the time need not be long and the effects is both fast and very dangerous; with caffeine the time is longer and the effects are almost negligible.

Seven Factors That Lead To Drug Abuse:

1. The disordered family

2. Lack of self-esteem

3. Peer pressure

4. Experimentation (curiosity)

5. Culture influence

6. Parental drug abuse

7. Lack of moral and spiritual values

Although most of these factors involve family; however this does not mean that parents are to blame for their children’s addiction. These factors are not the causes of drug abuse, it is the unfortunate choice to try drugs and then to continue using them. If the persons’ chemistry likes the drug, then they are on the downhill road – The disease process of addiction overrides the ability to make choices. Just because the factors are present does not mean that the person will become a drug user.

Early in life children become well acquainted with medicines that take away pain and make one feel better. Teenagers watch parents consume aspirin, cold tablets, sleeping medications and a host of other drugs. Little wonders that our young people follow this adult example and in turn, perpetuate the idea that drugs are the first line of defense against physical and psychological pain.

Drug Abuse is not an over night process. It begins with the first use of the drug or alcohol and insidiously continues through a series of steps:

1. Experimentation

2. Progression from occasional use to regular use

3. Dependence / Addiction

Perhaps, the worst thing of all is the fact that everything good in the drug abusers’ life — family, friends, education, job, talents, are being destroyed. The road back is long and difficult and some never make it back.

Since drugs make us feel so good, it is hard to say no once we have tasted of them. Drug abuse has been called, “disease of our feelings.” Four phases through which substance users progress on their way to full blown addiction are:

1. Learning the mood swing (this is the experimentation steep)

•  Learns that the drug can provide a temporary mood swing of euphoria.

•  The drug will provide this euphoria every time.

•  Learn to trust the drug and its effects.

•  Learn to control euphoria by regulating the amount of the drug intake.

2. Seeking the mood swing (this is the occasional use step)

• Uses the drug at the appropriate times and places.

• Develops self-imposed rules about the use of drugs.

• May suffer from physical pain from overuse of the drug but not feeling guilty yet.

• Can usually control the time, amount, and outcome of drug used.

3. Harmful dependence (regular use, the drug user)

• Experiences loss of control.

• Violates their own value system, creating emotional pain and guilt.

• Loses insight into their behavior and uses rationalization to explain increasingly abnormal behavior.

• Develops increasing anger about himself/herself.

• Experiences increasing preoccupation with the use of the drug.

• Develops tolerance to the drug.

• Under goes deterioration of health, emotions, spiritual life, and family life.

• Using the drug to feel normal During this final step the user:

• Has to use the drug to feel normal

• Has frequent loss of control and loss of memory due to binges

• Finds that tolerance for the drug increases.

• Experiences full-blown addiction.

• Frequently has paranoid like thoughts and behavior is totally unpredictable. In this last phase the abuser have reached the point where they feel that they are using the drug to survive. The user no longer has the drug, the drug has them. At this point, the user is powerless to stop using drugs without help. Everything else takes second place to using and acquiring it. The drug now provides meaning and purpose. This is really a false sense of self-esteem caused by the drug. Deep down inside they usually feel totally worthless and frequently are filled with self-hatred.

Drug and alcohol addiction is often considered to be a disease. Someone has suggested that if it is a disease :

• It is the only disease that is controlled by the act of the will.

• It is the only disease that is requires a license to propagate it.

• It is the only disease that is bottled and sold.

• It is the only disease that promotes crime.

• It is the only disease that is habit forming.

• It is the only disease that is spread by advertising.

• It is the only disease that is given for a Christmas present.

Without treatment this ‘disease’ is universally fatal, it is just a matter of time. The drug user can be treated for the disease by medical therapy and recover from the chemical addiction. The difficulty with the medical-disease concept is that it seems to excuse the addict from any responsibility for the problem.

One must remember, after that initial use they had to make the choice to use it again, and again, and again; thus becoming addicted. The problem is really one of wrong choices – a moral and spiritual problem. Addiction is both a medical disease and a spiritual crisis. The treatment thus requires both medical and spiritual therapy. You cannot treat one without the other. Drug addiction is a process then that affects all aspects of a person’s life.

"And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."1 Thessalonians 5:23

AFFECTS:

• Body – Physical addiction

• Damage to health

• Ultimately death

• Mind/Soul – Guilt

• Anxiety

• Fear

• Depression

• Spirit- Decline of close, vital relationship with God and family

There is no simple cause of drug and alcohol addiction. The reasons are complex, for one to become addicted and each individual are unique. Therefore the answer to the problem is not to lay blame, but to provide for a way out of the dilemma of addiction. One must note other addictions other than alcohol and drugs.

OTHER ADDICTIONS:

• Overeating

• Promiscuity

• Gambling

• Shopping

• Churchianity

• Workacholity

• Cultist

• Exercise

• Hobbies

Some abusers can hide their addiction more easily than others. To understand the effects drugs has on the human body one must understand what drugs are.

They are simply chemicals that can change something in the body’s chemistry or internal makeup. Some drugs like vitamins are necessary for the body to work properly. These drugs are both necessary and beneficial. There are also (Rx) prescribed drugs by a doctor.

Recent statistics show a decrease in longevity. In 15-24 year olds, the principle cause of death is suicide, homicide, drug overdose. The common thread behind those statistics is the use of drugs and alcohol.

Abuse of drugs and alcohol is harmful, they are being used for purposes for which they were not intended. This is what drug abuse is all about.

Substance abuse is the use of a mood-altering substance to change the way one feels, and it may be inhaled, sniffed, swallowed or injected. It can be legal or illegal, but not being used for legitimate or medical reasons. All drugs affect the brain. The limbic system- is that part of the brain where the person’s feelings originates. Here the drugs work by interfering with a substituting for the brain’s natural chemicals, called neurotransmitters,- chemicals that carry a signal from one brain cell to another.

Dependence is the compulsive desire to continually use a substance to either experience its effects or avoid painful realities despite adverse consequences. Addiction, occurs when the users’ brain must have the substance in order to function. If they don’t have the drug, their neurotransmitters mechanism malfunctions. If more of the drug is not taken withdrawal begins.

Addiction / Dependence is a way of coping with painful reality that is self-destructive. Addiction develops from an unhealthy choice of drugs as a pleasure producer or coping ,mechanism.

Withdrawal is the unpleasant emotional and physical symptoms which occurs when one is addicted and does not have enough drug in the system to satisfy their brain chemistry. It is what prompts the drug user to seek more drugs to feel normal. Withdrawal is very unpleasant one may become depressed, fatigue, experience muscle aches, vomiting, insomnia, and irritability.

Although we all have experienced these symptoms, with the drugs abuser they are more intense, because of the changes in the brain chemistry. One beneficial effect–they might drive the addict to seek treatment.

Ethyl Alcohol : Generic term is alcohol, in small doses it serves as a relaxant. Alcohol, when consumed in excess acts to depress the area of the brain that controls behavior. Alcohol is the most dangerous of any of the psychoactive drugs because it is a toxin, damaging most of the body muscles, systems and major organs. It is very addicting.

DRUGS OF ABUSE:

• Psychoactive Drugs

• Depressants

• Stimulants

• Psychedelics / Hallucinogens

• Inhalants / Nicotine

• Marijuana (pot)

• Sedatives

• Narcotics

• Cocaine and Amphetamines

It is a fact the more money is spent on illegal drugs than food. The international narcotic industry is the largest growing industry in the world.

Denial is not recognizing or admitting a problem. It is a very common behavior and is the drug abusers’ way of avoiding unpleasant realities. If drug abuse is not acknowledged, it will not be dealt with and it will continue. The underlying attitude behind denial is ““What problem?” Although denial may protect the mind from the psychological pain of this internal conflict, it unfortunately serves to perpetuate the addiction by allowing substance abusers to deceive themselves and avoid the awareness of the true extent of the addiction.

There are seven forms of denial which maybe called the substance abusers denial system:

1. Rationalization

2. Projection

3. Repression

4. Suppression

5. Withdrawal

6. Regression

7. Conversion

Greatly simplified the brain may be divided into two functional parts:

1. The Thinking Center: Which is the logical, cognitive area of the brain where integration and analysis of information takes place and responses are initiated. It is responsible for control of voluntary muscle activity.

2. The Feeling Center: Where emotions originate, known also as the limbic system and is activated by the feeling center of the brain.

The denial center protects the mind from the psychological pain. It allows the substance abuser to isolate rational and logical thoughts from feelings. Once the denial system has succeeded in splitting the thinking center and the feeling center from one another, then the thinking center is greatly weakened in its ability to monitor and control the impulses of the feeling center. The feeling center is then made very vulnerable to the development of addiction.

In a substance abuser, the power of the drug addiction is so strong that the feeling center of the brain often dominates the behavior and controls it, allowing the addictive patterns to continue. Although the denial system initially softens the pain and internal anguish of substance abuse, over time, because it is an unnatural psychological system, it requires an increasingly massive amount of emotional energy for it to continue.

It is very difficult to maintain this internal, psychological denial system, therefore the individuals has to develop behavioral “masks” to protect themselves from discovery, disapproval and deep emotional involvement with others.

Abusers often develop attitudes or masks to hide their motives, to rationalize their behavior and to deny responsibility for change. These masks are used to gain control over the people around them.

Some Of These Masks Are:

• Closed communication

• “I can’t” attitude

• Self Pity

• Lack of time perceptive

• Failure to consider others

• Avoiding responsibility

• Assumed ownership

• Denial of bad consequences

• Lack of trust

• Refusal to be dependent

• Unwilling to be responsible

• Pretentiousness

• Unwilling to endue adversity

The substance abuser becomes an expert wearing masks. When their defenses are down they become angry with themselves, angry that they can’t stop, angry that they are hurting, angry that they are hurting those around them, angry at God for allowing them to get into this mess.

At this point one major emotion breaks through the denial system, one that is most powerful and potentially most damaging -GUILT. Guilt always demands some type of punishment or resolution. It is ironic that guilt usually motivates the abuser toward continued drug use rather than away from it. If the cycle is going to be broken, guilt must be dealt with effectively.

Appropriate Guilt: The abuser perceives in response to the unhealthy destructive behaviors carried out while under the influence of the substance. This appropriate guilt can be dealt with by the spiritual and psychological work in the twelve step process.

Twelve Steps – A Spiritual Journey:

STEP ONE : One must admit they are powerless over the effects of their separation from God and their lives have become unmanageable. In step one they admit that they can’t stand anymore, and plead for release. They cry, ”I quit !” Step one is an opportunity to face reality and admit that their life isn’t working with them in control. They embrace their powerlessness, they stop pretending. In step one, they come to grips with the reality of their lives. Perhaps for the first time, they will finally admit defeat and recognize that they need help. Step one provides needed direction for one’s unmanageability. They prepare themselves by realizing that step one is the first step in a spiritual journey toward wholeness. This step stops us. It puts a halt to our efforts and gives us permission to quit.

STEP TWO – Come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Step two is about faith, truth and believing. Step two helps one acknowledge the seed of faith that God has given us. This begins the process of trusting that power greater than ourselves is at work in our lives. Many of us have a distorted view of God, although we are not quick to admit it, we may believe that God is like our abusive or absent parents or significant others. We may believe that God doesn’t care how we feel, that He is cruel and waiting to judge us. We have to set aside our old images and mistaken beliefs about God. For now we can simply hold on to the words of AA’s second Tradition, “…there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God…”

STEP THREE – admitted our powerlessness and ability to manage our lives. We also have come to believe that God can heal us and now we decide to turn it all over to God’s care. Here we take time to contemplate changes, and finally we make a decision that God is the only one able to manage our lives, that His will for us is best.

STEP FOUR – Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Realize that there are areas of our lives that need attention. We also must realize that we cannot see all these areas. Denial keeps us blinded to the dirt in the corners. Low self-esteem has kept us ignorant about the beauty and worth of our lives. Here God comes to us as a caring friend. He opens our eyes to the weakness in our lives that need changing and helps us to build on our strengths. With a clipboard in hand we walk down the aisles of our lives and note areas of weakness and strengths In relationships we take stock of resentments, grudges but we also examine loving and health relationships as well. With communications we note the lies, but list the positive ways we shared with others. In this process we can look to God for guidance. He knows the contents of our warehouse far better than we do. The twelve-step process is not easy and step four is particularly demanding.

STEP FIVE – Admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. We work through this step by bringing step four inventory to God in prayerful admission. We work through step five be being honest with ourselves, by looking ourselves in the eye and reciting our inventory. We share our inventory with someone we can trust, someone who will understand, someone who will encourage and not condemn us. The work of confession is our task here, not easy work but absolutely necessary.

STEP SIX – Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Here we are ready to have God bring changes into our lives. Becoming ready may not seem like a lot of work, but it is – it’s spiritual work. God can’t change us unless we are willing for him to do so, and so far we have not asked God for change. We have become aware of our condition and admitted our need. In this step we wait for God to do some internal work, and we must be sensitive to the changes He is making in our hearts.

STEP SEVEN – Humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings. ("If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."1 John 1:9) Step seven is worked out on our knees. Our condition, our honesty and our pain have humbled us so now we must open our mouths and pray. We hold nothing back from God. Make sure that we have resolved the fear of letting go of our defects. Learn to draw nearer to God by becoming comfortable in God’s presence. Take prayer seriously. This is a time to talk to God in a very personal way. Go to Him with inventory in hand and with a full understanding of our need.

STEP EIGHT: – Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all. This is worked through with thought reflection. With God’s help we recall the names and faces of people we have harmed. Write down each name and consider each person carefully. We need to examine our relationship with these people and consider how we have harmed them. We will help ourselves by being as thorough as possible in our consideration and notes. Through step eight we learn humility. The willingness to be humbled puts our lives in proper perspective and places us in agreement with God’s plan and will for our lives.

STEP NINE: – Make a direct amends to people wherever possible, except when to do so would require them or others. This step is similar to the repairs and rebuilding that takes place after a disaster. The difference is that we are part of the entire event. Through the process of making amends, we begin to make restitution and mend the damage of our past. In step eight we surveyed the damage and made a plan, now we go into action, we listed person by person now we approach each one we can with gentleness, sensitivity and understanding. God can help us to know the best way to make contact. Some may require a face to face meeting while others maybe handled by changing our behavior. God will provide us with the wisdom and direction we need.

STEP TEN: – Continue to take personal inventory and when they are wrong promptly admitted it. This is really a summary from step four to nine. They take an inventory of their lives and admit what they find. Become willing to allow God to change them, then humbly ask Him to remove the shortcomings. Take note of the amends needed and make those amends.

STEP ELEVEN: – Sought through prayer and meditation to improve their conscious contact with God as they understand Him, Praying only for knowledge of His will for them and the power to carry it out. In this step they must take prayer and meditation seriously. Through meditation they listen to God and hope to hear the message He has for them. Some struggle with the idea of prayer and meditation as a way to maintain contact with God. They know prayers but they don’t know how to pray. They may be unfamiliar with meditation and resistant to try. This step is communicating with God. It is work of learning the intimacy and power of prayer and meditation. It is the act of drawing near to God, and seeking His will . One needs to prepare for this step by developing an understanding appreciation for both prayer and meditation. Should there be struggle in this area the help of counsel would of course be beneficial.

STEP TWELVE: – Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, one tries to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all their affairs. This involves taking time to appreciate the spiritual growth in their lives. One works this step by sharing with others and applying the principles of the steps to every area of their lives. Twelve step will be theirs if they have done all of the following; relied upon God’s presence, worked the steps in partnership with Him, and gave Him control of their will and life.

David The Psalmist struggled with guilt. He describes his struggles in Psalm 32: 3-5

"When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night Your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to You and stopped trying to hide them, I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to The Lord.’  And You forgave me! All my guilt was gone." (NLT)

Lets look at Inappropriate Guilt: It is that guilt which the substance abuser will ironically choose to hold onto in order to maintain the addiction cycle. This guilt needs to be pointed out to the abuser. Events in the past cannot be changed, but any real guilt for those events can be erased through the forgiveness available from God through the grace of Jesus Christ.

The substance abuser can temporarily cover up the pain with more substance, but sooner or later they will find a workable answer. C.S. Lewis said; “But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is HIS megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Sometimes it is not easy to stand back and watch the consequences take their toll, but if we really love the person, we must. Substance users have different levels of tolerance for pain. Knowing that they have hurt or disappointed those they love is enough to motivate them to seek treatment. Sometimes others have to go all the way to the point of crash and burn before they are ready for help.

­CONFRONTATION: Is a process where by substance using behavior is acknowledge by others and fully exposed. Proverbs 27:5 "An open rebuke is better than hidden love!" (NLT)

If the counselor wants to see someone become substance free, they must be tough. A progression of steps can be followed in trying to encourage the abuser to seek treatment. Frequently the first three steps will need to be utilized simultaneously. This is called the funnel of loving confrontation.

STEP ONE Open Acceptance – The abuser must be drawn into a process of positive change. It is based on his or her need for a relationship with a significant other, a relationship that the abuser values and does not want to lose. Whomever it may be, the key is that the abuser cares what that individual thinks about them and wants to continue the relationship. One should become indispensable in the right kind of way, developing an open acceptance of him or her as a person, viewing them as someone worthy of love, based upon the need of the abuser not their behavior.

STEP TWO: Assigning Responsibility – The next step in the ever tightening funnel is , the significant other to quit making excuses for the abusers’ behavior and actions. Excuses are no longer accepted. The abuser is expected to take responsibility and to be accountable for his or her behavior. They may resist this responsibility and make more excuses, however the truth will eventually become apparent.

STEP THREE: Allowing The Consequences – As the funnel constricts even further, the abuser pleads with their significant other for rescue from the painful consequences of the substance related behavior. The significant other must take a loving but firm stand. Here are some guidelines:

•  Get the facts

•  Stand your guard

•  Be united

•  Keep your cool

•  Be prepared to follow through

At this point the user may be agreeable to treatment and if so there must be options ready to present. The first step to treating substance addiction is actually getting the user to agree to treatment.

STEP FOUR: Intervention by Confrontation – If the first three steps fail to convince the abuser of the need for help then a direct confrontation along with intervention is necessary.

FIRST: Intervention (Why and How) The abuser has to hit bottom before he or she is willing to get help.

The Process – Gain as much knowledge as you can about the problem Support and encouragement will help with following through.

SECOND: Family should gather together without the abuser and discuss how the abuser’s behavior has affected their lives as well as others. A meeting should be held with the others as well.

THIRD: Investigate local treatment options, inpatient and outpatient programs, cost and insurance should be looked at as well.

FOURTH: Get advice from peers in the substance abuse field for support and guidance. Some goals to consider for the intervention are:

• Secure the drug user’s agreement to become drug free.

• Get the abuser’s agreement and commitment to a plan for accomplishing

• this. This would include a change in behavior and habits

• Decide which type of treatment program would be best.

Rehearsal is vital to a successful intervention. One has to act as the facilitator. (the counselor, experienced lay-person, or family member, a close friend of the abuser or employer,) all must practice what they will say to the abuser. They are to state only facts about how the abuser’s behavior has affected them personally, do not preach, teach or chastise.

The family and others should assemble before the abuser arrives. The facilitator explains to the abuser why they have gathered and ask him or her to listen without responding for awhile. Everyone speaks directly to the abuser, stating facts, events and telling how it has affected them.

This is an objective attack on the abuser’s denial system, NOT the person. Options for help are shared. Then the abuser is allowed to respond. The group should be prepared for other responses including anger, hostility, and counter- accusations, as well as the possibility of the abuser bolting from the room.

It is most important when a decision is made to follow it through. Follow up action should be taken immediately and be consistent. The abuser is NOT allowed to bargain. It may be necessary for a court order in some cases. Whatever the response, the facilitator must be sure the message is loudly and clearly delivered. Telling the abuser he or she can continue to destroy themselves but we will no longer assist them in the process. The group must be prepared to mean business and to follow it through no matter how difficult it may be for the abuser and those in the group.

Addiction is a family affair. Living in a family of an abuser is like being on the wrong side of a two-headed coin – you never win. The only thing constant in the home is the inconsistency and unpredictability. Being in a no win situation brings out certain behaviors and habit patterns that are very abnormal but necessary for survival. Unfortunately in many families no treatment is sought. If a parent is the user, the children suffer the most. When children of such a home become adults, they frequently feel worthless and have great difficulty with close, intimate relationships. The tremendous emotional scars inflicted upon children growing up in substance abuse homes lead directly to marital discord, emotional depression, vocational instability and job dissatisfaction in adulthood. Characteristic behavior traits and attitudes plague the children of the abuser. These begin in childhood and continue into adulthood. Children are confused as to what is normal.

• they have difficulty completing projects

• they lie compulsively

• they are overly critical of self

• they are too serious and have difficulty having fun

• as adults they have difficulty with intimate relationships

• have a great need to control one’s life

• have a life long need for approval and affirmation

• they are either overly responsible or overly irresponsible

• extremely loyal to the abuser which only aggravates the problems

The price the substance abuser pay is destruction of his own health and self-esteem. It is also paid by those individuals around them who are dragged – emotionally, spiritually and sometimes physically with them into the pitiful abyss of their addiction. The counselor is to assist the family in identifying what roles the members have played in the family system. This may not be easy, as they may well be using denial and believe that only the abuser has a problem.

If they can acknowledge their roles and then get help themselves they can become part of the solution instead of remaining part of the problem.

One must keep in mind that there is no quick cure. They must not let anyone delude them with the idea that this can be cured instantaneously. In fact part of the "disease" itself is to be always looking for a solution just around the corner.

For the perfectionism specializes in if-onlys: “ If only I could _____________________________, I would be OK.” Positives ( If only I could… read, pray, give, witness, serve.) or negatives…

n if only I could give it up

n if only I could stop

• if only I could quit

• if only I could follow the steps

Healing is a process. It will involve a process of growth in grace, of reprogramming and of healing in every level of your life. You will need healing of your mind with its distorted concepts, healing of your feelings with their damaged emotions, healing of your perception with its downgrading evaluations and healing of your relationships with all of their disruptive contradictions. One will also need a deep, inner healing of memories to blot out the destructive, slow-motion video replays that interfere with the life. This sounds like a pretty thorough overhauling, it is, and submission to this process is the beginning of healing.

Each individual must make his or her choice to accept or reject God’s healing power. We who are concerned cannot do it for them. More advice for the recovering substance abuser:

• The time to become drug free is today.

• Recovery from substance abuse is a lifelong process and not just a one-time event.

• Get help from someone qualified.

• Don’t give up if you should relapse.

• Don’t struggle with drugs in your own strength.

• You must stay away from all drugs and drug using friends

• Don’t be surprised when you are tempted to use drugs again.

• Recognize that it is easier to lie to yourself than to anyone else you know.

• Don’t become proud and self-sufficient once you become drug-free.

• Have a confidence in God. He has your best interest at heart.

• Walk with God one day at a time.

• Take time to pray each day.

• Read your Bible every day. God’s Word has the answers for all your problems and the direction you need.

• Attend church weekly. This is where you can worship and serve God. You will grow when you give yourself to others.

• Maintain a support system, a group of other Christians with whom you can share your struggles and receive encouragement.

"Dear brothers and sisters, if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself." Galatians. 6:1-2 NLT

THE SERENITY PRAYER: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

©2004 Ozell M. Borden
For Personal Use Only.  Any commercial use or publication without authorization is strictly prohibited.